I have a question about moods (Trigger)

Why is it sometimes Im so emotionally sensitive and other times I just dont give a **** ?
I'm the kind of person with a very open mind I guess thats from things i've done in my past and when I didnt know I was bp!! If ya know what I mean !
Anywho Im startiong to look back at the things I have done over the years before I was diagnosed and Im realizing that Ive not been a good person ! Ive been married 3 times and had other relationships too that I probably sabotaged and didnt even know it at the time.
But my question is : Im still trying to learn about bpd 2 and I was dignosed about 4-5 years ago but now I have a computer and Im finding out alot about bp now and myself !
Why am I so sensitive and other times I dont give a ****?
Why am I ashamed of me? I didnt know I wasnt normal
I have been sad lately realizing what kind of person I am , what a bad mom I was , what a bad wife I was and now look at me Im single and alone I think Im scared of this bp inside of me !
Why is it that my friends can hurt my feelings and not understand im going to be depressed for a while now thanks alot and then I turn around and say things to them thats hurtful to them cuz they tell me about but I just dont give a **** ?
I just dont understand any of this !!! please help me and teach me about bpd !!!

When I'm depressed I get emotional.
When I'm hypomanic, I become selfish and don't give a $hit.
Guess that's the short version of me.
We've all made mistakes in our lives, and having unmedicated BP only makes it worse. Once we get dx'd and medicated, we have a fighting chance of being able to be that person everyone strives to be, the hero and role-model.
Don't be hard on yourself - we always have an uphill battle and as long as we know we are giving it our best shot - that's good enough for me (Sorry for everyone else; they can walk a day in my shoes if they have a problem with me!)
***Note*** This is the hypomanic, I'm great, I'm better than everyone else, ME, talking.***

mommasuesue Diagnosed BP or not humans can do awful things and be very cruel to each other. I have been guilty of it and will be guilty of it again.

The key is that you can look back on it and recognize it. Change comes from first recognizing it, then being conscious of what you say or do. Will you have slip ups? Yes, but owning it and apologizing for it can work wonders. Avoid the "yeah but" apology i.e. I'm sorry, but I was angry, hypomanic, depressed etc. etc.

At times depending on our mental state we will react more than the average person. That is the unfortunate part of the illness. Will all of our friends understand that? No, but in most cases you can choose who and when you spend with. Hope that helps.

That's me in a nutshell... in fact, I'm in one of my selfish-don't-give-a-$hit moods right now...

You are human, I am human, we are all human - we do things that are wrong, mean and hurtful. It is right to want to do better, it is right to want to apologise for when have done wrong, to somehow make it better, to feel regret over the things we have done that hurt others. This is what it is to be human. But all we can do is make the best choices that we can today, and do the best by those in our lives.
The bipolar is no different - you can only do what you can do, take your meds, try to keep stable, recognise when you are being oversensitive and try not to take it to heart, recognise when you are being selfish or callous and try to not be nasty....
We all make mistakes, and will continue to make mistakes - the trick is to try and make less mistakes

I had one of those moments this morning.
My bf was ranting about colleagues, I took it personally and took off at him. I feel terrible. I feel selfish
I was in my "I don't-give-a-$hit" moods, and now it's dropped me into depression and guilt - not fair!

like you i sway back and forth between givin a **** and being too codependent. i have to admit; from the 20 yrs ago of my initial diagnosis to noe. having therapy has helped alot. its all so complicated for me and wound up in my childhood issues as well as my BP and other two diagnosis of anxiety and PTSD AND recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction. i am a therapist's wet dream. thats just for me. i wish you well in getting the answers you seek from the great people here.

How you doing Momma?