[Martina]

I need some ideas. I'm married, and we have a joint checking account. I no longer have any credit cards, debit cards, ATM cards, anything like that. And my latest system of budgeting has been working somewhat well - we do all our shopping for groceries, household goods, prescriptions, and gas, at one main store where my husband works. So I load what's budgeted that week onto a reloadable gift card. Then I can't spend any more, and I can only spend it at that store. It's working well.

And then I only allow myself a certain amount of cash spending money every week.

But that's where I get in trouble. When I run out of cash....it is SO EASY to just go to a bank, and withdraw more.

How can I restrict that? I asked the bank and they have no way of doing it for us. The only way would be to take me off the account....but that could have MAJOR ramifications in the event of any kind of emergency, death, or divorce. I'd be screwed.

What should I do to stop the cash withdrawals?

[allme]

Hi, I so sympathise with the money thing. I just spent a whole months wages on crap after cancelling all dd's which mu hubby is yet to find out !!

Could you possibly have the account in a family members name that is for emergencies only? So only they can withdraw it if you really do need it for an emergency?

Hope you find a way around it. Or maybe you can arrange it so that your partner has to sign as well for you to draw extra money?

Hope you work something out

[RRU96]

What about creating a new account. Dont deposit any money into it, but rather, have a bank draft taken from your paycheck or your husbands paycheck. I understand not wanting to get taken off the main account... Maybe your Husband could start the other account... who knows.

[kadesgirl09]

I have my own bank account that only I have access to. I take all money out of my bank and put in my husbands bank account and only leave myself $175 one time a month then $50 twice a month and $25 once a month. that works out for me because even when I blow through the $174 I still have more money coming later so I wont be broke all month. Also if we were ever to split I still have the money that is direct deposited into my account every month. I do not have access to our family bank accounts because that is money for bills, gas, food etc and we cant afford for me to blow through that money. Of course, I have $1490 in my bank account right now and its going to take all the strength I have to withdraw that money and give it to my husband... eek

[mamaJenof5]

How do you let go of controll of these things? I am BAD w/ our money(which I hide from the hubby) and I know I should tell him but the thought of this puts me into a panic

[grizmom]

Just an idea...if you are worried about not having access to the account in case something happens to your husband, can you ask your husband to create a living will with you as the power of attorney? He can make it clear that if he is injured or incapacitated you would have access to the account. As for the worries about possible divorce, can you have a family member put some money in an account in their name and tell them it is only for safe-keeping in case of a separation or divorce? I don't know how close you are to your family so I don't know if that would work or not.

What I do (and it isn't easy when in the midst of hypomania) is to keep a small notepad and pen in my purse and when I see something I "need" (want) I write it down along with the store name and the price and make myself wait two weeks to decide if I will buy it. It is hard, but it works most of the time for me. It does sound like you've made a lot of progress with the spending and I hope you are able to overcome this last hurdle!

[Perna]

I get my cash from my husband's wallet :-) Maybe give your extra checks/withdrawal slips/whatever you have to your husband to "hold"? Have him give you whatever cash you get (instead of your withdrawing it yourself) and just don't "think bank" at all; make the bank off limits like you would a liquor store if you were an alcoholic. Don't need anything at the bank so there's no reason for you to go there.

[Perna]

MamaJen, when I do something I'm afraid isn't "right" I am able to tell my husband and work on it by remembering his comment, "We're on the same side". He's a teammate! You're in this (marriage) together! Let him help you. And if he complains or is unpleasant, it's just words, keep telling him to help you, not criticize or punish you as he is not your boss or father, but your partner!

[meApe]

For a long time my wife was handling the money and things weren't perfect. For a while I started to take money control. Once my symptoms started showing my faith in myself fell. In the last year I've let the main checking account go down the drain. I've got a private account that I've wanted to put my wife on, She refused to sign on. Seeing my habits get worse and worse I'm beginning to believe that things were better off with her heading it up.

[Moreta]

1. Get a Post-It note.
2. Get a RED marker.
3. Write down "NO!"
4. Place on dashboard in your car.
5. Repeat and put anywhere else needed.

When you think about getting out money look at the note and read it (put one in your wallet too). Then stop to realize what you are doing.

Mindfulness.

It's what everyone wants to achieve, but it's hard, frustrating, time consuming, and easily forgotten. Stickies just make life a little easier.

I have lots of post-its up at work, reminding myself of little things that make the day go a little easier. The one I added today was:

"True compassion isn’t an emotional response, but a firm commitment founded on reason: it won’t change if others behave negatively." - Dalia Lama

[Martina]

I have an idea.

Get a joint account at our bank back in Utah. We currently live in Oregon. We would only have access to cash through ATM's. There are some free ATM's here.

Do NOT get me an ATM card - if they send one, don't even activate it, just shred it.

He can still make me take care of the bills, paying the power bill, rent, all that crap. But he would have to be the only one to go get cash. And I WILL force him to read the damn bank statement to make sure I'm not writing checks I shouldn't write. Maybe even tell him to log on and check it online weekly, not just monthly.

But since it's a joint account, I have full legal rights to it in the event of any catastrophe - accident, death, whatever.

(I do already have power of attorney in his will, but that can take forever to take effect)

Is that a good idea?

What am I missing?