[CesarioRose]

it as expected; everyone else in my life has walked out on me. but my current friends, once they learned i was on meds, "we just cant handle someone on psychotropic meds right now" spells it out clear.

my chronic fear of abandonment grows with every syllable. and the last friends i ever had, which i thought were the best i ever had... throw me to the wolves.

i really see no point in trying to make friends anymore. they're all going to walk out on me.

[Ryask]

Those don't sound like friends to me

[Soul Quake]

You're better off without such people.

[sarek]

Its hard to find good friends. I have always had an effective antenna for them and ended up with a very small number of good friends.
In contrast, my best friend is a strong extrovert who knows people everywhere. He thought he had lots of friends. But when the brown stuff hit the fan he found those friends in general to be quite disappointing.

If it is any consolation I can guarantee you that there are people out there who will stay by your side and will not walk out on you. But you have to approach every new person as if you expect them to be true. Keep your own mind and heart open, despite your bad experiences in the past.

[PT52]

Originally Posted by CesarioRose

it as expected; everyone else in my life has walked out on me. but my current friends, once they learned i was on meds, "we just cant handle someone on psychotropic meds right now" spells it out clear.

my chronic fear of abandonment grows with every syllable. and the last friends i ever had, which i thought were the best i ever had... throw me to the wolves.

i really see no point in trying to make friends anymore. they're all going to walk out on me.

It's awful when you find out "friends" aren't really friends. My only close friends are my sister and my daughter. Others are acquaintances that I don't share a whole lot with.

So, as a friend (because there are all kinds, including us here), I'm going to give a couple of suggestions.

i really see no point in trying to make friends anymore. they're all going to walk out on me.

Because these friends turned out not to be friends at all, does not mean that everyone is that way. As a matter of fact, most people aren't that way. Rather than focusing on making friends, focus on what you enjoy doing, what makes you happy. Meeting people you have something in common with makes being friends a lot easier.

my chronic fear of abandonment grows with every syllable. and the last friends i ever had, which i thought were the best i ever had... throw me to the wolves.

If you have a chronic fear of abandonment, it is going to show in the way you interact with your friends. The toughest thing to remember is that their behavior isn't about you, it's about them. You have a choice over whether you've been thrown to the wolves or been liberated from a negative relationship. You also have a choice whether these non-friends will be the last.

Yes, it totally sucks. But if you dwell on the awful ex-friends and how terribly they treated you, they will win. If you move forward focusing on making real friends, you win.

Lots and lots of hugs, and don't forget: you have friends here.

[Uprwestsdr]

I've learned that most people are afraid of mental illness. Not that we'll hurt them, it's more that they don't know what to do or say. They are frightened by our emotions. And, there are times when we become a very difficult person to be around. My brother loves me, I know, but anytime my emotions are out of kilter he runs. He just can't handle it.

I think it's the hardest part of being mentally ill: the isolation when friends and family just don't want to be in our company. The worst thing for us is to be alone, but we drive people away with our illness.

[CesarioRose]

This friend, she's told me, has BP II, too. I think she had a bad experience with drugs in the past, and are afraid of them. i'm not giving up; maybe it's the lamitcal finally kicking in, i would have been far more depressed at this then i am now. And she reads my blog.

so my T and I are confused by this. I need to find more friends, yes; maybe a support group for those who have BP in my area. But... it's just that, i expected this outcome; everyone who i have ever trusted have stabbed me in the back. This time no different; by an insensitive person who fails to see how lucky she is to have someone else who loves her. She doesn't have a career yet to worry about; i do. i cant have my co-workers figuring out who i am, what i am; worse yet, to see the symptoms of this disorder. She has yet to grow up, and mature.

[ladyjrnlist]

You don't have to to tell anyone you don't want to tell about your illness either.

[CesarioRose]

i know that. I just want to have manageable emotions so i can at least cope, and not break down. i just learned this past week i had a mixed episode, and it was terrible. The phasing in and out of depression and hypo-mania, at work, i'm sure was weird and confusing for people.

[sugahorse1]

I agree that those weren't friends. All of my friends that i've decided to tell, have been very supportive. And I really have very few friends.
With regards to the chronic fear of abandonment - yup, that's me too.
And because of it, I cling to people and friendships, and it just makes things worse. I'm working hard on this in therapy. I need to learn to self-soothe and be able to be independant. Not to take my friends' reactions personally.