[gravyyy]

So I take Restoril for sleep. I had toruble with insurance with it so for this last refill I had to get it filled 2 separate times for 15 days each instead of 30 days. No biggie really. I see my pdoc in a little over a week and I calculated I had enough to last me until then. I just went to take my PM meds and noticed that I had 3 Restoril pills left. I was instantly confused because I would have noticed last night if I was running low (plus I had calculated I had enough meds). I looked at the date I had the med filled and it is 3/20/10 (again should be enough for 15 days from that which would easily get me to 4/6/10). I usually take 2 each night so that leaves me for 3 pills for 10 days or so.

My point is that I think my boyfriend stole them today. It's not really a drug of abuse but he's not feeling well today and he could have taken them when I was giving his son a bath. It's just us 3 in the house and his son is 2 and rarely left unattended so unlikely he took them. The meds are also on the 2nd shelf in a locked upper cabinet in the kitchen so really unlikely it would be that. My boyfriend is angry at me right now I am guessing because I only talk to him 2 times today on the phone and he hung up on me both times and wouldn't take my return call. My living situation is confusing because he basically moved up to Ohio from Texas and I moved from Philly to Ohio so we could be together. He has really treated me like garbage since we started living together and though he said he would be supportive of me but hasn't at all and stealing my meds that I so desperately need for sleep (can't sleep at all without them) is clearly not supportive. He's in bed sleeping and I'm really angry right now and want to just go wake him up and confront him but I know that's not the best thing. I guess I will sleep on the couch again tonight and confront him in the morning. If he stole my meds I'm going to ask him to leave. I don't really have any other options, right? Especially when it's not working to begin with.

[Anneinside]

You have to do what will be best for you.

[WendyAussie]

Gee it's be nice to get an honest answer from him about it, but you do need to be assertive and look after yourself and if that means asking him to leave, so be it.

[Yoda]

I had a former BF who took my meds too. It doesn't get better. If you don't have trust you can't make a relationship work.

[musikcrazy]

I agree that you have to do what is best for you. Sleep is so important for folks like us. If he took your meds there is a chance he will do it again. Stay strong!

[perpetuallysad]

Oh that does suck. I hope that you can get things worked out. Does the son live at your house too? (that was really just a random question...) Is Restoril a controlled substance? Do you think you could call your pdoc and explain things, especially if you do find out he took them? Perhaps he would give you a small script for the time from now till your appointment?

Oh also, I had an idea! Did you maybe grab the wrong bottle? I know sometimes when I get a script refilled for my xanax that I will open the new bottle when there are a few left in the old without really realizing it. Once or twice I've come across a bottle in the cabinet with only a few in it and I think that's what I've done. Is that a possibility? I know I am grasping at straws, but I hate the thought of you having to go through the pain of a break up right now, especially because he is stealing your meds!

Either way though, I'm here for you if you need me. Let us know how it goes today.

[grizmom]

It sounds like a rotten situation to be in, I'm sorry that you are going through this! And yes, if things have already been bad and he is now taking your meds, it's probably best if you ask him to leave; that is what I'd do. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, and I agree that you need to do whatever is best for you.

[perpetuallysad]

What happened today? Were you able to talk to him about things?

[Dave255]

Stealing meds is a terrible thing to do, especially if he knows how important they are.

If this is how he deals with his anger it makes for a messy relationship.

It would be like hiding a paraplegic wheelchair.

[gravyyy]

well he still wasn't talking to me but then he started talking so I just brought up how I was missing 2 pills and it shorts me 1 day and all that. I asked him if he knew how that could possibly happen. He said he didn't know what could have happened (surprise, surprise). I mean even if he asked me if he could take them it would be one thing. And maybe he didn't... maybe I misplaced them or something. Who knows.

Regardless, he got really angry because I answered the phone call from a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a year and have been playing phone tag with for a week. Then for dinner he decided that even though I told him I wasn't hungry and didn't want to eat, he filled my plate then called me a bad influence on his son because I didn't finish all my food. He threw my plate (good influence, right?). I got up and got a coat and shoes on then told him I was going "for a drive" which is the line he tells me every time he gets angry and needs a break. I told him it doesn't have to be right now, but he and his son are going to have to leave. I can't take this stress anymore. It's not worth my life (I've been close to the brim several times this past week). I'm done. He thinks it's all my fault and I'm horrible and I was like "fine, it is my fault and you still need to leave." It's a complex and confusing situation but it's hopefully going to end this week! Everyone please keep your fingers crossed that at least this stressor will be gone.

[gravyyy]

And just right now he tells me over voicemail, "I can't guarantee I'm going to be alive when you get back" and he's crying and all that. I can't give in. I have to stay strong and hold to it that he needs to leave. I have to worry about me b/c otherwise no one else will.

[BNLsMOM]

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Be safe, OK?

[BNLsMOM]

I was typing at the same time as you. If he is threatening suicide over voicemail, can you call the police and have them go to your house? It would be safer for you and his son to have them help you deal with this.

[perpetuallysad]

Also, don't let him manipulate you with such threats. We all have control over our own actions and he's choosing to try and manipulate you in a way that he knows will hurt you. BLNs right, call the cops and let them deal with his behavior. You have the voicemail as proof.

I am so, so sorry you are dealing with this!

[gravyyy]

oh I get it with the manipulation. No worries about that. I came home eventually and we talked and all that. He's in the process of packing and says he'll be gone tomorrow or Tuesday as soon as he gets everything loaded up. I'm relieved and sad/scared at the same time. I really am happy to have my independence back. I'm also sad because I really like having someone but to be honest, it could have been just a good roommate and I would have been equally as happy. I would love to be married and have kids (it's probably the only way I could ever have a kid as with the MI I would never be able to adopt) but I don't know that it's for me. I think maybe I'm meant to be that person in the family that everyone talks about "look at that poor girl all alone... how sad..." UGH. I hate that but it seems to be true. Honestly, I'm married to bipolar disorder right now. I just don't have room for anything else in my life apparently. Whatever.... good thing I have a T appt in the morning. As long as work lets me skip the last part of our weekly meeting!!! This stress had built up for me to the point that T said on Friday I could either come in Monday or she would involuntarily commit me!!!! haha... I chose coming in on Monday apparently.

[grizmom]

I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself and doing what you need to do to be as healthy as possible. I'm glad you are going in to see your T and I hope the appointment goes well. As the others have said, if someone says that they are going to kill themself, call the police. I had to do that with my ex-boyfriend when I broke up with him and he threatened suicide.

Take care and best of luck to you!

[gravyyy]

yeah, I didn't call the police because I didn't think he would and I honestly didn't care at the time. Selfish I know but it's the truth. I figured what's the difference. FYI - he didn't kill himself.

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and that you did the right thing.

[BNLsMOM]

You are so strong and you are doing the right thing. I am happy that he is leaving and although it hurts I think you will be better off in the long run.

Stay in close contact with your T.

[la doctora]

I was in a long relationship where manipulation was the name of the game. You are so much better off without all of that. You should be so proud of yourself for sticking to your guns and doing what was best for you. It took a lot of courage. Congrats on your new freedom and I hope that you begin to feel much better without this big stressor in your life!

[WendyAussie]

I know what you have done is very difficult, but you are very brave. And yes, our illnesses make us so vulnerale to mental collapse, and I have tried and nearly succeeded to take my life, so I know I have to be vigilant about cultivating the positive influences coming into my life and blocking, appropriately the negative influences as best I can. Good on you.

[kadesgirl09]

bless your heart.. let us know when he leaves... you will be so better off!!

[gravyyy]

He left yesterday morning but convienently left behind key items telling me I could throw them away. I of course am not going to do that and got the address of his brother and sister-in-law to send his stuff to. He called me when he was like 2 hours away from his hometown in Texas and was saying he was just going to be living out of his car because no one in his family offered for him to stay with them. I was like, "well did you ask any of them if you could stay with them for a bit until you get on your feet?" Of course the answer was no. He's going to try to make me feel guilty like he's homeless. He has 10 brothers and sisters. I'm sure he can find somewhere to stay. I'm not falling for it. I feel okay about it. I am enjoying actually being able to be at softball and coach the girls without feeling guilty. It's tough being home alone now that I've had 3 months of someone being here every second I was. I needed the space though. One of my friend's suggested maybe I acted hasty and because my mood wasn't stable I was impulsive. I don't think this is it though. I feel good about the decision. I don't regret it. That's the biggest telling factor for me. Of course it's going to feel off and bad right now because it's different. Things will change. Thanks everyone for your support through this time. You all are really important to me!!!

[grizmom]

It's hard to get used to living alone after being with someone for a long time...it was hard for me after my husband and I separated. But I also found a lot of peace, and I had a chance to start learning how to comfort myself and to learn new coping strategies, so in the end I grew a lot as a person. The online support isn't exactly the same, but we are here for you.

[WendyAussie]

I think this whole episode could be a strong step forward for you. To something so scarey, assertive, honest and strong is really fantastic. And just because we suffer from mental illness does not mean all our decisions are irrational - in fact, it is irrational to say that.