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#1
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I'm having some problems with my mother and I dont know what to do. First of all you have to know some things about her. She has problems, like mental problems, and she wont admit it. I am Bipolar and I believe she is too, althought she denies it. She constantly belittles everything that I do. Shes one of those people that thinks nothing I ever do is good enough and that she is always right, and if I dont agree with everything that she says 100% she starts arguments with me. I am married and I have a 3 almost 4 year old daughter. I am a college student so I'm constantly busy with homework. My mother and my grandmother watch my daughter during the week so that I can get my homework done. My mother HATES my husband. She constantly tells me that he's dumb, and she says bad things about him all of the time. She also never uses his name, when she is talking about him she uses the name dumbf*ck, which she thinks is funny....and I've told her that I dont like it, and if she doesnt have anything good to say about him that she just shouldnt talk about him at all, she says these things in front of my daughter. She doenst listen to anything that I say, she doesnt respect me at all. I smoke but my house is smoke free, If I want a cigarette, I will go outside to smoke. She knows this but still walks in my house with a lit cigarette and then when I tell her to go outside she gets mad at me. She also walks through my house with dirty shoes on which i have told her repeatedly not to but she doenst listen to me. She one got physically and mentally violent when I didnt agree with her. She has called me "crazy" told me that I need to be committed, said that I was a bad parent (in a round about way) said that she doesnt know why my husband stays with me. She has hit me and pushed me, in front of my house. I almost fell backwards on my daughter because she pushed me while outside on the front steps of my house. I dont know what to do about her. She is very good with my daughter and she babysits for me when I have homework to get done. I dont know what to do because I need her to babysit. I try to ignore the things that shes done....its just getting harder all of the time. I'm thinking about just going a few weeks without contact with her at all, for me and my daughter. I'm hoping that she will realize that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, and that I wont put up with it anymore. She has always been like this im just at my wits end with her and I cant take it anymore. Right now, she doesnt see anything wrong with anything that shes done. She even makes jokes about it sometimes.
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#2
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![]() This seems an awfully difficult situation to handle...(especially as it seems your lives are closely linked at the present..) Have you talked about this with anyone else in your family? Husband or grandmother? I think distancing yourself for a while is a good idea, you need to take a breath and then think of a more permanent solution. And it is probably worth talking about this with your doctor as well. If she does need medical help, you're not in the position to do much about her...And since you suspect that indeed she is mentally unwell, I would say try not to hate her..! It might give you some peace to think that it's not herself, which she probably isn't, and deal with her with that in mind, avoiding conflict when you can, and not getting engrossed in the arguments.. I hope things get better soon and sorry I couldn't come up with any better advice! |
![]() Kayla_Marie2005, lonegael
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#3
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My dad is like that. I cut him out of my life for two years. Then he came back around wondering why. So, I told him. Now I just tell him when he's pissing me off. I've even hung up on him a few times. It seems to work. I guess it was about boundaries for me. Maybe you need to set some better boundaries. It's not cool for her to dis your hubs like that or to call you names in front of your child.
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![]() Kayla_Marie2005, lonegael
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#4
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oh kayla
![]() your daughter also is a concern by being around your mom. children learn behaviors good or bad. hopefully you can make some other arrangement so the two of you are in a healthier environment.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
![]() Kayla_Marie2005
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#5
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Kayla. what a heartbreaking situation for you. Your mom is not treating you, your husband, and, no, nor your daughtoer with respect. Pushingyou so that you almost fall on her is not taking her safety into account. speaking of her parents in that fashion in front of her is not showíngher respect either, since that is where she in effect comes from. Sadly, I don't know how receptive you mom will be to hints, either. How much time to you have in college? HUGGGSSSS
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![]() Kayla_Marie2005
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#6
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#7
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#8
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![]() lonegael
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#9
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Your mother sounds like mine. Hard as she makes it, you need to put your foot down and tell your mother that you absolutely under no conditions will accept her ****** behavior for another second. Find another babysitter. She doesn't deserve to spend time w/her grand-daughter when she behaves like she does and sets the example she does. If your daughter repetitively sees you disrespected by you mother and sees that you're not standing up to her, your daughter may think it's OK to disrespect you too.
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![]() Kayla_Marie2005, lonegael
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#10
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My mother used to pull similar stuff so I set up boundaries.. not boundaries for her, ones for me -to protect myself. The first thing I did was only talk to her by phone and anytime she started getting nasty I'd say: "Mom I'm not going to let you talk to me like that" and when she continued I'd hang up and not take her calls for the rest of the day. As far as your daughter goes I'd tell your mother that until she can behave in a manner that respects both you and your husband she cannot be around your daughter because you don't want her to see that kind of bad behavior modeled. I did this with my ex-bf's parents about his daughter and they quit talking smack really quickly when they realized it meant forfeiting their time with their granddaughter. Good luck! I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
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![]() Kayla_Marie2005
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#11
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KM, it's not just a matter of your daughter disrespecting you, but a matter of how she learns to treat other aroung her, including her own children. We learn things we don't even realizewe learn, and she needs to learn that being a woman means standing up for herself and for her family. She learns this from you. She learns setting boundaries from you. She learns what to expect in life from you. I do not want to sound so harsh, dear, because I really can imagin that it is not so easy to change situations like this one, but something has got to give.
If she is the darling on your avatar, then you are a lucky lady, and she has a good mom to see that this is not an OK situation! I hope you can figure something out. HUGGGGS! |
![]() Kayla_Marie2005
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#12
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![]() lonegael
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#13
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I had a similar situation and did exactly what kitty said above. It worked in my case, too.
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![]() Kayla_Marie2005
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#14
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I'm so glad you've decided to take steps to protect your family. hugs!
__________________
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![]() Kayla_Marie2005
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