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#1
May 24, 2010, 10:36 PM
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I was just looking back through my blog and I'd forgotten I wrote this...I was thinking of taking in some of the things I've written when I see my T tomorrow, but now when I read this one I'm not sure if I like it. Can you all tell me what you think? I'd appreciate it...constructive criticism is welcome, thanks!!
Life on a See-Saw You've probably heard the expression "I'm juggling a lot of things right now", or "I dropped the ball". So let's put a literal translation on that and how it relates to having bipolar disorder. People without bipolar are standing on solid ground, with a lot of colorful balls at their feet. Each ball represents a different aspect of life. There is work, family, recreation, friends, housework, hygiene, exercise, shopping, vacations, etc. They reach down and grab the balls and try to juggle them. It's not easy for anyone, and sometimes people do drop a ball. But for the people who are standing on solid ground, it's easier to reach down and pick the balls back up. People with bipolar are standing on a see-saw, trying to balance in the middle. At any given moment we can slide either way, into depression or mania. We also have extra balls to juggle. Taking medication, side-effects of medication, doctor visits, and therapy appointments. Even when we are able to balance in the middle, it can be hard to reach down and grab more balls than we already have. Sometimes we manage to grab a couple of them and get them into the air with the rest, but eventually we will lose our balance and slide down to one side of the board. When we slide down to the depression side, we usually drop almost every ball. It can be hard to hang on to some of the basics, like hygiene or eating or even just getting out of bed. Sometimes we are able to work our way back to the middle without medication adjustments, but there are a lot of times when we have to start over and tackle new medications with new side effects. When we slide down to the manic side, every ball on the ground is tempting. We try to grab them all at once and start to juggle frantically. We lose interest with some of the new ones easily and grab for different ones. A lot of times we feel so good that we throw the medication and doctor visit balls out the window. We feel pretty good at first, and don't feel like we need those any more. And we don't have time! We have all of these new shiny balls to play with. Eventually, the balls start to drop if we become psychotic or delusional. Things can get scary pretty fast. Finally we end up in the hospital getting put back on medication, and then we try to work towards the middle again. Many of us spend a great deal of time starting over at the beginning. It can be very frustrating and we often feel like failures. It's easy to get to a point where we get to the middle and just say "why bother trying to pick up those balls? I'll just drop them again.". This is when we need people the most. We need people to help us find reasons to try again. A lot of people get tired of this and leave us. We're just too much work. But please try to stay. Please remember that we aren't choosing to live our lives on the see-saw. We aren't asking for your pity, just for your understanding.
__________________
From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too." My blog, "Life and Other Annoyances": http://jennikj.blogspot.com/  |
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#2
May 24, 2010, 10:41 PM
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I think it's an excellent description!
__________________
CindyLuWho “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh "It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end." 
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 grizmom
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#3
May 25, 2010, 12:46 AM
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Constructive criticism? It's perfect.
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| grizmom
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#4
May 25, 2010, 01:07 AM
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FRIGGIN BRILLIANT!!!
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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| grizmom
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#5
May 25, 2010, 01:36 AM
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I concur with CindyLuWho and Innerzone. It is perfect. I've tried to explain bipolar to people before in a way that I thought they could understand or at the very least emphasize with but they still didn't or couldn't get it. I just keep getting responses along the lines of 'Well you can't think like that.' I'm going to copy your Life on a See-Saw into a note on my crackberry and use it as an explanation piece the next time the conversation arises. I just went through my journal from my last hospitalization (April 2009) not that long ago. In one particular entry I wrote about how the group counselor was talking about how we need to hone our coping skills so we can 'rebuild' our lives. To think about it like rebuilding a house. He said if we build our house on sand (poor coping skills) then as soon as the tide (life's ups and downs) comes in our foundation is compromised. I was like that's awesome advice. But what if we're starting not with sand but a vast rocky terrain? With random pieces of sharp jagged rocks jutting up and deep almost bottomless valleys (set in maladaptive coping skills) and only a hammer and chisel to level the terrain to prepare the land to start building upon? What do we do then? How do we ever get ahead? Forget getting ahead, how do we ever get our building area level so we can be on the same playing field as a 'normal' person? Especially when the tools never seem adequate?
 Sorry for the rant. But your see-saw description made think of that. You put so it much better than I could have ever hoped or imagined I'd be able too. Kudos!
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| grizmom
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#6
May 25, 2010, 06:27 AM
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That description really hit home - awesome!
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| grizmom
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#7
May 25, 2010, 08:25 AM
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Thank you everyone! I'm only slightly conscious at the moment as I did not sleep well and I had to get up early because I have my appt. with my T in a couple of hours, but I wanted to thank you all for your generous comments
 Violet - I love your description as well! I'll be back later to answer other posts when I'm more coherent! 
__________________
From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too." My blog, "Life and Other Annoyances": http://jennikj.blogspot.com/ |
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#8
May 25, 2010, 08:30 AM
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It seemed like something you wrote when you were asking others to give there definition of what Bipolar means to them. You wrote it at that time for a reason. Our minds can be all over the place.... so while you may look at that description now and you may not like it.... At one point it obviously meant something.
__________________
“Whatever you are, be a good one.” - Abraham Lincoln |
| grizmom
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#9
May 25, 2010, 08:33 AM
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All the best with your T visit. I know that incoherent feeling. I usually get it when I'm about to enter my depressive phase and switch off as a way to protect myself. Now you couple that with lack of sleep, and I'm a walking zombie.
Maybe discuss medidation methods with your T to help you sleep? Or can your pdoc not get you some stronger sleeping tabs? |
| grizmom
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#10
May 25, 2010, 08:34 AM
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 I hope your appt goes well!!!
__________________
DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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| grizmom
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#11
May 25, 2010, 08:35 AM
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RRU96 has hit the nail on the head - depending on your mood at the time, bipolar can really be interpreted in a multitude of ways - yours is appropriate for one of those moods. And right now I can relate. I can picture myself on that see-saw and seeing as I cannot even juggle in real life, the complexity painted by your explanation is spot-on!
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| grizmom
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#12
May 25, 2010, 09:52 AM
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awesome description! Do you mind if I share that with people that dont understand bipolar? THANKS! AND GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR T!!!
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| grizmom
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#13
May 25, 2010, 01:24 PM
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Quote:
This was my third appointment and we have started deciding on a few things to work on; some "easier" things to begin with. As for the sleeping; I actually sleep pretty well with my current combo of meds, but I have PTSD - related nightmares that wake me out of a dead sleep and then I have to get up for about 1/2 hour to clear my head before I go back to sleep again. The doctors have said that there really is no way to stop the nightmares with sleep meds, it's something that eventually I'll need to work through in therapy. I don't have them every night; usually 3 or 4 times a week. And then I had to get up to an alarm because of the appointment so I was out of it for a couple of hours. Still a little tired, but with the help of some coffee I'm at least fully conscious now LOL... kadesgirl...you can feel free to share what I've written; I have some other things in my blog as well. I've not written much in there lately as I've been doing some regular journaling for now. Thanks again everyone for the feedback on my writing, I really appreciate it!
__________________
From the movie The Hours: "If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too." My blog, "Life and Other Annoyances": http://jennikj.blogspot.com/ |
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#14
May 25, 2010, 01:30 PM
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after seeing what all you went through to get this t and then to get an appt with him I am so happy that you are finally in a pattern of seeing him. I want to live vicariously through you since my husband wont let me spend the money to see a t. or take the time off work. blah. But im really happy things are looking up in that department for you.
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