[kadesgirl09]

I am angoraphobic and bipolar. I just replied to a message in anxiety about this but I wanted to post this because it is really bothering me. I hope I am not over doing it...
Anyways, my hubsnad and I had some work to do in New Orleans this past week. His dad (whom I work for) decided it would be a good idea to go the French Quarter Fest since my husband and I would be down there anyways. I balked at this idea obviously because of all the people that would be there. I begged my husband to let me stay home with the kids while he went and took someone else to work with him. He wouldnt have it. He wanted us to have a second honeymoon. Anyways, I made it through the weekend end without a panic attack just high anxiety and throwing up daily. Then my father-in-law mentions I should be crured of my angoraphobia by attending the festival!!!! It really was a nightmare. Then on the way back (my fath-in-law is a chiro and m.d. and thinks he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING) he told me that really i shouldnt be taking meds because my life is stable now and im not on drugs!! i told him every time i have gotten off my meds i have ended up in jail and he told me my going to jail had nothing to do with bipolar. i know it does because when im manic i make impulse decisions and dont think things through but arguing with him is impossible because im just a woman that didnt go to college even with inferior genes im sure so i just shut up. the worst part is i work for him... is he right? could i get off the meds and be ok because my life is stable now? and is the anxiety really all in my head? i really would love it if he were right because if there was a magic way for me to be cured wouldnt that be awesome! these pills im on have made me huge and a zombie so i would like nothing other than to get off of them...

[grizmom]

PLEASE don't go off of your meds without speaking to your pdoc. If the side effects are bad, maybe you can try something else. Your father-in-law is not YOUR doctor, and he's not a pdoc. Plus he said "you are doing well now", but obviously if you were throwing up from anxiety every day, you definitely shouldn't stop taking medication for it. Diabetics feel good but they don't stop taking their insulin. If you go to the dentist and have no cavities, that doesn't mean you stop flossing and brushing your teeth. When you get strep throat, you take the medication for as long as it's prescribed, even if you feel better after one day.

Yes, regular doctors know a *little* about mental illness, just like pdocs know a *little* about regular medicine. But if you complained of back pain to your pdoc, he/she might prescribe something short term, but will want you to follow up with a regular doctor. A regular doctor can prescribe anti-depressants, but they will have you follow up with a pdoc.

Sorry I rambled, but I hate to see people go off meds without a pdoc's recommendation. I've lost 1 friend to sui because he went off his meds, and another friend almost succeeded in sui and was in a coma for 2 weeks after going off her meds. It's not worth the risk. Please take care of yourself and if your father-in-law suggests going off of meds again, just say "Thanks for the advice, but I'll have to discuss that with my pdoc".

[allme]

nooo please dont just come off your meds!! Oh dont listen to his comments, he obvioulsy has no idea what his talking about. I agree totally with the above post *hugs*

[leah0306]

Originally Posted by kadesgirl09

I am angoraphobic and bipolar. I just replied to a message in anxiety about this but I wanted to post this because it is really bothering me. I hope I am not over doing it...
Anyways, my hubsnad and I had some work to do in New Orleans this past week. His dad (whom I work for) decided it would be a good idea to go the French Quarter Fest since my husband and I would be down there anyways. I balked at this idea obviously because of all the people that would be there. I begged my husband to let me stay home with the kids while he went and took someone else to work with him. He wouldnt have it. He wanted us to have a second honeymoon. Anyways, I made it through the weekend end without a panic attack just high anxiety and throwing up daily. Then my father-in-law mentions I should be crured of my angoraphobia by attending the festival!!!! It really was a nightmare. Then on the way back (my fath-in-law is a chiro and m.d. and thinks he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING) he told me that really i shouldnt be taking meds because my life is stable now and im not on drugs!! i told him every time i have gotten off my meds i have ended up in jail and he told me my going to jail had nothing to do with bipolar. i know it does because when im manic i make impulse decisions and dont think things through but arguing with him is impossible because im just a woman that didnt go to college even with inferior genes im sure so i just shut up. the worst part is i work for him... is he right? could i get off the meds and be ok because my life is stable now? and is the anxiety really all in my head? i really would love it if he were right because if there was a magic way for me to be cured wouldnt that be awesome! these pills im on have made me huge and a zombie so i would like nothing other than to get off of them...

Ioften am tempted to quit with the meds. but each time i have done so, i end up spiraling down..... So, please check with dr. first, dont let the father-in-law dictate your mental health, unfortunately, some people dont understand how dibilitating anxiety can be, your in my thoughts and take care, okay

[musikcrazy]

I agree with everyone. Check with the pdoc first. My mother always makes the same comments and I recently DID stop taking my Lamictal and it ended badly. You know what is best and your pdoc knows what is best. I understand about the whole feeling like a zombie thing. It took several years for me to find a combo that works and doesn't make me feel like the walking dead!

[ruffy]

Your father in law obviously doesnt know the first thing about bipolar disorder. I think you should buy him that book, whats it called..? "Bipolar for Dummies"

[Anneinside]

Bipolar is not something that is cured by medications, it is stabilized. Bipolar is a lifetime disorder which needs medication to keep it in check. Talk to your pdoc about your medications, not a chiropractor. But be sure to see him if your back hurts.

[Lisa Michelle]

Is it medication for anxiety? What are you taking?
You do need to discuss it with your doc and think about it a lot. Only you know what's right for you.
But in my personal experience I once took a medication prescribed for anxiety, and same as you said it made me into a zombie. It was horrid, but I guess right at that moment I was fine with being a zombie. This was in Spain by the way, and by the time I got back to England I knew I hated that medication. Unless you're recovering from a trauma and just for a while NEED to not feel anything I think being a zombie is the last thing you need in life. It's not a life, is it?
I got back anyway and told my doc what I was on and he was like "woah" (ok so my doc didn't really say woah lol)... he said that they don't even prescribe it in Britain, that Spain is crazy with some of the things they prescribe. They also prescribe it in the US though.
I think sometimes some meds can do more harm than good.

If you're on meds for your bipolar it's prob recommended you keep doing so, to keep it under control. But if it's for the anxiety I'm not so sure, it's a good idea to talk to your doc about what the med is really doing for you.

But also.. don't let your father in law tell you that you're fine when you're not. You know yourself more than him. He's probably trying to help, but telling you that you don't need meds is a bit irresponsible cos they could be what's holding you together. So yeah... talk to doc if you're concerned.

And lastly well done for going and going to the festival too!!! Anxiety is horrid, but I do think to an extent it can be overcome by just doing things anyway... it's so great you 'felt the fear and did it anyway'. You should feel proud of yourself.

[SunnyD]

Thank goodness your father in law isn't your doctor. People are ignorant if they ask you to go without your meds. Bipolar for Dummies (if it exists) sounds like a great birthday present for him.

[WendyAussie]

Two things - like everyone said - do not go off your meds. They are the thing giving you any recovery and functionality you do have. And YOU know your history, you have lived it, no-one else. Trust that knowledge and your gut.

Secondly, this is a really fantastic opportunity to start to learn assertiveness skills and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I would work with your therapist to really focus on those things. The obvious starting point is with you father in law, but these skills will serve you well in all areas of your life going forward.

[Phoenix1985]

Please don't stop taking your meds. I've heard many people say they are stable, go off their meds then crash only to start taking them again. Please don;t put yourself through that pain for one ignorant fool.

[kadesgirl09]

thanks everyone... i guess i just needed to know he wasnt right about EVERYTHING... I really know better than to get off my meds but that is something I would be very easily pursuaded to do. But your comments helped reiterate that its a BAD IDEA... I am on meds for bipolar not anxiety btw... doc took me off anxiety meds cause they are so bad for you in the long term. also looking for tdoc think i may have found one but have to scrape up the money to see her. once i do start seeing her though i will definatley bring up father-in-law to her and see if she can help me learn to be assertive around him. thanks again everyone!

It is easy for people who don't understand bipolar to be cavalier. But they are wrong, regardless of any degree they may hold. Stay on your meds. Sure, adjust if necessary with the consultation of your p-doc, but you *know* how serious bipolar is and you shouldn't listen to someone who clearly doesn't have a clue, even if they *think* they do.
Btw, there *is* a book called Bipolar for Dummies and it is quite good! To the point that I've read many many, but actually OWN that one to have something on hand that can help people start to understand. (I don't believe anyone who doesn't live it can actually understand, but it can keep them from total ignorance, and hopefully from unhelpful attitudes...)

[Eloise42]

First of all I went to and graduated from a well-respected college and I just hate it when people think they are somehow less intelligent or inferior because they didn't. Believe me when I say that colleges are chock-full of IDIOTS, there are people who are there because they want to learn but you wouldn't believe some of the morons who just happened to be either lucky or good at going to school (and little else).

It amazes me how little understanding there is about our condition. This guy is clearly uninformed. People have said similar things to me, 'you seem fine' 'do you really need to take pills?'. When treatment is going well it is easy to forget that we aren't like other people and the idea is very tempting. Now I know that when I hear feedback like that I should just take it as a positive sign that I'm already doing something right and should stick with it.

I also have anxiety and phobias and have had people think the best idea is to 'power through' them. Sometimes that is true but there are a lot of times when it isn't. People don't understand that just because they aren't afraid it means you shouldn't be either. My roommate was recently mugged outside of our house. Instead of pushing her to get over it or convincing her her fear is irrational I'm telling her she can get past it in her own time. Instead of rushing her I say 'it's okay that you are afraid of this but I am not which means I can help'. If she doesn't want to go out alone after dark I just go with her. I have rational fear of large aggressive dogs and the people who care about me know that sometimes I will need to hide behind them and they help by not being afraid of what I am and not pressuring me.

I am guessing that you are not just afraid of leaving your comfort zone you are also worried about how you will react and that is a possibility, it is rational. You can't expect people to understand but you can ask them to have patience, if they want to help you, make it easy for them by telling them how: 'you help me by being patient and helping me feel safe with you, because that is what I need'.

[kadesgirl09]

Eloise... thank you so much for your kind words... your right. when I was in New Orleans and the people were everywhere I walked directly behind my father-in-law who is well over 6.5ft tall and over 300lb and with my husbands arms around my (he is 350lb and over 6.3ft tall as well)... I still was anxious the whole time we were out but it was a bit better being blocked by the men. Of course my husband knew what I was doing but he father didnt I dont really care, I was just using him as a shield. Yall are right he can think what he wants to. I did learn my lesson on taking trips with him though. Thanks everyone for the feedback, its really easy to feel wrong around him. On top of everything else he owns a law firm and has the art of argument down pat. eck cant we choose our inlaws

[Eloise42]

So the father-in-law sees himself as intelligent, educated and informed? Lawyers have to become fast experts in obscure areas, I'm surprised he hasn't had to learn about bipolar through his work.

You can say a lot of things about lawyers but one thing they are (or were at one point) is diligent scholars. If you can convince him that you know more about this than he does, I would quote a couple statistics off-hand, it might prompt him to do his own research. He sounds like the kind of person who gets annoyed if there is something they don't know about.

I've gotten into debates with guys like him. If they are good at debating they can usually pretend to have some idea what they are talking about. You throw them off by knowing facts they don't. Do a quick search and stick a couple specific statistics in your pocket. He can't counter because he isn't familiar with the material, then has to acknowledge that you are.

[kadesgirl09]

your right... he is not a lawyer though he just owns the law firm... but he might as well be. I already have a ton of statistics and facts in my pocket just waiting on him to bring it up again. I actually had my arsenal ready when he went on his little lecture last time but I felt inferior and like it was better to just keep my mouth shut because when I did start to debate with him he just talked over me. At this point Im not really concerned with what he believes or doesnt believe. I am who I am and if he doesnt like it fine. It sucks working for him and I dont want to go out with him and his wife again but I can co exist.