Am I a FAKE/FLAKE?

I'm trippin balls (so what's new)

I feel like such a flake & fake...
Last week I was experiencing a psychotic episode, this week I"M FINE, like it never even happened. I'm starting to question the reality & severity of my illness... Breaking point 1 minute, together and fully functional the next. Like WTF? Seriously now. It's hard to for people to take my "illness" seriously because of this. So I can understand their reservations about how ill I supposedly am...

I think my mom's coming around though, she knows I have "issues" but last night she brought my supper to my room... ( this was a peace offering & display of care, she usually shouts "I never gave birth to any cripple kids, get your own food")

She overheard my convo with my niece, I was saying very LOUDLY that I'm not the same Ophelia I was, that there are times when I just absolutely CANNOT handle stress, it will make me sick, but at the same time, there are still times when I thrive on it. And it's my responsibility to know when what is appropriate, and make sure I say "I CAN"T" at work, when I really can't... Not sure how my mom felt about overhearing that bit, think she was a tad bit shocked...

Anyway, back to the topic, so pdoc has booked me off work for the next week, but I came back b/c I'm FINE...why should I lay around in bed, when I should be earning an income to sustain my daughter? DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME So was I in such bad shape last week, that he thought I needed 2 weeks off work? and voila, I'm better a week before schedule? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Right now I don't know a lot of things, I'm still trying to sort out the mess in my mind, but really now, do you get what I'm saying?

Do you empathize with the question :
"Am I a fake or a flake"?

No, I think the way you describe your recent feelings and episodes is typical of BP. I think this is possibly why so many of us decide to hide the illness from friends and colleagues. It's just impossible to explain. And people form their own opions on the illness way too quickly.

I can totally relate to the stress thing. Stress never got to me. Now the slightest thing is considered stress - an appointment or meeting out of sync... - and I can totally lose it.
I hate it too. And our loved ones really do get to bear a large portion of the brunt.

No, you don't sound like a fake/flake to me. Bipolar Disorder isn't written in stone. Some people may have psychotic episodes for months, weeks, or even days. (Personally, I usually experience what are called "micropsychotic episodes", which can last as small amount of time as HOURS...but are still very real).

I totally get the whole stress thing too. It's tough to handle sometimes, and it's important to speak up when we really can't handle it.

Please know that your illness is very real. You are not a fake or flake, you are an individual with a mental illness that is tough to go through.

I constantly question my illness. If I am feeling well, I think that I must never have been ill. If I am feeling ill, I wonder if it is just stress or laziness.

Bipolar has made me seem like a very inconsistent person to those on the outside. They say they never know which me they are going to get.

Bipolar is a serious mental illness that does affect out thought processes. I constantly ask myself when I'm in a major depression "am I really sick or just burnt out?" I think your pdoc was right to give you time off of work, but being off work doesn't mean you lay around all day. If anything that's probably the worse thing you can do. Go out and do things that "fill you up". Practice some self care. If you need more structure find a support group you can join, volunteer etc.

Work will always be there. Take care of yourself and give yourself time, you just went through a very serious episode.

As far as your mom you may want to get a book for her called "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" by Julie Fast. It may help her understand. She may also feel like she caused the illness and the negativity that she projected onto you is how she was feeling towards herself.

You guys got me thinking... So I came to the conclusion that my mom's uptight b/c she's making ill-informed judgments (eg. She thought bp1 was the only dx) so before I knew it, I had sat her down for the official bp talk... I told her that if she wanted to go with "ignorance is bliss",then by all means...but she can't go on dismissing my illness and treatment based on missinformation and media sensationalism. I explained the basic BP sphere,but stressed that we all have individual experiences... Even *GASP* invited her to meet my pdoc, if for nothing else,just to feel him out as a humanbeing (she's great at profiling) she thinks pdox just want your money (told her my pdoc is n0t on my medscheme payroll, I found him independantly,AND we've agreed on once a m0nth apptmts b/c that's what I can afford) I offered his expertise (a book's n0t a good idea unless I can get it in large print) I told her I will n0t tolerate ignorant judgement! She must either get educated or become indifferent...*EXHALE*
The best part? I asked her if she remembered 10yrs ago, I came crying to her and my dad that something was wrong with me,that it's not normal for me to be s0 sad for n0 good reason... She said "yes" I then asked if she remembered her response..."you're just being dramatic,you must learn how to handle life" 10 YRS AND I NEVER FORGOT THAT CONVERSATION!! Well the bestest best part is: SHE DIDN'T DENY SAYING THAT TO ME! I feel like a load has been lifted,all thanks to you guys! XOXO

Trippin2.0 tha's great news! I have started reading another book for family members, spouses of persons diagnosed. It was just published this year, so it has more up to date info then Julie's book. When I finish it I will let you know if it's worth getting for your mom.

thanks blue!

Wow - seems like things are coming together slowly!

i hope so my friend, i hope...

I really sympathise with fake/flake thing... I was worried about that coz I'd been normal for a bit and doubted that anything was really wrong, then out of the blue my pdoc commented that I have severe BP and it was good that the meds were finally working!

Don't doubt your dx - I know this can be hard when we are feeling stable. But this only when the meds are working, or luckily our brain chemicals are in synch - and then only temporary.
You have every right to know and believe that what you are going through is serious and very real