[widgets]

I'm completely manic right now. i feel so impulsive.. like ridiculously so. i've pushed my bank account to its max, so there's not much i can do, but i feel like i will EXPLODE if i dont do anything!
i feel irritated and ANGRY!! because my stepdad keeps trying to talk to me and i dont want him to!!! thats completely unnecassary!
why am i cycling so quickly nowadays? the periods used to be months, or at least weeks of one particular feeling now they are days! i was suicidal on Monday.
By Thursday i'm laughing my head off, sat on my own, getting a train halfway accross the country to have sex with my ex-manager.... I changed my clothes on the TRAIN AND IT THRILLED ME!
I even enjoyed work, AND GOD did i get a ALOT done! My manager has already referred to the old Jekyll and Hyde line i've only worked there 3 months!!
I decided last night me and my gay best friend are gonna have a baby together. now i've changed my mind again!
i've changed my room around 4 times this week. OCD organisation going on up there i tell ya!!
I have been down and then up since i last saw my careworker, i've self harmed, seriously contemplated suicide and had an auditory hallucination since i last saw her, in what i thought was going to be a severe low phase, but it wasnt! All that seems a million miles away right now, i cant even think to tell her about that... i just want to enjoy this, but i know its not good, cause i'm walking on a tight rope, VERY high up

[Skully]

Better give the pdoc a call...or your T if you have one. The crash is coming and it won't be good. The higher the high, the worse the crash is. I hope things calm down for you soon.

[bpd2]

Hey, widgets--do get into that pdoc, and get this stuff written down in a note to take with. Try to do dates if you can. (It helps a doc determine the dosage, if nothing else--like even a different med).

[Miss Laura]

Ye think its best you call your caseworker and see what she says... your not sounding good at all!! You know what happens after the high.. the regrets etc. Hope your safe at the moment. No more cross country racing

[BNLsMOM]

Find your recent posts that show clear mood swings, paste them into a Word document and print them out for your p-doc. I do that sometimes whan i don't think I will be able to communicate properly.

You do sound rather high, but I also see a lot of insight in your knowing that it is a problem. Try to get in touch with your p-doc ASAP.

ETA: I think I am also cycling rapidly. I seem to do OK on the weekends and into Monday but by Thursday and Friday, I am in a real funk. I tend to get mixed instead of purely depressed or purely manic. You aren't alone there.

[widgets]

I hate not knowing who i will be when i wake up in the morning. it makes me so on edge!

[Miss Laura]

With you on that one!!! Sucks big time huh!!!

Call your caseworker though... thats your best option

[imnotreallyme]

Good luck. I hope you get things straightened out soon. I have always been a rapid cycler and its the most horrible thing a person can go through.

[sugahorse1]

BNL - I am going through a very similar cycle to you!

Widgets - please speak to your pdoc. Sounds like something is not right (Too much anti-depressant and not enough Mood Stabiliser!??)

I applaud you for noticing that as exciting as the manic phase may be, it is always followed by a crash. We are here to offer support, but please look for help too