[phlashback]

Well I can say that I am officially confused. I am not depressed, and not manic. I actually feel 'normal' but am confused out of my mind.

I make no claims to have any relationship experience, and admit that my own self destruction has interfered in past experiences. I met a girl, and we have dated several times. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of a year (he dumped her).

We spent all Friday together and she met my best friend and his girlfriend. They got along well and we all had a good time. The week earlier we were at my Nephews birthday party, it was a hockey game and she loves hockey. My Uncle invited her to an Easter family gathering. I was happy to have her come, but also hesitant as it seemed a bit fast. She wanted to go and I do like her.

On Sunday I emailed her to express my feelings. I will summarize the email. I like her a lot, and care for her. I do not want to be the rebound guy, and I do not want to push or rush. I want to take things slow and see where they lead.

Monday she wanted to get together and talk, which did not happen because she ended up in the hospital. She got a hold of me at about 5:00am Tuesday to tell me what had happened. I work at the hospital, so I was able to see her (with her permission).

I brought a plant (represents healing) a card, and a stuffed penguin (which is her favorite animal). When I went to go back to work she grabbed my hand, and then pulled me close and we kissed for the first time. She asked if I could come back, and I was allowed to work from the room so I did. That night she asked me some very personal (and awkward for me) questions. I answered her questions (even though it was embarrassing). And we held and kissed each other.

Well fast forward to Thursday. She was released, and she called me when she got home. I asked if I could do anything for her, and she said no. She mentioned that she was kind of bored, and I offered to stop by after work if she wanted. Well she said that would not be a good idea, and then proceeds to tell me that I should back off a bit, and that we were moving too fast. I said no problem; because I do not want to rush, and to be honest I was feeling rushed by her.

I get home from work, and was talking to some friends and she texted me to ask if I was mad at her. I was not mad, I was disappointed that things seemed to be moving forward and then took a step back. So I responded no I’m not mad. Then she said we should get out and see a movie tonight. After what was said earlier I was extra confused, but I agreed. I picked her up, and when I was driving she said that she likes me a lot, but only wanted to be friends right now. She said that she does not want me to be just the rebound guy, and end up hating her. She set the rules as right now we would not hold hands and kiss as we had been. She said that she is not ready for a relationship, but that she could see me as being in one with her, and even wants that.

I told her that I do understand, and that I do not want to rush. I respect that she just ended a relationship, and that I want to be her friend. So before the night was over she had asked me even more personal questions regarding sex and why I am a virgin still. I answered her truthfully that the opportunities I have had were not with people I truly cared about, and that I personally view sex as something to be shared by people who care and love one another. She asked if I was waiting for marriage, and I said no just the right person. She then grabbed my hand and said she liked me even more because she now knows that I am not just trying to get in her pants.
For setting the rules that we were not holding hands, she had and caressed my hand most of the night. I really like this girl, and want to give her the time she needs… I am just confused because it’s say one thing, and then do another. I am not in a hurry, and have no problem waiting. I just am so confused right now. The feelings I have are completely new to me and I just don’t know what to think. She says back off, but then she says come and get me.

[NuckingFutz]

Feel like a yo-yo yet? What she says she wants (to take things slow) and what she does (holding you, kissing you and asking questions only a lover would dare ask) are opposite signals she is sending you. Your confusion is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Wish I could help with the mixed messages.

[allme]

man no wonder you are confused! This girl sounds like she doesnt even know what she wants and is confused herself. she sounds as though she may not be quite over this other guy so is feeling guilty when she feels she is getting close to you. But this isnt fair on you. Just my opinion but look after yourself and dont get caught up in any games. If she does it again I would confront her and to stop messing you around. :-)

[TerminalxDarkness]

yea, sounds like shes kinda playing games with your head and emotions, dont get caught up in that, it shall tear you apart >.<. she could very well be confused though, as allme said, but be careful with that

[phlashback]

Thanks for the support. For once I felt like my life was moving forward, but what do I know. I finally take down my walls, and open myself up to vulnerability and this. Yes I feel like a Yo-Yo and unfortunately there is no medication for this. My therapist commented that I had made a huge step forward, and now I ask why do I bother. My emotions are being toyed with and I am feeling even more alone now than before. At least before I could take comfort in the fact everything seemed to be wrong, now I just don't know.

Thing is I understand she needs time... I always have, and I made it clear that I wanted to move slowly. Then I am literally pulled in and then pushed away while still being held onto. Oh well I have feelings for her so it is to late to avoid the hurt.

[allme]

Yes you took steps forward and opened yourself up... you still have made progress reagrdless of the outcome. You asked why you even bothered... you bothered because your heart wants you too. You are human and becasue we are human we get hurt but that is just life. It's not what happens to us that is important... ultimately, it's how we deal with it

Tell this girl what she is doing and stop messing you around. As a human being you deserve more and with our illness, man, this crap don't help.

You have done nothing wrong.... we cant control others and their behaviours but we can certainly control our and how we react to situations and what others do.

Dont be so hard on yourself dude..... remember you're only human .... well if I were on a up, I would tell you we are only GOD! LOLOL!!

Seriously take care, look after you

[grizmom]

I agree that you should talk to her and make it clear that you both set some boundaries and you want to stick to those boundaries for the time being. Let her know that the two of you can talk about changing those boundaries at a later time when you both feel ready to take the next step. No matter what, always take care of yourself! It is nice to be in a relationship and have someone to care about and to care about you in return, but it's not worth it if the relationship is unhealthy. I'm proud of you for taking a risk!! Best of luck to you!

[phlashback]

Thanks again everyone

I talked to my sister today and the subject came up. After 10 years of not speaking it is surprising how much I have in common with her. She had the same general advice, and gave me some good perspective. I felt much better about the situation after having her listen.

While I was talking to my sister the I was instant messaged by the girl. We did not get together tonight, but she did call and wants to get together and talk Sunday. I will use the opportunity.

I realized that I have already made myself vulnerable so there is a potential of being hurt and that cannot be undone at this point. But I will take care and look out for myself.

thanks again!

[phlashback]

Well the signals are no longer mixed, and she wants to be with me. Apparently last night she had a conversation that gave her perspective and she has decided to go forward with me.

I am less confused and better understand what her confusion was really all about. We have decided that we both want to go forward in this. Yes I can still get hurt, but there is also a lot of new and exciting things happening.

Thanks again for the support and wisdom. She knows what I want, and she wants that as well.