[midnight_soul]

I AM SO MAD. I told my husband last night I couldn't take it any more. All he did was watch TV and tried to hold me. He said..why dont you go and see your kids and family instead? I just looked at him crying.

That was it,. He wanted to unwind and talk about his crappy day, there is a storm coming blah blah blah, He also tole me he has a job painting house this weekend for extra cash which means I will still be all alone.

I think this is the perfect time for me to just do it. I am afraid to drive myself because it is almost a 57 MILE drive and I know I will be very upset, scared and nervous while driving. Plus they are going 2 ask that famous one question when i admit myself....we all know what that is and when they ask me how I got there I am afraid that telling them I drove myself under the influence of my meds and state of mind will get me in legal trouble.

I am going to explode. I don't have even one friend here to take me, I am locked in hell with no way out. I am scared, lonely and so ANGRY!

I love my husband, I don't want any one to think he is a bad man because he's not. But he is very self centered and he doesn't own up to that. Is my life not important even to my husband just because we can't afford the daily co_pay???? My shrink told me that if I do admit myself there are ppl there that I can talk to about not being able to pay so in my mind there is help out there for the poor.

What do I do? All I do at home is sleep, over medicate, watch tv, drink lots of coffee and cry. Then when my husband comes home I have to listen to ALL ABOUT HIS DAY. I feel like a child, not a wife any more. I am so scared to go in but also afraid of NOT going in.

Why wont he listen? Oh he also told me last night that for the next 3 weeks on his days off he will be helping a friend painting houses for extra cash. Yes I am grateful but that means even MORE time alone for me.

I am going to crack. I can't hold it together any longer. tonight I MUST make him listen to me or it will be to late.

I am so miserable. I wish that were me in the picture u all see with my signature. Jesus holding me and all is well now.

!!!!!!! Oh sweetie! I'm not sure I have any real ideas, but hopefully others will... But know that I am thinking so very much of you!!!
I'm not particularly religious, but of this I am sure. He _is_ holding you. Right here. Right now. Even if you can't feel it.

[lonegael]

Listen to Innerzone. He IS HOLDING YOU. If this is how you feel, see if you can get anyone to take you to the hospital. Anyone, rather than risk yourself. And another thing, dearest midnight soul, it never has to be too late. I am basically here because I am such a procrastinator, I kid you not, the crisis WILL pass. He is with you, but make sure you get the help you need to see this one through.
It sounds like your hubby is very scared. I don't think he can bear to think of things been as bad as they are. Mine wil sometimes do the same thing. DO NOT MISTAKE THAT AS NOT LOVING, but that means you will have to make sure you get cared for yourself. Talk to T or a s"#¤% hotline if you have to, ask the hospital about indigent aid, what ever, GET SAFE FIRST: HUGGGGGGGGS. you are in my prayers.

[Amazonmom]

Jesus is holding you right now. He is always with you. Can the hospital help make arrangements to get there if you don't have transportation? Call them and ask. Call your T or a hotline. Keep holding on. It's so hard, I have been there.

[sugahorse1]

Please let us know how you are doing.
My suggestions: Speak to your T and pdoc - they can possibly make arrangements to get you to the hospital.
What about a taxi, family or asking the hospital to send an ambulance?
I really wouldn't worry about there being any legal implications if you drove yourself, as long as you feel you can cope. Try not over-medicate and only drive if you have let the meds work out of your system for a while e.g. sleeping tabs.

The issue is before you right now. You cannot let financial issues stand between you and something even worse if you don't get to the hospital. The financial issues can be addressed later.

Thinking of you; please check in ASAP with us.

[PT52]

Since everyone has said the important stuff, I'll just add some hugs...

[madisgram]

all good post replies, midnight. you need to go ahead and get the help you need now. as u mentioned, jesus is carrying you right now. he loves you and wants you to get better. i truly know this is the case, justme. so do whatever u have to do to get to the hosp. there will be no legal ramifications. if you drive yourself tho drive carefully. stay safe.

[Anneinside]

When I called a suicide prevention line and said that I was going to do it, they sent the police and they transported me to the hospital. Not the best way to do it but it is possible.

[findingmyself1005]

Just pray and he will be there to guide you

[dayton52]

Please get help. Call a hotline, talk to someone. You are not alone--reach out.