Please Be Honest With Me...

...is this anxiety or bordering on paranoia?

Today I woke up and felt very anxious, and that I had reached an understanding of how the hospital works.

In my mind, I think that some, if not all medications given out are FAKE, and not what the nurses/doctors say they are. Secret studies are conducted to see who "improves" after taking the fake medication. Those who seem to improve are deemed liars and are punished (treated badly, booted from hospital, etc...) Those who don't are treated fine.

Same goes with ECT. People are put to sleep and then woken up, not knowing that treatment never occured. Once again, the punishment/reward system applies to this treatment as well.

Now, I feel this happens to probably about half the patients. I know that my seroquel is real because I recently got it increased, and I got a true side effect of dry mouth. But I'm worried because I might be getting ECT soon. What if they never truly give me the treatment?

I'm also worried about talking to my nurses/doctor about it...because what if they are in on it? These thoughts are in my mind lots today.

Please be honest with me. Is this illogical thinking? I appreciate all opinions.

Hun,

That is paranoia and delusion talking. That does not happen at hospitals, no matter how much you think it is true. It is your illness lying to you. Trust the doctors and nurses and hospital. They are all there to help you. Share this with your doctors. They will be able to help you with it. I promise, this is just your illness lying. All the hugs and support in the world to you.

I was going to say exactly what Lauru said.

Melissa,

I am so sorry those thoughts are bothering you. We have to have doctors that we trust & open up to. It is important that we work together to battle our illnesses. I pray for peace to come your way. Feel better.

Sounds very delusional and paranoid. Let docs know what you are thinking.

I agree with everyone else. It's okay to share the thoughts you are having because then you can get more help to get rid of them.

Thank you everyone for your honest responses.

I went to my nurse, and she said basically the same thing as you guys did. We talked for a while, which helped. Right now I'm at 80% believing her and what you guys have said, and 20% my theory. This is much better than my previous percentage (probably about 80 for my theory, and 20 for your responses).

Seems like I fell victim to a micropsychotic episode. Thank you very much for your honesty.

I'm sorry you are having these thoughts - But I truely believe that the doctors are there to help us.
With regards to the ECt - if you do got that route, can you not get a friend to accompany you and check on you during the treatment? It will put your mind at ease, knowing you did indeed get the treatment.
If you were taking part in a placebo vs. drug test, the doctors would have to notify you (Obviously not if you were taking the drug or the placebo, but that a test was being done).
If you are displaying symptoms that need to be addressed, the doctors are obliged to give you the medication that they feel is most appropriate - and that will NEVER be a placebo.

I'm sorry these thoughts are tormenting you, but kudos to you for speaking to your nurse!