[perpetuallysad]

I am having a very hard time right now. Like a switch went off some time yesterday afternoon and the stress in my body has reached maximum levels. I have been feeling it coming. I found myself working so hard on Monday that I was absolutely physically and mentally exhausted, yet I pushed myself to do even more...gotta do this, do that, change this, change that, rearrange, clean, organize. Oh ya, and I have to finish my final disability appeal thingy online. And I'm furious with my son's school and the entire school district right now. My stomach is in terrible knots and I feel sick. And I'm completely disconnected. I cannot make myself talk to my husband, I had to MAKE myself post this. Like jumping into a cold pool...just hurry up and do it. But I don't even know that I have a particular question or thing I want anyone to say to me. I just feel very separate from everyone, even you guys. I am so full of anxiety that its sort of a physical pain. Like someone is scratching my skin constantly with a cheese grater. I really have no idea what I am even saying.

[Dave255]

Its good to vent, letting it boil up inside doesn't work.

[BNLsMOM]

I understand. Try to post with us. Isolation is no fun.

[FeelingHopeful]

Ps ! Im here for you friend! Im so sorry thingsare so tough now for you, We def understand here, Please take care of yourself, your very much loved on here!

[LoneScout]

deep anger, maybe Rx can help for you, if you are angry all the time.
Good luck with everything.
love and peace!
LoneScout

[WendyAussie]

It's strikes me you've had elevated mood - doing all those things, and maybe mixed states with all your different feelings. My thought is that you need to consciously and physically calm down. Set in place a range of things such as a bath with aromatherpay oils, get a massage, go for a very quiet, mindful walk.

Maybe check your meds are OK, or do they need an adjustment. We can't adjust our attitude if our brain chemicals are out of whack. And as the school stuff, maybe use the Serenity Prayer to look at the parts of things you can change about the situation, and the parts it's not in your power to change. You could get great relief from this. (I'm a sober AA member as well as having Bipolar and panic and anxiety disorders). I hope you feel better soon.

Just... I was wondering how you were doing...
I'm glad you posted, even if you had to make yourself do it. Hope things improve for you soon and that you will feel like posting, but even if you don't feel like it, know that you are in my thoughts, ok?

[sugahorse1]

I can totally relate - yesterday I positively felt numb. For me it was weird, but an up from always feeling down. As I woke up this morning I could just feel the anxiety well up in me. I was incredibly snappy at my boyfriend while getting ready for work. And demanding emotionally as well. Needless to say, if one comes with that kind of the attitude, the last thing your partner is going to do is be emotional. So this just left me feeling terribly lonely.
But off to work I went, to sit in my corner with my iPod and this site to try zone out and feel a bit more stable.

It is "frustrating" - right now that feels like the most correct word. You know you are acting out of character, yet cannot control yourself, you want to run away, yet want attention and interaction

[perpetuallysad]

Thanks everyone.

Knowing myself and not knowing how to stop this train (I do have a t/pdoc appointment on Friday and I'm going to ask to get put back on an antipsychotic and/or a mood stabilizer) is crazy. I KNOW that I am going to end up blowing up on my wonderful husband because he's not psychically getting the fact that I need to talk. I did "reach out" when he came home from work yesterday and told him I was feeling badly and needed to talk, but then it was dinner time and homework time and family time, and when it was over he played xbox and I put a puzzle together while thinking mean thoughts and not being able to make myself just start talking to him.

I'm getting sleep, mostly, I have to take xanax to get to sleep and it doesn't last so long, but at least I'm not straight staying up...right? ****, I feel so frustrated by all of this.

I think my moods are connected with the seasons. Looking back over the past few years, elevated moods always fall during the spring and summer and depressed moods during the fall and winter. (I am ALWAYS anxious to varying degrees...)

[perpetuallysad]

Oh ya, and I'm not so much angry all the time, but things are really bad in this school district right now and trying to deal with them is about as effective as talking to a brick wall.

Plus I have problems with injustice and am unable to handle those type things the way "normal" people do.