Trigger

Illness is picking at me, trying to get through the armor of medication, telling me to go to sleep, stop the meds, cut the arm...

It looks like a beautiful old leather bound book at first glance. Something interesting, something I am dying to touch, to read to learn and explore. When I get close, the demon rises up way above my head, a nebulous, yet solid creature with nothing but a giant mouth full of teeth. "I'll take you." it says over and over. No matter what I ask it, the answer is "I'll take you." Finally I tell it that I am too tired to fight, go ahead and take me. It doesn't.

My demon would prefer to torment me, to tease me rather than to take me. It wants me to be always afraid, and always curious enough to try to touch it so it can rear up and gnash its teeth at me. "I'll take you. I'll take you. I'll take you."

your illness is talking to mine... i hear u totally - i'm going to sleep

Many, many peaceful soothing vibes coming your way...

So not a good day today.

hugs and thoughts from someone who understands - try go to bed (i know it's easier for me - it's 8:20PM here)

I just cut myself superficially. What is happening to me? My p-doc's office is closed today. I am shaking.

Get out of the house if you can and do something to distract yourself. I know that's probably the last thing you want to do, but staying in the house will just leave you open to more si. If you can't get hold of your pdoc (he doesn't have an after-hours line?), then do what you have to to stay safe. Remember the ER is always an option, not our favorite option, but one we sometimes need to take advantage of. Be kind to yourself. Keep posting.

My husband is going to take me to the ER.

i got a simple paper cut today and felt strange - not angry, not excited, but cool to see it.
3x sleeping tabs with wine is my form of SI - i feel better too. but I'm so tempted to cut. Never bfore have I had these urges, but it almost seems like a physical release of the mental pain.
I'm sorry you're in this boat; please rather go to sleep, lock yourself up without meds, or get your husband to give you a sleeping tab and remember to stay safe - you are an inspiration to me - if nothing else, please keep it together for my sake, else I'm going off the edge...
(((HUGS))))

I'm proud of you!!! xxx

Good Luck, and safe hugs.

Thank God, Thank God. I am so proud of you for taking that very hard step & asking your dh to take you to ER.

Prayers & hugs sent your way. Do let us know when you get home, if you're up to it.

Leet us know how the ER visit went. Thinking of you

Hang in ther BNLsMOM! Good move of Hubby to get you in to the ER, proud of both of you! Don't let the B#¤%& have his way (Not HUBBy, SI). HUGGGGS and let us know how you are when you're ready.

I was admitted to the inpatient unit and took my time healing. I came home today, 9 days later. I am feeling much better much calmer, and ready to work a healthy routine into my life.

I'm so glad you're feeling much better (and calmer is great!) Welcome back, BNLsMOM!

Thank God you are better. Take care.

I too am glad you are better and that you got the help you needed.

So happy you got some help and are feeling better BNLsMOM. How is it going being at home now? HUGGGGGSSSSSSSSS!

It's been an adjustment. My father in law treated me like I didn't exist when we went to my inlaws' house today. I have been questioning if I left too soon, but at the same time, I know I have to adjust to the culture shock.

Can you handle his attitude? My word! Still I am so proud of you and your hubby! Just remember we are here for you, dear. And I am so impressed that you did what you had to do so fast. HUGGGGSSSSSS and HUGE Kudos for syndrome management!

Glad to hear you took the time out to get healed! Hope you are feeling better and that the rest did you the world of good.

Glad to have you back here!! xx