[mamaJenof5]

Whats it like to have calmness in your head?
Whats it like to be happy? For real without pretend?
Whats it like to not be in pain? In body mind and soul?

Why and how can my husband wake up at 530 every morning happy? How does he see the good in everything and everyone?

I feel like getting out of bed and facing the day and the tasks I won't finish (if I even start them) I feel like that is just enough to sleep forever.

I have been having one of those weeks. I want to live in a dream b/c a dream is so much better than reality. My truth is too much. why now? the peace and calmness of ending everything has never seem so ....not scary...right..just right. I'm so done with being this way.exhausted. 20 years is too much of pain and suffering and hurt and shame ...............

[Anneinside]

It's been so long I don't know. I remember never thinking about my mood, which is so different from now. I assess my mood every day. I think about bipolar every day. It consumes some of my time every day, more when I am not doing well. What would it be like to again not consider mood in daily life?

[nirmal]

Hello,

I too have bipolar and had my share of the ups and downs. I nearly died from an OD about 2 years ago.What has helped me in so many ways, is to practice meditation.

Please go to:aypsite.org and you will not be dissapointed. For me, I have the bipolar under control for the first time, and have had no hospitalizations, in a year, which is a miracle for me!

It has helped me to discover myself and look at the world in a different way than before.

I hope you find what you´re looking for.

love and light,
nirmal



mamaJenof5;1328617]Whats it like to have calmness in your head?
Whats it like to be happy? For real without pretend?
Whats it like to not be in pain? In body mind and soul?

Why and how can my husband wake up at 530 every morning happy? How does he see the good in everything and everyone?

I feel like getting out of bed and facing the day and the tasks I won't finish (if I even start them) I feel like that is just enough to sleep forever.

I have been having one of those weeks. I want to live in a dream b/c a dream is so much better than reality. My truth is too much. why now? the peace and calmness of ending everything has never seem so ....not scary...right..just right. I'm so done with being this way.exhausted. 20 years is too much of pain and suffering and hurt and shame ...............[/quote]

[musikcrazy]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes it just seems to be so exhausting. You have to keep fighting. You will feel better again. My thoughts are with you.

[grizmom]

I'm sorry everything is so hard right now. I wish that the people who can get up every day and work and feel good knew that they are taking it for granted. I actually felt happy with no hypomania yesterday and I felt like I'd won the lottery. It was so strange to me...it only happens once or twice a year. But...back to the same old ick today. I enjoyed my day of freedom; I hope you get one soon!!

[gravyyy]

I hear you mamaJen.. I really feel like the others that it's been so long since I've truly felt any pleasure that it's hard to know what it's like. It's been 3 years for me since I've been officially diagnosed but it seems like forever. Then I read you have felt this way for 20 years and I feel awful about it. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to feel like I feel for even 1 day let alone 20 years. For fear of sounding patronizing and trivial I am not going to give you any words of advice but I do hear you and I do understand your frustration and sadness over it. Hang in there the best you can. Stay safe.

[mamaJenof5]

Originally Posted by gravyyy

I hear you mamaJen.. I really feel like the others that it's been so long since I've truly felt any pleasure that it's hard to know what it's like. It's been 3 years for me since I've been officially diagnosed but it seems like forever. Then I read you have felt this way for 20 years and I feel awful about it. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to feel like I feel for even 1 day let alone 20 years. For fear of sounding patronizing and trivial I am not going to give you any words of advice but I do hear you and I do understand your frustration and sadness over it. Hang in there the best you can. Stay safe.

Thank you so much for that (everyone!) it is nicer to know that I'm not alone but I knew that I have been doing ok the past couple of days I am supposed to be taking 50mgs of Lamictal and gradually uping it But I have been taking 50 in the am 50 in the afternoon and today I took 50 in the pm well I don't know if I'm suppose to be doing tis but I have an appt. 2mro and I will tell my doc about it and it has helped. who knows ya know

[Anneinside]

Be careful with the Lamictal. Going up too fast can increase the chance of getting a skin disease. It is good you are seeing your doctor tomorrow so you can ask about it.

[mamaJenof5]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

Be careful with the Lamictal. Going up too fast can increase the chance of getting a skin disease. It is good you are seeing your doctor tomorrow so you can ask about it.

oh crap I didn't know there was risk with raising the dose! I guess its something I should have called the doc about. But I would rather be sain and not hurting my families feelings its sad that I'd risk my health to do so

[Anneinside]

It called Steven Johnson Syndrome. If you notice any flu like symptoms go to the ER immediately.

From the Mayo website:

Stevens-Johnson syndrome is a rare, serious disorder in which your skin and mucous membranes react severely to a medication or infection. Often, Stevens-Johnson syndrome begins with flu-like symptoms, followed by a painful red or purplish rash that spreads and blisters, eventually causing the top layer of your skin to die and shed.
Stevens-Johnson syndrome is an emergency medical condition that usually requires hospitalization. Treatment focuses on eliminating the underlying cause, controlling symptoms and minimizing complications.
Recovery after Stevens-Johnson syndrome can take weeks to months, depending on the severity of your condition.