[kmd1000]

I used to be confident. I was the one that would debate any of my friends about anything. Now it seems I'm stupid. My thoughts run to fast and I stumble over my words. This has made me anti social. The few friends I have live in other states so I only call when I'm manic and can string 2 sentences together.

[blueoctober]

Hi KMD I have gone through phases like that too. I'm assuming you're on medication? I found with my recent med change I stopped having as many mood changes and I'm functioning better at work and my personal life. Have you spoken to your Pdoc and a therapist about it?

[BP2CatLover]

I can totally relate. I've spent years feeling that I was stupid, incompetent, and that there was something really wrong with me (well, there was, but I didn't know what it really was at the time!). I couldn't face people, had no friends. Then, I'd go hypomanic and everything would change: people wanted to be around me, I felt I could do almost anything and do it well, etc. I wondered why I ever felt differently! Then the depression phase would hit again, and I'd think about what an idiot I'd been, thinking I could do anything, or have friends. Sorry for the long reply . . . but this topic deserves notice. Depression destroys your self-esteem. It's not a voluntary thing. It's part of the disease just as much as a fever is part of influenza. I've found that no amount of "self-talk" or even therapy could change that. And I agree with Beth: do you think your meds are working? I hope you'd be open to a med tweak . . .

[BlackPup]

I didn't have much self esteem to start with, but what I had BP took away and shredded. I lost confidence in my ability to do anything, especially work, was worried about everything I did and said... so worried about everything. my diagnosis sent things spinning even more.. but with time, especially as my meds started evening things out and lots of therapy, things are getting better - bit by bit...
Give it time and talk to a T about how you feel and hopefully you will gain more than you lost.

[wing]

My meds evened me out enough to start to rebuild my self-esteem, of which I still have little. If your moods aren't stable, it is going to be hard to work on any internal issues, kmd. The hypomania fuels a fake self-confidence and the depression fuels self-hatred. The middle ground is where we belong so that we can see ourselves as we really are, even it isn't what we want to see. We can begin to work from where we really are, without the distorted image BP gives us.