[FeelingHopeful]

I was wondering if you know someone suffers from bp disorder but they have not told you is it ok to say you know? The person has told me they wish they could tell me , they know i wont judge them , they just cant bring themselves to tell me but wish they could! so i was wondering from the standpoint of bp sufferers do you find it easier if someone guesses so you dont have to say or do you get mad and find it intruding? Any advice i would love i really want to do the right thing for the guy i love

[Hope_Walker]

It really depends on the person but from I had a good experience with a friend I knew was BP when I saw an opportunity to broach the subject.

He was having a rant in a manic manner that I recognised as such, so I chose to take a risk and talk in a manner that built up to the fact that I was BP. He initially seemed shocked and then I think he saw on my face that I knew he was BP too and it was fine.

He wouldn't stop talking about things for a few hours then.

That being said, it was clear to me he knew he was BP and was bursting to say it out loud even though he felt ashamed. It may/will differ for other people.

[mgran]

It came as a surprise to me when my brother said he already knew I was either bipolar or schizophrenic (actually, quite an astute observation, since I'm schizoaffective.) It took me aback, a little, then I thought... well, he's known this all along, and still loved me... him I know I can trust.

[DamianV]

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

I was wondering if you know someone suffers from bp disorder but they have not told you is it ok to say you know? The person has told me they wish they could tell me , they know i wont judge them , they just cant bring themselves to tell me but wish they could! so i was wondering from the standpoint of bp sufferers do you find it easier if someone guesses so you dont have to say or do you get mad and find it intruding? Any advice i would love i really want to do the right thing for the guy i love

Hmmm... in my experience: if you make a big deal out of it it turns into a big deal and if you don't make a big deal out of it it's not gonna turn into a big one.

[FeelingHopeful]

I should mention that he told me its more than depression so he knows i know its more , just he cant talk about it too scared and i dont know if he knows i do alot of research and think i know i want to support him not push him away

[dragonfly2]

That's helpful that he has already disclosed that much to you. This is how I would handle this, IMO. You could casually bring it up and say something like, "I've been doing some reading...Do you think it might be bipolar disorder?" - giving him the opening. Then if he says yes, you can say you thought it might be but wasn't sure, etc, etc. If he's still hesitant, let him know that if it is bipolar, it's something you two can handle and that you're not going anywhere. The key is to ask the leading questions and allow him to agree. Even if you are sure, approach it with a sense of uncertainty, but concern. Again, IMO. Others may prefer a more direct approach.

[ladyjrnlist]

I would find it insulting if someone asked me if I was bipolar. It's rude. Do you ask people if they have diabetes? Now if he's hinting that he wants to tell you something, maybe just ask directly what's on his mind?

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanks everyone, I normally would not come right out and ask, because i understand ladyjnlst point, i am kinda shy with questions on thingsand would neverwant someone to take offense,,, i havent talked to him about this yet, and i dont know what to do, i see him struggling and i dont want him to feel he sall alone with this secret but i respect his right not to tell, its hard to watch him struggle, i know its hard for him to get the words out, he has said he wishes he could tell me, so a pt of me thought if i could show him i kinda know and support him, maybe he would feel some relief to know i dont look at him differently, hes still the same guy to me i love and have been friends with for a long time, On the other hand im not sure ifhe would think me reading up on stuff is sorta going behind his back? Hes having a rough time now and I dont want to put pressure on him, thats why im waiting to say or do anything, I guess what I was asking is have you ever had someone come out and ask you or suggest it in some sort of way and howdid you respond to it?

[Manic5]

Nobody I've been in a relationship with has ever suggested it to me. Instead, I've made - what was in my experience and opinion - the mistake of letting them know that I had bipolar disorder. Maybe it was that I let them know too soon (a few months in), but every time I found myself getting kind of "beaten over the head" with this fact when it seemed to suit the person I was in a relationship with. It typically came up during arguments or disagreements (where it had no bearing) as a way to disqualify an opinion or behavior the other party disagreed with or didn't like. Many times it took the form of a heat of the moment type cheap shot.

How would I feel if someone figured it out and brought the subject up before I did? Probably relieved, as it takes away two problems surrounding the subject for me in a relationship: the uncertainty of how to bring it up and how the person will then react to it, and the discomfiting feeling of keeping part of myself somehow "hidden" from them until I do.

[FeelingHopeful]

Manic 5 thank you!!! Your words really help, I think a close friend was in the same situation and I thought maybe that was what was going on , but i didnt want to assume or accuse, Um, the only prob is, I dont see him as much as i used to Which i really hope i can change soon and make plans with him, so i dont know how to bring it up, We arejust getting back to our relationship and i dont want to mess it up, upset him, but i hae to let him know i beliee in him and support him, how can you make someone see/believe that you love them andarent gonna lleave??

[FeelingHopeful]

I Bought a Book Called Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder , and I read a chapter every day, If I do Ask my friend whats wrong and It does come out he suffers from Bipolar Disorder, Should I tell him I bought this Book, Or ShouldI wait awhile, before I let him Know I have this Book?

[hanners]

I guess here's how I look at it, speaking as a transgender woman.

I'm pretty open about being trans. I'm comfortable with my identity, but if somebody came up to me and told me they knew I was trans, it would feel pretty insulting to me, because it means they can probably tell I used to be male. I would prefer to leave it up to my discretion whether to disclose my status or not.

With others, there is a wide range of feelings on this, so to play it safe, I wait for others to come out to me. If you want to encourage your friend to tell you about being bipolar, you could talk about your own experience with it. That might help your friend to feel safer about talking with you.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you Hanners! Only thing is dont know A ton about Bipolar Disorder, I am learning now, I suspect someone in my family could have, but im not sure , its just a gut feeling, and also with my friend, its also a gut feeling by stuff i see and the fact he has said its more than depression, Since I dont have a world of experience with BD, i dont know if me talking about it will help much, maybe he will think i dont understand? I really want to help, Im just unsure how,,(

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

...Since I dont have a world of experience with BD, i dont know if me talking about it will help much, maybe he will think i dont understand? I really want to help, Im just unsure how.

Whatever way you handle the situation this part seems simpler to me. Learning more is good. For sure. Despite this, there is a really good chance that he will think that you don't understand. Not in the knowledge part, but in the sort of understanding that only having it can confer. This is something that is unavoidable. Understanding is one thing, living it is another. But that is ok. People with BP (and those with other things of course) know this is the case. It's the caring and acceptance that matters. The very most. And that, you do.

[Forgive77]

Lots of good things said here. You would just have to know if he's the type of person that would rather you say it, or if he's the type of person that had a tendency to blow up when confronted with it.

I'm not embarrassed about it at all. I would love for friends and family to be more interested in my illness. Being that it sounds like he knows what it is, like that he's gone to the doctor and has been diagnosed...it might not be so bad, and he might actually cling to you.

The book you read is an awesome book. You're an awesome person for doing what most people don't.

I don't remember who said it, but....the person that told you to ask him leading questions etc., the next time he says something you might want to let him know you're a safe place to land, and someone he can count on, and tell him that from the hinting around he's been doing...that you guessed, because it's a common disease. So the paranoia doesn't set in...you might not want to mention the book until after you've had the real discussion about it. But because you read it, you'll be ready for the conversation and what to do next.

[mokie]

I guess it all depends on the situation of the person with BP. For me even though I did not understand exactly what it was but I was dealing with BPI, so I was always high above the clouds and chatted way to much gave way to much info, I can know see I was telling everyone my business of having BP. Now that I am not in the clouds and coming back to the middle of where I can land but yet drift up or down it all depends I want sorting people to know cause then I won't feel so award if they understand why I may act the way I do. Then if I don't know them I get paranoid that they don't have the knowledge of the deepths of the BP that one goes through, they may have the stigma thoughts in placed. So for me you just have to catch me if you can at the right moment. I think just letting your friend know you are a true friend and you will be there for any reason or problem they may have helps too.

[FeelingHopeful]

Aww Thanks Guys!! You Guys are the Best!! I have been struggling with how to do this the right way andyou have all given me such great advice, thatswhy i love pcso much!! Such Caring people! If he doestell me, Should i act like i didnt know, i dont wanna lie, plusim thetype ofperson, i cant lie , my emotions give me away lol

[Merlin]

I would talk with him about what is going on in his life, how his mood was etc, but I wouldn't bring up a specific diagnosis.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you Merlin! I appreciate all thereplies, you guys are helping me so much I dont think he has gone to a doctor, he just knows something is wrong, as he says that, he has trouble trusting, so getting him to see a therapist is a challenge and im afraidof pushing, i think he doesnt want people trying to fix him, i know i can't , i think he just wants someone to support him and to believe in him which i do! i bought the dsm book, I thought maybe i could show him that, i told him awhile ago, i bought a book to help, justdidnt say itwas the Dsm book for fear of scaring him, maybe now since hes kinda admitted its more than depression, i could bring up that book, so im no tspecifying exactly bipolar, but maybe help him get a idea whats going on ? Since only a doctor can diagnose, maybe this would set him up to feel more comfortable going? Has anyone read The Dsm? Is it good? I just started reading it

[Forgive77]

Originally Posted by FeelingHopeful

Has anyone read The Dsm? Is it good? I just started reading it

What is that? Is it the medical book, on disorders or something?

[mokie]

I think that is what she is saying its the DSM-IV book. If that is what she is referring too. Although that one maybe harder to understand. My T thought I could not understand but I have past experince within the medical field. So I could some how understand most of it when it came to looking up my diagnose.

[BlackPup]

That's a full on book and really only related to diagnosis and classification. I think the first step would be getting your friend to seek help and get diagnosed. then you can work through it together in one of the many bipolar workbooks available. Unfortunately u can only go at your friends pace....

[Eloise42]

It kind of sounds like your friend is trying to get YOU to guess what it is. A lot of the time if there is someone I want to tell I'm bipolar I wait until they bring the subject up for whatever reason.

I have a friend I am pretty sure is bipolar and her boyfriend and I have been waiting for her to realize it for years. If we brought it up her reaction would be BAD and it would send her so far into denial it wouldn't help her. I've been dying to talk to her about it but I don't.

However, if someone says "I'm really hurting, I don't know what's wrong with me, what do you think?" I think it's okay for you to tell them what you think and why, I think the difference is whether or not they are asking for help.

[widgets]

I know i sound selfish and self-obssessed (and i am) but if someone asked me if i had bipolar i'd be really happy that they noticed me enough to see it!!
one of my friends once just pointed out to me when we had an argument that every knows 'i'm mental,' they just dont talk about it to my face, which in a weird way made me happy!

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanks everyone! Sometimes i think me guessing is good and he would feel relieved, he shows signs of that and other times, I think he wants to block it out or not acknowledge it, Im really confused on how to talk to him about this, hes not great at talking and discussing feelings, thats common with Bp right?