f this crap

I hate my life. went to pdoc yesterday about going off the meds with T's blessing and game plan to keep my mood monitored and the stupid mf said she didnt think that was a good idea. f her she just doesnt want to lose a client cuz i bet i dont even need the stupid meds. my t is convinced i dont. i work for a nit picking mf who was really winning out in the deal...so f him i can play that fn game too. the only thing that bring any good to my life is being with my grandma and that can be stressfull given the circumstances. oh and it fn snowed more than i would ever like to see again but i gotta stay here for my grandma. im so sick of life...havent made any stupid plans but havent ruled it out.

Although I think most people with bipolar are better off taking meds, you don't have to have your psychiatrist's permission to quit them. Go with what you think you need. You can always go back to meds if you find you do need them.

Just went off one of my meds a few weeks ago - regret it and am now back on it hoping that it will start working soon... I thought I was fine...

i know i can go off of them without her "consent" but my t cant continue to see me unless i continue to see pdoc...and i refuse to do so. i've been sooooo irritated since yesterdays appt and the irritation is making it hard to function. pdoc didnt tell me to schedule another appt so i didnt do it and dont plan on it. I am going to cancel appt with t too. f this i dont need people telling me what to do.

I'm gonna go ahead and mirror what black said... i also recently went off meds and on day 5 or whatever of restarting them..because my world crumbled..... before i went off i thought i was fine and didnt need them....i also thought that i probably wasn't even bi-polar...just saying wellness is great....but thinking your "all better" is a trap....it's a lie that this disease plays on you.

If her therapist also agreed with it... is the t playing the lies along the illness?

Melissa... I know the situation sucks, but don't make any rush decisions before you do some research. It IS possible to manage bipolar without meds,but if you still need to work with someone on monitoring your moods,learning your coping skills... so on. The change of better does not happen over night... can you find another pdoc which would be more reasonable?

also... quitting cold turkey is a bad idea... withdrawal is really hard for some.

Cold turkey is NOT a good idea. I did it with my SSRI and nearly landed in hospital. Why do you want to go off your meds?
Do you feel you are 'better' / stable?
Are the side effects too much?
Are the costs too much?

Not going to a pdoc means you cannot see your T - can you actually get by without seeing your T? Please think about it carefully - you sound very angry right now, and when I get angry I make rash and bad decisions

I agree with the others. Your post diesnt sound like you're in a good place right now. Please take your meds! Bad things happen to me when I quit mine!

I really just wanna f'n die...I dont want to live. life is so pointless...majorly pointless. work sucks...I wished he would call and cancel me from working at his house...he is being rediculous. maybe i will call in tonight...then maybe he will get the message. i cant afford not to work but i dont need to work for jerk off. this is so rediculous and he knows it. he asked me why i wasnt staying in the guest bedroom when he know i have been falling asleep that why i stay in the kitchen and watch tv. so I know all of this is because he split hairs over the time i was leaving so istarted coming just in time to started working at midnight and im leaving at 8am and he hates that he f'ed himself because i was getting there 10 minutes early. I f'n hate him big time. this is going to turn into a war he doesnt want to start cuz i will finish it and he will be really sorry. I am calling t about the pdoc appt and all that is going on but no one will be able to change my mind except maybe t.

I think we both need to go get some good sleep now.

Please work with your T - let her help you come up with a plan. But promise to be safe

I have been sleeping like crazy but I work midnights that why I am still up. I dont know what I will do right now I wont promise anything cuz I dont trustvi could keep it. My life just plain sucks right now.

you don't seem in a very good place... please try to relax, put yourself in a rest-mode... do not make any decision at this moment,please.

I think you need to get your mind into something different- I dunno but saying you won't promise because you're not sure you can keep it just sounds like not trying in the first place. You don't sound well. Do whatever you need to to keep safe and if you can't do that, call the psych ER

I'm seconding Moose.
Something sounds very wrong - either your meds need to be changed (And I know you want to stop them) or you need to have a long chat with your T. The hospital sounds like a good idea.
Can you ask a friend to stay with and look after you?

It does sound like either something got you cycling or that the episode with the p-doc triggered someting- dear. I second the above, especially Suga just now. Do you have someone you can trust to stay with you? I doesn't sound like you are in a good place. can you tune down the anger enough to figure how you can get in touch with T about some type of game plan? Have you talked about that?

I will call t in the morning after i get off work at 8am. She is pretty good at getting back with me within a couple of hours. I dont need someone to stay with me i live with my parents and one of them is always home. super stressed...and appt with pdoc didnt help, the stress at work didnt help either. anyway...I am safe for now.

That's good to hear Mel. Can you listen to some soothing music and just relax...? Let your mind calm down, focus on the music

i didnt get to call her but i will call and leave her a message and she will get back with me when she is back in the office.

I don't know if this would help but I just put up a bunch of recordings that a choir I was in did. Very soothing chants. You know- like monks- but women. :-)

thanks Moose. I appreciate the offer but I have some very soothing music I use and it is helping a little bit.

Music is good for you. Just make sure the soothing music doesn't depress your mood further. It is one thing my T warned me about, as I tend to wallow in my depressed mood instead of trying to get out of it.

Some music has weird effect on me though... I have no really "emo" songs in my music library, just reasonably dark stuff... but once I was in a weird mood and this estonian song which is not even dark... weirded me out.