[mommasuesue]

Hi anyone whos here today . I'm having issues today because my son hurt my feelings last night by saying 6 words ! it must be a trigger for me to go straight in to bipolar depression or whatever you call it I do have bpd so im very sensitive to what people say to me obviously! I immediantly shut down last night couldnt talk or eat or anything just cried. anyone else have this kind of trigger? I know some of my triggers but I think mine all are from verbal and mental and physical abuse . how about you ?
I always seem to be more sad and irrated then manic but my pdoc just started me on another med lamotrigine so hopefully it helps me !!! I have only been on it now for 3 weeks . I dont have anyone here that I know that has bpd so I do this all by myself Ive been married 3 times all 3 times divorced because of my actions . last husband moved me here from california and one day a month after we moved here I went shopping and when I came home he left me a note saying bye going back to Fresno !!! needless to say thats when I ended up in the hospital and discovered I was bpd! how long have I had this bpd !!!

I am 46 now and have no family except for my son my other family members wont talk to me because of religous reasons
help me btw my last husband and i were together for 12 years

[owllover99]

I don't know what to say. My "triggers" and things don't matter. You need help and love. And from what you have said there's little to be found.
How does your church people treat you? or do you attend a church? Maybe and that's a big maybe they could help. So could a therapest. Talk to your pdoc.
I had men do me dirty most of my life, but my husbands did not do that. I can see how that put you in the hospital. And now you're stuck in Iowa. All I can say is my heart goes out to you and if it helps keep posting. Anything to keep your sanity.

[Trippin2.0]

[Skully]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Hopefully the Lamictal helps you. It did wonders for me and my depression. As for your son, he may have been upset and didn't mean what he said. Maybe after a couple days sit down with him and let him know how much his words hurt you and ask why he said them.

[rkba97]

Lamictal is my miracle drug.

My fiance is very blunt and he's adjusting to living with an extremely sensitive personality while I'm working on being less sensitive. We can't even have a serious talk without me bursting into tears. So he feels like he's walking on eggshells and can't tell me how he really feels because I'm either going to cry for an hour and repeat how much he hurt my feelings, or I'm going to lash out at him in anger to try and hurt him right back.

I'm at the point where I recognize it happening WHILE it's happening, but not at the point where I've learned some coping skills. So I know what I'm doing, but I can't help myself. Hopefully that will come with time. Meanwhile, after the fact I look back at what happened and think, how could I go from perfectly happy to completely despondent and self-pitying in literally an instant? Honestly I live in fear that he'll finally give up and leave me. And I couldn't say I blame him, cuz I'm crazy.

Living with bipolar isn't easy. Living with someone with bipolar is just as hard.

PLEASE don't blame this all on yourself. This is not a life you chose to lead. Some people are just not strong enough, not like you and I, who are learning to live with it, as hard as it often is. There are very few people who can cope with living with bipolar, whether it's their own or a loved one's. Most important right now is taking care of yourself.

There are support groups, group therapy, millions of people who have mental disorders available online (like here!)... and we're all happy to talk to you. These message boards are a lifesaver for me, I think, sometimes literally. Always here if you want to talk!

--RK

[mommasuesue]

oh wow thank you all for your thoughts and sharing your problems with me also for the hugs and friendship its very heartwarming thank you all

[pachyderm]

Are you seeing a psychotherapist, mommasuesue? I think that depending on medications alone is likely not a good idea.

[Shakti]

I'm not of a traditional religion and my entire family has shunned me for it. I have, in turn, and for different reasons, cut off the toxic relationships with my family and done the whole Kubler-Ross grieving process (because I had to truly let them go, let them die to me--it could not be fixed and was too dysfunctional, especially with all the mental illness in my family), but for them, it was their religious zealotry and inability to accept me as a non-Christian (I'm very spiritual, but not Christian) that ended the relationships. I can relate.

I can also relate on just a few little words hurting my feelings and triggering me big time. It's been (and still is) a process learning to try to let them wash over and through me and them let them go. And also learning to address them rationally when they should be addressed and not to when they are not worth it (and to know when they are not worth it). And trying to see when it is my bipolar causing the problem or if it is actually the words of others.

As is often said, we can react or we can take a moment and choose to respond. It's easier said than done, especially for us bipolar folks, but it's an option and still a tool. Words still hurt and triggers are still triggers, though. I'm very sorry your feeling were hurt. I think truly that bipolar people (and possibly mentally ill people, in general) are so much more sensitive emotionally and feel things more deeply and immediately. It makes it difficult to process things rationally sometimes.

I personally do not see a therapist. I did not and do not find it helpful. Bipolar, if that is all you have, is seen by many psychiatrists as a medical condition only. Of course some feel otherwise--especially if there are other conditions to contend with. Going to a therapist for bipolar alone can be like going to a therapist for a broken leg. I cannot talk out the chemicals in my brain that have gone wonky, just like I can't fix a broken leg by talking about it. Sure, I can learn coping skills from a therapist, and for some people therapy does help for that. It's a personal choice. But for me, it was just kind of useless. I handled my own coping skills on my own and have a hefty toolbox full of them and am happy and confident with what I have. I'm forced to see a social worker now to stay on a wait list for a psychiatrist through my insurance, but we don't do therapy. We touch base and chat and he is also happy and confident with my hefty little toolbox of coping skills. Like I said, it's a personal choice. I'm NOT advocating against it--it helps many people! I'm just being a voice for the other side.

Although, in some ways, coming here and just having others to talk to and relate is a kind of therapy too...and this does help.

[pachyderm]

It is being more accepted nowadays, and it only makes sense, that talking changes the brain too. So don't discount the effects it can have even in changing "chemicals" -- assuming you have a skilled-enough therapist.

[mommasuesue]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Are you seeing a psychotherapist, mommasuesue? I think that depending on medications alone is likely not a good idea.

I was for like 3 years but now I have a social worker that comes to visit me every week

[mommasuesue]

Originally Posted by Shakti

I'm not of a traditional religion and my entire family has shunned me for it. I have, in turn, and for different reasons, cut off the toxic relationships with my family and done the whole Kubler-Ross grieving process (because I had to truly let them go, let them die to me--it could not be fixed and was too dysfunctional, especially with all the mental illness in my family), but for them, it was their religious zealotry and inability to accept me as a non-Christian (I'm very spiritual, but not Christian) that ended the relationships. I can relate.

I can also relate on just a few little words hurting my feelings and triggering me big time. It's been (and still is) a process learning to try to let them wash over and through me and them let them go. And also learning to address them rationally when they should be addressed and not to when they are not worth it (and to know when they are not worth it). And trying to see when it is my bipolar causing the problem or if it is actually the words of others.

As is often said, we can react or we can take a moment and choose to respond. It's easier said than done, especially for us bipolar folks, but it's an option and still a tool. Words still hurt and triggers are still triggers, though. I'm very sorry your feeling were hurt. I think truly that bipolar people (and possibly mentally ill people, in general) are so much more sensitive emotionally and feel things more deeply and immediately. It makes it difficult to process things rationally sometimes.

I personally do not see a therapist. I did not and do not find it helpful. Bipolar, if that is all you have, is seen by many psychiatrists as a medical condition only. Of course some feel otherwise--especially if there are other conditions to contend with. Going to a therapist for bipolar alone can be like going to a therapist for a broken leg. I cannot talk out the chemicals in my brain that have gone wonky, just like I can't fix a broken leg by talking about it. Sure, I can learn coping skills from a therapist, and for some people therapy does help for that. It's a personal choice. But for me, it was just kind of useless. I handled my own coping skills on my own and have a hefty toolbox full of them and am happy and confident with what I have. I'm forced to see a social worker now to stay on a wait list for a psychiatrist through my insurance, but we don't do therapy. We touch base and chat and he is also happy and confident with my hefty little toolbox of coping skills. Like I said, it's a personal choice. I'm NOT advocating against it--it helps many people! I'm just being a voice for the other side.

Although, in some ways, coming here and just having others to talk to and relate is a kind of therapy too...and this does help.

Yes i have a social worker now therapy didnt seem to help when i went to therapy i always left crying it just dont work for me it didnt fix me and i do have other issues pdoc said i have attachment disorder adjustment disoeder and anxiety disorder on top of that bipolar

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by mommasuesue

I was for like 3 years but now I have a social worker that comes to visit me every week

Better than nothing!