[halloweenwitch]

Hi Everyone,
Over the last 18 months I've gone from hypomania to severe depression, back to hypomania and have now 'normalised' AND I'm so bored. Does anyone else get like this, coz it just doesn't make sense to me.

[PT52]

It's a really good time to find healthy activities that you like to do. I didn't know "normal" until a few months ago and I'm 52. For a while, I wandered around doing nothing, wondering what I should do and coming up blank. Then I started to look at all the projects that I started (and usually didn't finish) when I was hypomanic and decided that I would take them one at a time and finish them. It's not the woo-hoo high you get in hypomanic phase, but it is a kind of satisfaction that stays with you. Hope that helps.

[blueoctober]

halloweenwitch; I don't know how long you were undiagnosed and symptomatic, but I went 10 plus years running on the high of hypomania and then explaining the depressions away as being burn out. After being diagnosed I felt like I no longer knew who I was. I always identified with the hypomanic me: highly driven, endless energy etc. etc.

It's only been in the last year (I was diagnosed in 2007) that I have welcomed the stability and finally understood how damaging the hypomania can become. Certainly I no longer have the highs that I had before, but I also haven't experienced the debilitating lows that I experienced prior to being diagnosed. I do still experience symptoms of the bipolar, but it's not as severe as before.

[halloweenwitch]

Hi Blue October,
I was only diagnosed at the beginning of the year, I can't remember exactly when as it came while i was in my depressed stated.
I know exactly what you mean about the hypomania, that feels like the real me. The one that is brilliant and driven and can (and often does) do whatever i want to. And she is the one that people like! I know this coz people tell me.
But I've been up and down so much and the 'normal' phase is so rare I just don't know what to do with myself. I haven't got the super sharp thinking to inspire me but by the same count I do still care. So I feel aimless.

[blueoctober]

halloweenwitch; I think it's natural for you to feel that way. I felt completely lost the first year after my diagnosis. The boredom may also be a mild depression. I know I used to constantly say to my P-doc that I felt "flat". I did end up needing a med tweak and I wish I had requested that earlier, so perhaps speak to your p-doc about it. I was hospitalized for major depression (attempted) when I was diagnosed, and my p-doc placed me on leave from work for 8 months. I felt like a failure. My career was very important to me and I thought I would never be able to go back. During that time, what really made a difference to me is I took part in an intensive group therapy program 8 hours/day for 3 months. It was lead by psychiatrists and therapists. It truly saved my life. If that isn't offered in your area, perhaps seeing a therapist may help.

A person that really cared about you wouldn't wish for the hypomania to come back because we all know what goes up must come down. Don't let bipolar define you. You have bipolar you are not bipolar. You will find out who you are and the sharp thinking does return. I am the same person I was before. I'm still funny, I'm sharp, witty etc., what is missing is the drastic mood swings.

I hope you start feeling at peace with your diagnosis soon. I will never say I'm glad I have bipolar, but I have learned how to manage it and 3 years later I do feel like I'm more at peace with it.

[madisgram]

yeah, i reached that point and pdoc asked, how're you doing? i said, i'm bored. he said, welcome to the world. lol. since that time i found i filled up all those boring minutes with interesting stuff. i hope you will find that for yourself too. the amusing thing about becoming stabalized and saying that-i had an extremely demanding, stressful job that most ppl would've run from yet my comment was, i'm bored. so funny.

"Normal" does take some getting used to. I wasn't for a good 25 years, so it was quite an adjustment. I've not been in severe depression since on the right meds and that itself was a major accomplishment after 3 years of hell. Give yourself time.