[laranja]

I just want it to stop! Im sick of taking ten pills a night. I know im more level now, but my creativity has been crushed into nothing, and the passion in life has left.. I want my spark to come back! I know mania is good-gone-bad, but it's better than this sickening neutrality. I think i could control myself off of meds now that im diagnosed and much more educated about my illness. Has anyone else felt this way?

Maybe ill stay on the antidepressants, because without them, i could fall back down where i never want to be again.. Id like to get off the mood stabilizers, esp the depakote, i dont enjoy those bad boys. i feel like i can really LIVE when theyre not holding me down, but its "for my own good."

Sigh.

[onlymedid]

I completely understand where you are coming from as I have felt the exact same way before. I stopped my meds once (just once) thinking I was ok, I don't need the meds, I can control it on my own, etc. That was the very last time I ever do that because I hated who I was when I was not on meds. In fact, my husband said he won't let me stop taking them. He said he will never go through it again. The last time I quit I hallucinated, got extremely angry, sad....everything was too the umpteenth degree.
You need to talk to your p-doc about changing your meds because the affects could be really bad.
Whatever your decision, I hope you are ok.

[Shakti]

What you probably do NOT want to it is to be on only anti-depressants. It is recommended, as a rule, that bipolar people should not be on an anti-depressant alone because it can induce mania (as was my experience and was part of what helped diagnose me bipolar). Or misery (as was also definitely my experience). If anything stick to just the mood stabilizers--they are sort of the basic foundation of treatment with medication and they go from there. But I mean, I'm not saying change anything at all. For that, of course work with your doctor. But I highly doubt you will get put on just an anti-dep.

Please talk to your doctor about this before you do any of this stuff. I think there would be an order of some sort that would be best for reducing the number/type of meds you take, but your doctor would best guide you through that.

But I know what you mean about popping so many pills. Ugh.

[sugahorse1]

Don't stop the meds, they are allowing you to function as you do right now... ((HUGS))

[Skully]

I totally can understand how you feel! I take so many pills I swear I am turning into one! But, I know that they are needed so I take them each day like I am supposed to. It sucks but I am stuck with it.

[rkba97]

I joke about how I'm a walking pharmacy, but it sure does make you feel crazy when you stop for a second and just look at all the different pills in your hand that you're about to swallow. It took me long enough to remember to take them all, now I'd feel weird not taking them. And I'll keep taking them because I'm lucky enough to have good insurance, and I am 100% sure that I would not be who I am today, maybe not even alive today, and feeling so in control of my life these days, if not for those pills.

It's on my manic days that I want to stop... so if you're anything like me, be especially careful on the days that you most want to just stop taking your meds, because those are the days when you need them the most.

[BlackPup]

Keep talking with your doctor. Once things settle, maybe you can try reducing or changing some of the nasties...
I think its really important to have a decent period of "normal" time to let your brain readjust to normal moods before you try to remove things... also as Shakti suggested, antidepressants only - bad news!!!
Manias drive depressions, so getting rid of the manias is the best way to avoid nasty depressions...

[sugahorse1]

How you feeling today Lara?