[beautifuldisaster78]

Not really sure where to post this. I guess since I've been diagnosed Bipolar II, I'll put it here... but not sure if it's a bipolar trait or not. Anyway, just wondering if anyone has had an experience of feeling like they need a human security blanket? Let me explain what I mean....
I tend to find one person, and cling to them for dear life. I'm not dependant- in the sense that I can make my own decisions (though do value their input) but emotionally and spiritually, I do become dependant. It's always only one person at a time in my life. And not in the romantic sense. It near kills me when they leave (for whatever reason). There's only been 3 people in my life like this, and 2 of them are long distance and we only communicate through emails and such. All three have been very strong spiritual mentors. The first 2, I dont talk to anymore (long stories but didn't end badly- per se). The one I'm talking to now-- i know he has his own life, family, etc... but I find myself emailing him every time something goes wrong. Every mood fluctuation. Every new idea. and I check my email several times a day/night waiting for a reply (that usually takes a week or more). He says it doesn't bother him. He's very supportive. But why do I do this? Why do I cling to certain people as if that person is my security blanket?

Does anyone else experience this? Does it even have a name? I've tried to google it. Not coming up with anything. Sorry for the length of this post. Thanks.

[FeelingHopeful]

I dont think its wrong for you to want to have someone in your life you can talk to and rely on for support. Everyone needs someone to be that person for them. You deserve it too friend.

[Skully]

You are not alone. My mother was my human security blanket and when she died, everything came crashing down. I have learned to be more independent since thank goodness.

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by Skully

You are not alone. My mother was my human security blanket and when she died, everything came crashing down. I have learned to be more independent since thank goodness.

My dad was mine. He was the barrier between me & my mom. I am so glad I was dating my husband when my dad passed away. My husband is my security blanket now and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have him, I would not be here.

Originally Posted by QueenAccountant

...My husband is my security blanket now and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have him, I would not be here.

I can TOTALLY relate to this, though it is my BF. I don't really see a long term trait in this regard, like beautifuldisaster78 asks about... but I don't know that it *wouldn't* be so... I simply never had that kind of relationship with anyone. Not close to family. Was married a *long* time, but he totally never *got* my BP-ness, so I went inside myself as much as possible. However, I do know that the security blanket analogy applies in the case of my BF. I quite literally had figured it was 'bout time to... wrap it up, you might say. Then I met him. It is the most miraculous thing that has ever happened in my life, timing not the least of which. It is one of the very few things I don't share with him, because it would just be entirely too much pressure. Nor do I keep him apprised of every fluctuation. I'll give him a head's up if I'm really off, and he's observant enough to know when I'm not quite right. For me, these "small" things are HUGE, never having experienced anyone who gave a damn enough. Overall, I'm not a dependant person emotionally. Everyone is at arm's length. Always have been. My reasoning, such as it is, is "Can't let you in. Too dark in here." Don't expect much anyway, so why bother? Never consult anyone about "what to do" or even let them know what's up. I *am* a dependant sort in terms of financial and navigating the "real world", for reasons of sucking royally in those regards.
What was the question again?
(Hehe, so yeah, no problems on a "long" post beautifuldisaster -- it's quite concise actually!)

[beautifuldisaster78]

I kinda wish I could keep everyone at arms length...and I do for the most part. It's just those certain people that I think I put too much into. Especially since they have their own lives ya know? I'm 31 years old and I cling to them like a child. It's weird- and really, really hard when they don't cling back.
Thanks for all the replies btw

[sugahorse1]

I do this too, and it has caused the most issues in my life and happiness.
When I was about 16, not dx'd BP though, I had another woman who was like my mentor and I could talk to her about anything. I don't have a bad relationship with my parents, I just don't discuss personal things with them.

Now I have a friend, who stays 600km from me. I've known her for about 3 years, but never met her personally. We chat via mail, sms, Skype... She is also BP and I can really trust her with anything. She is my lifeline.

I have another woman at work, but I think I just smother her. She has a family and a life too, and I've had to take a step back and stay at arms length, for feer of losing a real friendship.

I had a relationship with another woman, and she was my everything. I drove her to end our relationship and eventually even our friendship. It was very hard.

I can talk to my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel that because he's male, he just cannot understand that deep emotional rambling I tend to carry on with.

I then have a few friends who are just that - friends to have a good time with. Most don't know about my BP, and it's easier that way.
I'm 24 and hate relying on other people - one actually cannot reply on others for ones happiness; this is something I need to work on.