[Cherrios]

I am AMAZED at how much what I have been feeling fits with many of the threads I have read in the "Bipolar" forum. Constantly thinking...and not stopping....to where I have to have a conversation with myself to calm me down; Never sleeping enough except when I sleep the whole day after sleeping around 5 hours for 2 to 3 days; Knowing I can survive anything that I attempt to do, although I usually get hurt.
Something that I have tried to answer is "Who Am I?" And after going through college and getting a masters degree pursuing one field, I have figured out what I LOVE to do, which is completely different than what I have all of my schooling in. So what I LOVE to do is workout....and I have become a Certified Personal Trainer as a result. I am beaming when I workout and am helping others....nothing could make me happier!
But....I feel that I am pursuing a Personal Trainer job because of other reasons than just LOVING working out. I mean that for the past 14 years I have been trying to improve my physical ability after being hit-by-a-car. My life was turned upside down....I had to learn to walk, talk, and function all over again. But I NEVER accepted what doctors told me which lead me to where I am now. So instead of just re-learning how to walk, I run in races now. And I have never stopped learning after being in a coma for a month.
I do whatever activity comes my way....there is pain, but I can't stop...because if I did I would have to accept me as I am now, which I don't. I always feel that there is room for improvement, and I see myself improving all the time so why would I stop? Although, I also see the effects of what I am doing to myself. And although I have found what I really LOVE to do, I feel unhappy!
So my question is: is my reason (aka. my PASSION to workout and help others) behind being a Personal Trainer worth the pain I feel as a result of working out? Worth the fact that if I keep doing what I am doing, a knee replacement will occur sooner in my life than it should? (I am 25 years old. A knee replacement will last for 10 years and can only occur twice in someone's lifetime, and it should be done when someone is in their 50s...maybe 40s. So basically I am screwed!) And could my determination to continue to workout to improve my physical ability be clouding what I truly could LOVE?....this idea of improving my physical ability has been a part of me for more than half of my life.
Thanks for your help! Cherrios!

[PT52]

I don't know that anyone can answer the question about loving what you do vs. physical pain. It really isn't a bipolar question. Reading your post, it does seem as if you're a bit hypomanic, though. The best thing to do would be to get a psych evaluation. There are a lot of disorders that could cause you to be self-destructive if your focus on your work is an obsession. Then again, you could just be a really passionate person with lots of energy!

The "who am I?" question is one I think people over complicate. At least I do. I've decided that Popeye had the best answer to that question..."I am what I am." Hope that helps.

[blueoctober]

Hi Cherrios; My personal feeling on it is we have 1 body that needs to last. I over trained in my 20's and I'm paying for it now (I'm 35). I also believe anything to excess isn't healthy and could be a symptom of something else that's going on. I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar until I was 31 and prior to being diagnosed/on medication I took most things to the extreme. For me it was a symptom of the disorder. Keeping excessively busy allowed me to stuff my feelings and somewhat quiet my mind.

Only you can decide what is healthy for you and if you're concerned that you may have bipolar I would recommend speaking to a Psychiatrist.

[Ryask]

Cheerios!!!!!

Did you end up looking into a bit about hypo mania/mania??

[sugahorse1]

I'll second Blue.
Please look after yourself physically and mentally. In your case this is a fine line. But the mental anguish you will experience when your body can no longer do for you what you expect from it, is not worth it (In my opinion)
Are there are other sports you can focus on that will take the physical strain off the areas that are causing you pain? And that you can still push yourself to perform better and better?

[Cherrios]

First, thank you PT52, blueoctober, Ryask, and sugahorse for your input. Always appreciate insight into my situation.
PT52 - Hypomanic seems to be a good conclusion, and getting a psych evaluation sounds like the way to go. Totally agree the "Who am I?" can be over complicated by people (meaning me)...I mean the therapist that I see has continued to tell me that this is what happens to people in their 20s, just out of school. Thank you you for your advice.
blueoctober - I agree with you 100%...we have just one body and it should last. I just can't stop! And I mean....working out or performing some activity is ALL I think about. Obsession is the word, but maybe "Obdiction" might be better. LOL! And I totally agree that by me being busy, I show a different side of me...not the true side. I hide my feelings...I mean when I get introduced to people it is normally in the form of me overcoming my accident, so I feel displaying a certain side (an unstoppable attitude) is what people should see. If it makes them conquer something easier, then AWESOME! I know I am the one to decide what is healthy for me, it is just a little bit flawed. I feel if I feel pain now to get me to a certain point than it was worth it. And I have spoken to a Psychiatrist, just about something else, which made me feel like I embarrassed myself so speaking to her again will be a challenge. Thank you for your advice!
Ryask - I did look up hypomania/mania and started to write down situations that I have experienced which match up with hypomania. Thank you for your advice!
Sugahorse - Totally agree - the idea of not being able to do something when I get older scares me to death, and when I run I think about not pushing myself as hard. But I think of alternative ways to help me recover so that I can push myself harder the next day...STUPID! I have been told to swim or bike...and I do to an extent. I just have a social element with running which I don't have with swimming or biking. It is difficult to switch. Thank you for your advice!
Cherrios!

[blueoctober]

Originally Posted by Cherrios

Obsession is the word, but maybe "Obdiction" might be better. LOL!

For me that's part of the hypomania. I tend to have OCD tendencies during that phase. While your waiting for an appointment with a Psychiatrist I would suggest tracking your mood and then show it to the Pdoc. I found a great one online at http://www.medhelp.org/land/mood-tracker

[sugahorse1]

They say swimming is a great idea if you have join issues. I understand the euphoria that can be achieved through running - that "runner's high"