Suffering from severe depression, anxiety, and a broken soul

So a week ago my wife whom I have been separated from since September, is sleeping around. I have been working to get back in the system and get a therapist while working with my doctor on the meds. we had talked about a temporary separation but this is too much. I love her with all my soul and can't help it, so I crashed, I haven't slept for more than 15 minuets at a time and usually wake up screaming from the nightmares. The rest of the time I am gripped with total anxiety which makes it hard to even breathe, I mean every breath requires physical effort. Have not been able to eat either, I think I lost 15 pounds this week. I am afraid of going totally manic. I am in hell right now. I have lost my voice because I sit in my car and scream as loud and hard as I can. I don't have a job and cant find one, let alone keep one at this point. This provides me with plenty of time to despair until I see a therapist. Sanity is something I seem to be real short on. I seem to be under more stress than I can handle. My 5 year old daughter asks me everyday when I am coming home, and I tell her I don't know and try not to cry. I just tell her daddy is sick right now. I pick her up from school and take her to my former home where all my animals and most of my possessions are, and watch her for 4-5 hours until she gets home from work. She wont talk to me and I try to talk to her. Its killing me. No one should ever have to feel the way I do. I would not, could not wish this on my own worst enemy (besides myself of course). I am beginning to wonder if I have died and this is hell. Cant stop shaking, or crying, I am not suicidal (Thank you God), but I am a total wreck. I have to watch my daughter this week end and my wife said she was going out of town so I am totally screwed up about that as well. I so need to relieve stress right now and nothing is working. I see my doctor in 11 hours. Maybe a medicated vacation is in order so I can sit in the corner and drool. It's funny too that when the sun goes down the anxiety quadruples. I am so sick of feeling weak and helpless, I am a damn Biker for love of pete. I just hurt so much and want it to heal!

How are you doing today? Was your doctor able to help?

OK, 2nd to last sentence is buggin' me. I have never been a Biker so this is a total generalization but... Behind the the leather and steel Bikers are some of the biggest softies I know, with great big hearts hidden behind all that leather. And true Bikers (excluding Gangs who have bikes) there is a very strong code of conduct and loyalty. All of that can make this even more difficult.
I am sorry that you are in such pain and are finding it difficult to find relief. I hope that your doctor was/is able to help. We are here to listen if you need us.

I wish you weren't hurting so very badly, Sepheroth75... this is a lot going on all at once, so try not to be too hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know...). I'm glad you are seeing your therapist very soon. Please keep us posted, ok? We're here to listen and be a shoulder. Meanwhile

Iam sorry you are going through this and I hope you are not going too be suffering and in so much pain huggs

Sepheroth75 most people in your situation, bipolar or not would feel very similar to you. Unfortunately the bipolar can amp it up by 100. I hope you're feeling better soon and your able to enjoy your time with your children during the holidays.

I am so very sorry you are going through this. How are you doing today? How did it go with the Dr?