am i bipolar/alcoholic or both?

Hi everyone.
currently mum of a four and half year old girl, and 12 week old baby. when he was 5 weeks after the mania of excitement, depression hit me with not being able to continure feeding myself, was using alcohol, as was so anxious rapid racing. (have a history of alcohol/ drug abuse and drinking has been to a devastating point).
however since being a child have never felt normal, and always been emotionlally unstable.last 3 weeks been in a psych ward as my last drink led me to near suicide attempt, though thoughts concurrent. been commenced on lithium, rispiridone and fluoxetine.
my history indicates bipolar, think the alcohol was self medicating my emotions
i am rapid racing today between depressive thoughts to optimistic thoughts. no energy to energy, not talking to being over talkative, its doing my head in really is, and alcohol aint the option as it will destroy everything.
want it to stop. when i feel good it good, when i feel bad it torture, i wish my mind would just slow down or stop.x

I'd trust your doctors - but always tell them whats happening and if you don't agree with what they are saying get a second opinion... good luck...

Many turn to alcohol to self-medicate and become alcoholics because of it. Meds help instead. Please talk to a doc or therapist about your symptoms and hang in there.

My dear firefly,
OH! How I can related. For this reason, I have chose to share my story with you as you might find some similarities. Most of all, please realize you are not alone.
In the course of my disease, I spent my teens and early twenties self medicating. Not only did my mother mortgage her home to put me through a short term residential rehab, I also spent years in and out of 12 step programs. It was so frustrating watching others achieve abstinence from substance abuse and recover through working the steps. When I did the same thing, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't attain the serenity and hope that I saw others acheive and ultimately relapsed. It wasn't until after a long term bout of severe post-partum depression and two years of continual abstinence from all mood and mind altering substances that I was finally diagnosed with bipolar 1. Suddenly, all of the pieces of the puzzle came together and I saw why I could not recover from 12 step programs alone. I finally understood my history and necessity to relapse. Without the substances I was abusing, I had no hope of recovery as I could not regulate my mood disorder and without long term abstinence, I could not correctly be diagnosed.

It has been a long, arduous seven years since my diagnosis. I have had to endure several years of the doctors adjusting medication that are absolutely necessary but have horrible side effects. I had to relinquish custody of my little girl as I was to sick to care for her and did not want to model dysfunction for her. I had to resign from my career in biomedical research at a university as I was to sick to work. I have been hospitalized on psych units where I was denied my support system and my dignity. I have had to endure the judgement of friends and family members shrinking away from me, due to the stigma of mental illness, almost as if I was contagious. I have survived four extreme suicide attempts. Finally, I gave up on myself and isolated, rarely leaving my home. I abandonded all of my interests; reading, quilting, cooking, going to the beach. I felt like all my accomplishments were negated by my illness and I was little more than a drain on what few societal resources there are.

Yet one day, I crawled out from under the covers, determined to find a solution rather than continue to live in the problem. Being medicinally compliant was not enough. I started to attend NAMI, DBSA and Alanon. I started reaching out to others, even when I was shaking in fear of doing so. I went through many counselors and self help books before I found cognitive behavioral therapy and how to use the principles of rational emotive behavioral therapy. Finally, I found work as a recovery coach assisting others who were suffering from a dual diagnosis illness.

I am not professionally licensed to tell you what it is that you are suffering with but as the saying goes; if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck... it usually is a duck. I have since learned that 6 months abstinence from mood/mind altering substances (not prescribed and taken as directed, including alcohol) prevents those who are qualified from making an accurate psychiatric diagnosis. Finally, just because you have one condition, does not mean that you don't have the other. There is a high percentage of people with mood disorders who also deal with addiction, hence the term dual diagnosis.
In addition to your psych history and substance abuse history, the timing of having your last child also alerts me that you may be suffering from bipolar. There are two distinct periods of oneset, one in the late teens, the other is after having a baby. The important thing to know at this point is that if recovery is possible, you must treat yourself for both conditions.
I certainly hope that I was able to add some clarification although it seems rather apparent that you know exactly what is happening with you. If you have any questions or want to vent privately, you are welcome to message me directly. Of course, continue to post and tell on your disease. When we share our problems with other people, it is like slicing a pie into several pieces and serving it to others as well, you wont have nearly as much to consume.
Best Wishes and God bless,
ptk

Welcome perniciousfirefly! Have you've been diagnosed with bipolar? I would guess yes by the lithium prescription. Are you being treated for post partum depression at all? I would suggest starting to track your mood to see if there is a pattern I have found a great one online at http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker It has a journal application on it, so you can note if there were any outside triggers i.e. stress, what you ate/drank. Many mental illnesses share symptoms, but there can be a link between drug/alcohol abuse and trying to suppress those symptoms.