[sugahorse1]

How do you handle this?

Bearing in mind, I have a stressful job, and right now resigning is not an option.
Busy starting out on Lamictin and am currently on 75mg.
Battling with physical issues too - headaches and sinuses
I've been a lot more stable since starting the Lamictin, and I haven't had a relapse into depression for a serious while (Only one really bad day, but I had a major trigger)
This morning I just woke up with such anxiety - I really did not want to get out of bed and have to tackle the day.
I guess it could well be likened to what "normal" people experience as "The Blues", but I don't like it one iota!

[Trippin2.0]

I don't know how I handle any of what I go through besides; faking it, baby steps and seeking help...

It sucks that things are piling up on you, and I'm SORRY that I don't have any sound advice, but know that I am here for you, PM or mail me if you need to vent, rant or cry.

Sending hugs, strength and encouragement your way.
Thinking of you of my friend♥

[sugahorse1]

Thanks - busy thinking i need to apply for a new job... arg.
Over this!

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe a new job is not a bad idea, I'm heading in that direction, and it's not as daunting as it seemed a few months ago...

Maybe a fresh start is what you need...

[polyonamous]

Can you tell your boss?

I finally told mine after 3 years of trying to hide all the problems and he has been really supportive ( also means that the onus is on him to support me and make it possible for me to remain in work )

Is there anything work could do to make it easier... less stressful? even if you didnt tell them why? "normal" people get depressed sometimes too, and generally work will try to help rather than pay sick pay!

[sugahorse1]

My line manager may be OK, but he is a guy, and I think they battle to relate. My main manager - well, he is an idiot. He's had 3 people resign in the last month. No in house training - you get hire, put behind your PC and are expected to KNOW IT ALL.
It's up to you to run to other people and ask your colleagues to help you; and they are busy enough anyway.
I work as a planner/merchandiser in a retail company - managing budgets, allocating the correct stock to stores, moving stock, doing mark-downs, listing new items, placing orders, following up with suppliers.
It's a full-time job and absolutely crazy. I need to keep the ship floating while still learning what to do.
My buyer has been really supportive and is trying to take work off my plate. I think I may explain to her what I'm going through and that I cannot handle too much...?

I'll just keep checking in here, as your support keeps me positive.

[Amandas256]

Will the stress lessen after you know all you need to know about the job or is it just a stressful position? If it is a stressful position, I would try to find another job. I don't do well with stress. It usually sends me spiraling into a depression. I hope everything works out! I'm here if you need me!

[owllover99]

It sounds like you need to find a less stressful job if possible. Sorry to sound so bossy. I thought my job was stressful. Not compared to yours. And you are struggling trying to keep stable. I think you're just on Lamictal and just starting out. Plus your personal hassles. Now maybe you could find another job there, too. That's what we do where I work. Oh, Sug, you just go from one thing to another. My heart is with you. I hope you can figure it out. Hugs, Owl.

[blueoctober]

sugahorse; just wanted to send some support your way. My job felt extremely stressful when I first got it and I know I have posted this to you before. I did end up needing to take a leave of absence after being there about a year and a half. My job was triggering my undiagnosed bp, but I also think the bp was causing to feel way more stressed than what the average person would feel in a new job.

I love my job now and certainly only you can decide if you need to quit etc., but I would suggest getting your p-doc to put you on a sick leave before you make suggest a drastic decision. I know you have posted before that you couldn't because your work would pile up, and I will say this my work was given to other Inspectors. Most organizations will be forced to pick up the slack otherwise they wouldn't have the position. As far as telling, I am open about my diagnosis at work. There is good and bad to that. I hated feeling like I should be ashamed of my diagnosis, and the feelings of keeping a secret, BUT in saying that if I go to a different organization, I may not disclose. That's also a big decision for you to make and perhaps speaking to your t-doc may be a good idea.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks everyone.
Just to answer some questions:
Owl - yes, i am just starting out on Lamictin and currently on 75 mg, on my way to 100mg. I postponed a p-doc app as I was just too busy at work, but I think it's imperative I do move it back closer - so I'm going next week Tues. My health needs to come first.
My face has decided it is a breeding ground for zits again - at my age of nearly 25!
My sinuses are killing me and gone right into my cheek bones giving me the sensation of tooth ache.
Busy popping Klonopin to mellow myself out a bit and take the edge off.
Had the car accident 1.5 weeks ago, which is a write off, so I'm sorting out all the paper work any organising a new car.
Most of the time my boyfriend is "sweet" and understanding, but every now and again he can get selfish and ignores me.

I'm beginning to realise I have a huge fear of abandonment and rejection and I have NO clue where that stems from. But it's terrible!

My sleep is getting full of dreams again, of people that were once in my life and meant a hell of a lot to me, but who can no longer be a part of my life, so it upsets me. I wake up with anxiety before coming to work, and am continuously sleepy.

Thought about it, and decided that neither of my managers are appropriate people to discuss my diagnosis with. My buyer is very understanding and in a way I feel I could disclose to her, but as much as she is willing to assist me in my workload, she just cannot, as she doesn't have the training nor access to systems.
Today I am feeling emotional - I guess that's kind of a sign of the depression creaping back in, and almost feel like I could bust into tears. My friend at work that I have confided in has been off sick yesterday and today, and she is someone I can really talk to.
Sorry about the vent, I just don't have anyone to talk to..

[Trippin2.0]

Thinking of you my friend ♥ Rant and vent all you need to! XOXO

[sugahorse1]

I just really feel lonely and empty and like I could burst into tears at any moment. Not sure why the depression has come back. Possibly as today for the first time in who knows how long I've actually had 5 mins to myself to breath, and feel - as opposed to continuous rush I've been throough due to the pace of work around me

[Trippin2.0]

Possibly as today for the first time in who knows how long I've actually had 5 mins to myself to breath, and feel

This could be the very reason for your fragility, just as you were breathing, it might have subconsciously sunk in how hard things have been on you,as there's no real time to think or feel when we rush around all day...

I just really feel lonely and empty and like I could burst into tears at any moment.

I can definitely relate to those feelings, take it easy on yourself, and remember: baby steps...

XOXO

[sugahorse1]

I just want to cry - typical depression? Mixed episode? Burnout? I don't know anymore.
I see pdoc next Tues.
T has been away, comes back some time beginning next week, and I've sent her an e-mail highlighting what I've been through. While I'm only meant to see her NEXT Fri, maybe she'll realise the gravity of my state and organise an earlier app.

[Trippin2.0]

I hope she does fit you in earlier, it's important for us to have the help WHEN we NEED the help...

I think maybe you want to cry because you're overwhelmed? IDK, that would be me I guess, it happens and it SUCKS to no end. Sometimes all it takes is for me to go the the ladies, have a good cry, and a cigarette afterward. That helps to get rid of the overwhelming tension.

Just speaking from my personal experience, not sure if this is what you're going through.

Hope you feel better soon suga

[sugahorse1]

decided to start this day stright away with Klonopin and take no chances. Busy day ahead!

[sanityseeker]

Hi Suga,
I encourage you to do whatever is best for your wellbeing. You said it yourself. You need to make your health your first priority.

As you may recall from sharing with you some of my story I know first hand the devastating consequences of pushing yourself too hard. I am in my 50's now and I really wish I had attended to my symptoms when I was in my 20's. I know if I had I would still have my career. I would not be restricted to working part time from home wondering how I am going to pay the mortgage next month.

If you can take a stress leave, take it. Don't worry about the work. You are not indispensible. More importantly you are not indistructable. If you don't stop when you need to your body will stop you eventually.

You are already experiences physical problems. They will just get worse if you don't get to the root. If you don't take the time to treat your symptoms now it will be forced on you eventually and trust me it will be a whole lot harder to find level again or at least manage your symptoms well enough to function if you wait for that to happen.

I believe the chances of recovery or at least living a functioning life are reduced when we try to push ourselves through times in our life better spent in focused self care.

Your body is telling you what you need to do. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you still. Take the time now to get a handle on this condition. It will be the best spend time you ever invest.

Standing with you Suga no matter what you decide. I count you among my special friends on PC and really care about how you are doing day to day. I wish you only wellness honey.

[sugahorse1]

Thanks Sanity - your post nearly brought tears to my eyes - it's very special xx

[sanityseeker]

YOU are very special Suga. I am so proud of you for taking your symptoms seriously. I know you will make the right choices for your wellness now on behalf of all the hopes and dreams you have for your life. Keep looking at the big picture sweety.