[WendyAussie]

I've had a really wonderful thing happen - I got two life insurance payouts because I can't work in my field again because of my mental illnesses, including Bipolar. It's not a million bucks, but it's enough to buy a small property in another town which I have done and I am in the period between paying the deposit and what we call in Australia Settlement Day.

However, I live alone and am on the Disability Support Pension and have no-one to help me with anything - paper work, arrangements, packing, clearing stuff out - and this purchase and move is proving to be incredibly complex. I am a very organised person so what I always do, including now, is "make hay while the sun shines" and when in relative periods of wellness I do as much of the work as I can do. When I'm unwell I back off and rest, meditate, watch TV, giggle on the Internet etc.

But buying and moving house are right at the top of the psychologists' life stress indiactors. And boy, am I feeling the strain. In the last few weeks since I looked at and then paid the depost on the property, I have gotten so tired - just trying to keep a whole lot of things related to the purchase and the move moving along that I've ended up repeatedly wigging out in Hypomania with Panic and Anxiety and then lows of depression, even though this should be one of the happiest times in my life.

I take Lamictal and in the last couple of days I've gotten a rash on my arm and I'm terrified it's Stephen Johnson's Syndrome. I don't think it is, I think an insect did a lot of tiny bites on my arm while I was asleep as I keep the back window down for the cat to get in and out and insects fly in sometimes - but any type of rash terrifies me as I always think it's SJS (for those who don't know what that isit's a rash that comes to some people who use Lamictal and it's horrific and can be fatal.). I'll let my mental health team know. But I just didn't need that to worry about right now.

I'm still resting when I can, holding off tasks to rest if I can get away with it, but it's just simply overwhelming. Any thought?

[blueoctober]

WendyAussie; that is a lot on your plate and I hope the rash isn't SJS. Can you hire a professional to help you?

SJS is very rare. It is highly unlikely that is the problem as it advances very quickly and very severely. I remember I had a rash on lamictal at one point. It was nothing. Probably a heat rash. Just let your doctor take a look at it. Try not to worry too much about it.

[WendyAussie]

blueoctober, I'm getting my carpets steam cleaned. I wanted to pay a professioanl cleaner to do the hoiuse I am in but she was awy too expeosive for me. It a ratty old house so is very hard to clean, but I will clean it - on those days when I am well. I also alsl always get the lawns mowed and will get that done before I go.

As to the new place I have a Converyancer, which is like a lawyer who manages all the sale transactions and other details around the sale. I also paid a Buildung inspector to go over the property and make a report. I have engaged a plumber to quote on doig some major work that will need to be done after Settement Day but before I move in - otherwise I won't have hot water, and I will also have guttering that floods th garage when it rains. But the plumber is bloody hopeless - classic plumber - he won't get his act together to quote on that so I can plan for the job to be done the day after Settlement - he lied to me last week when he said he was going to do the quotes then because he had lost the housekeys at the time. It may end up I have to let him go and start again with a new plumber but so much time has been lost. And i have had quotes to have the dirty carpet taken up and the floos done as well as a quote for painting the place out. But I can't commit to those things or book dates for them until the plumber does his quotes - Catch22!

Thanks farmgirl. My psychiatrist has banged into me that SJS is so dangerous so I am pretty uptight when I get a rash. But the bad thig is that I start going down the line of suicidal thinking because I like everyone else I have been a guineau pig and taken years to get the right meds. Because of was in a long, serious and dangerous Bipolar Depression last year, my doctor added Lamictal and for me, and for many others I read on the Net, iy has been a miracle, it has mean that I have a much more viable life - even if i have to stay on the pension etc. So as soon as I see a rash I think he's going to have to take me off Lamictal, my mental state will deteriorate and i will want to die. I have told my psych and my therapist many times that I am not prepared to live like that in the long term. Yes, I know this is catatrophising, but having had mental illness from a young age and all the deep human suffering that entails mean I am simply OVER being that sick. But yes, now I must pray that whatever happens there will be ways to address things.

WendyAussie! I've been bouncing a lot lately too, and over MUCH less than you have on your plate right now! Wish I could go there and help you move and clean (I used to have a cleaning business and cleaning is actually one of my avoidance activities -- a handy one to have for sure )
"Make hay while the sun shines" --Like you, it's a motto for me too. It's a great saying (especially for us BPs!). Wishing you smooth sailing soon!

[WendyAussie]

Thanks Innerzone. It is 12.00noon on Wednesday here now. I am getting worse - couldn't sleep properly last night and the exhaustion overall is really hitting a peak now - and I have so much to do and so many weeks of hard tasks on front of me that have to be done in a time-critical manner. This is my "Cryptonite". If I am under sustained pressure of any kind, I implode. And it's definitely happeneing, even though, to the best of my ability I have held off from tasks when I have been vulnerable. The only variable I can change is to have my highest dose of Valium PRN on more nights than the lower dose. But my psychologist has just started bugging me now, of all times, to back off on my Valium. I just had a moment of clarity as I typed that because I have spent 2 years disagreeing with my psychiatrist who has wanted my to take the lowest dose every single night, no matter whatever was happening so the blood levels are consitent and I have fewer of the big panic episodes or consistent anxiety - I didn't want to because I felt it would leave me more prone to addiction. But I have just relented after two years, actually because of my chronic back and neck problems. And now that I need to take the upper level of the PRN because I am in crisis mode, the psychologist has started hassling me about it. It's very confusing because I am 100% compliant (overly so with the 2 years scenario) andn isn't a time like now the right time to use the upper end of the PRN on more daya than not? I always get back to the lower end ASAP and I had a 10 day block at that lower end until last week. I have left a message for my psychologist to call me and I'm going to say to her everything I just typed (nicely!!?? lol). So that may be factor that can help.

Exactly. They should see how perfectly reasonable it is to delay changes until after this particular set of circumstances settles out.
Good luck with that.... it's only a delay after all! You're agreeable to work with their suggestions, so I can't really see why they'd have any objections.