[Moose72]

This was only a couple months before diagnosed as bipolar. The med I mention is Celexa that put me into this. It would be another year and four mo ths before Id get the official BP 1 diagnosis.

I can't sleep again. *I feel all geared up I guess.
Agitated. Shaky. Brain doesn't work right. Going too
fast. like nothing will keep my attention and I need
more of it to work. *Its the same as what I sort of
described to you yesterday I guess. *I just had a
thought that maybe its a reaction to them doubling my
brain drugs. *I was remembering that when I first went
on it I felt weird and detached like this. *Racing
thoughts and unstable emotions. *Damn brain drugs. But
anyway- that maybe means i'm not cuckoo- just chemical
pills doing this to me. The ones you said not to
take?! Phooey! (Phooey at having taken them.) *This is
driving me nuts because my brain is on overdrive and
think too much and its all about nothing and
everything and good god I already have a tendancy to
over think everything. lol I couldn't do my judo
correctly this morning. Kept missing "files" on throws
I've done umpteen times before. *(As in... what to do
next... oops! I have no idea!) Last one to catch on to
what we were doing that was new. *I feel like I gotta
do EVERYthing and NOW and run around screaming and
wander the neighborhood at night... BLECH! I am
feeling mostly A-ttached at the moment, so I think
I'll rather stay inside- thank god!- but ...

Maybe Nemo will come snuggle with me. *I just gotta
get some sleep. I'm thinking maybe that's what's been
giving me the vivid dreams, as well, when I finally do
crash. *Then I'm up phoning men at 8 a.m. to join me
for coffee... ;-P *

I gotta stop this racing thoughts- racing trying to
figure the world out in a moment and writing long
emails that say everything and yet nothing at the same
time. *

I feel like nothing will settle my mind. Not something
new on tv, not something old on tv, not a familiar
DVD. *Maybe reading a book would. *

I know this sounds insane but I am not insane. Just on
brain drugs. I suppose I will have to phone and talk
to someone about this as a side effect/reaction. *I am
not sure where that lies metaphysically. *I just want
a hug from you and I know that what I REALLY need is
sleep because that's probably half the problem at this
point.

This is at least a comfort to think that maybe its
these drugs and not ME that's making me feel so awful.

[sugahorse1]

It's very interesting to look back and see how we reacted/interpreted the issues at the beginning of our diagnosis. To see how we've improved and how much we've learnt

[wing]

you say you need a hug...((((((((moose)))))))))
there's one for you!

[Amazonmom]

I'm sorry you went through all of that for so long before your diagnosis! Hugs for Moose

[Moose72]

Yes. This email was in August 2006. I remember feeling that way - but it's interesting to see the glaring symptoms yet no correct diagnosis. Celexa then these symptoms = bipolar!

The not sleeping, agitation, pressure to constantly talk and flights of ideas... It was all there. And soon after this, o had depersonalization and hallucinations when I DID go outside and wander around.

Why is this so hard to diagnose??

[BlackPup]

I hope that they are getting better. In Australia there has been a huge media campaign so both patients and doctors can both recognise BP as a possibility. Despite this, after seeing one of these ads on tv, I asked my doctor for a referral and it took him a year to give me one, all the while he was pumping me with drugs that didn't work. I should have left and gone elsewhere, but I was too sick to do much of anything.... (In total I was 7 years misdiagnosed as MDD- admittedly BPII is more difficult to pick than the mania you described with BPI) My friend, who new me back then and is now a ED doctor can not believe that no one picked it back then.... (including her!!!!)

[Moose72]

Yeah- unfortunately it WAS me making me feel like that- just given a huge push by celexa. I'd started it in February 2006 after "horror movie hallucinations" and was on it until August when I went inti a depersonalization/derealization episode where I saw a little girl who "disappeared". It was this that I told my dr who then doubled my celexa dose, saying it was "PMDD"! Then the email above happened. So it wasn't only starting celexa in August (doubling actually). But why give celexa when I was so obviously psychotic? That Feb, I'd seen people with their spines ripped out as I walked through my son's preschool and other horrible things and they wouldn't stop! That was the first time I was put on Celexa. Celexa for obvious psychosis!

[Moose72]

Another one!

I'm dealing with bigger things lately- like my dr's
appointments still. *Still no answers. *I feel like I
should call Discovery Health Channel for their show
"Diagnosis Unknown"! *I went for a cortizone test a
few weeks back and have not heard about those results
yet. *I have an appointment with my primary doctor on
Thursday- a follow-up from issues I phoned about a
couple weeks ago about my Celexa dose change. *Goes
like this: I was having emotional swings and they
decided they had to do with just before my period
(which I guess they WERE, BUT they have happened when
there has BEEN to following period!) so they diagnosed
me with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder and doubled my
Celexa. *Not long after this, I started having
emotional swings even worse- almost day to day! *I
started talking a mile a minute about nothing and
feeling like I had to do something- ANYthing- and NOW!
So I called them back. *They downed my dose for a
while and said to call them back, meanwhile my psych.
office is talking with my primary care doctor and what
to do with me. *

WELL! *Thus far, I have not noticed much of a change
in my mental condition. *This past Thursday evening, I
went to a church-choir picnic. *Hadn't seen these
people in months, if that, as I'd been sick last
Spring too and missed the end of the choir "year". *I
got very "antsy" again and literally talked the ear
off of my ex-husband! I mean, a mile a minute, you'd
think I had had 3 large Starbucks "bold blend"
coffees, talking! *The following day, I was feeling
very depressed. Having suicidal thoughts, which is
unlike me. *I slept a lot that day and ended up going
out with Christopher. He bought me some ink and paper
for an old printer he has so that I might print out my
website, which I'm trying to turn into a book. *So, we
had Wendy's. *That was all fine. *Until....

That evening, I had a slight stomach ache. *As the
next few hours went on, it got a bit worse and a bit
worse and I KNEW this was just like it was in June. *A
Friday, even! *It continued on while I tried to ignore
it until about 2:30 a.m. Saturday, when I could no
longer ignore it. *I started having hot flashes and
cold flashes, sweat pouring down my face, and ripping
off my clothes and dizzy in the bathroom. *Not new to
me, but never any less unpleasant. *To spare you the
details, I ended up naked on the floor of the bathroom
or the hallway and throwing up... and slept for a bit
ON the toilet with a pillow! *By 6 a.m., I could
finally sleep some and did until 2 p.m.! *UGH.
Christopher was gone that day to Toronto for a neice's