[Amazonmom]

I went off my Lithium and didn't tell my NP. I was really really sick a few weeks ago and could not take Lithium due to vomiting. I never started it again. My head is so much clearer, I can actually remember to pay bills, do laundry, etc. My thyroid gland is back to normal size and I can swallow correctly without choking. I have more energy to play with my daughter. I don't get GI problems anymore. My extreme tremor is mostly gone. But I am back to fidgeting all the time, being really anxious/high strung, and I feel the depression oozing out all over. I am having a horrible time sleeping. I also am kind of labile in mood when things go wrong.

I had thought I was improving because of therapy and learning new ways to think and behave but now I know I am just a freak who needs to be drugged every day of her life.

I don't know why my NP wastes her time on doing therapy with me if all I need is to take drugs that make me so slow that I can't do anything but work and eat. What is so frustrating is that Lithium did ok at first but even at the exact same blood level my side effects are ruining my life 18 months later.

I am regretting ever getting treatment in the first place.

[BlackPup]

If I had a $ for every time I didn't take my meds I'd be a millionaire!!! -well almost!
It's part of the illness to not want to take meds and to not think they are working or you don't need them etc...but even if you don't take your meds (or maybe esp) you still need and deserve therapy. It is a really big part of being able to live well with BP... My pdoc always says that when you stop taking meds there is usually a reason - side effects, they are not working well enough and you need an adjustment etc... Sometimes I haven't even realised that things aren't going well until I can't make myself take my meds. - Maybe you can convince your doctor to try something else.
Taking meds every day does not make u a freak - would you say that to my friend with diabetes, my mother in law who had her thyroid irradiated, my friend with asthma who needs drugs to help her breath or my mum who has severe immune-mediated joint and muscle disease and can't walk without immunosuppressants? (OK my mum's a freak but the rest????)
Hope you can find a solution. You deserve meds that don't make you feel like a freak or zombie.

[NuckingFutz]

I am sorry you are going through this right now. I think a lot of people go off their meds. I tried it years ago and have learned...just like you. I had to start all over on a new med cocktail to get better again. Hope you feel better soon.

[Amazonmom]

maybe next time I should report intolerable side effects right away and then ask for a med change instead of being all passive aggressive about it and going off my meds.

What an idea! Speaking up and asking for needs to be met!

LOL

[NuckingFutz]

We live and we learn! Hugs to you!

[lonegael]

Amazonmom, it's not always all so clear what it is that is causing the changes. Sometimes it's a combination of stugff, but all the pieces need to be in place for life to work. Don't beat your slef up for going off the meds. chalk it up as a learning experience and try to remember what you found out. It's an important lesson and no one seems to have gotten hurt. HUGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSS from someone who's been there.

[vjdragonfly]

It's probably time to let your NP know you quit taking your lithium and why. Maybe you can be put on something that works for you. I understand the not wanting to take the meds, but is part of who we are. Just like BlackPup said, it is part of the illness and it is our treatment.

[thinker22]

Hi 'mzon mom. I used to take lithium and it ruined my thyroid too. I'm still recovering from its effects. Since the thyroid is involved in so much of your body and brain chemistry, I would report that to the Pdoc and see if you can't get on some other med that is of the anti-convulsive group. I know you got the rash from Lamictal, so maybe Depakote. Sounds like lithium is just more trouble than it's worth, but you do need something to stabilize you. I'm not currently on a mood stabilizer, but Geodon seems to be doing the trick just fine, even though I'm on an anti-depressant. So there's another option to try: an atypical anti-p. There are so many meds combos out there, I would encourage you to talk to your doc about non-lithium options.

Here for you when you need us

[Amazonmom]

My Purse mentioned Abilify a long time ago. Maybe I should ask her about it because I know others who like that med for Bipolar II.

[thinker22]

Ah yes, the purse (p-nurse)

For me, Abilify was activating. I was already in a manic episode (mixed accord to doc) and it seemed to make me jittery, anxious, heart racing, and did nothing to calm down the episode. But if I were in a depressed state before taking it, chances are it would have pulled me out.

I hope it or something like it will help you.