ready to quit

I have had it. Stress it at an all time high. My boss is an xxxxxxxx and I am ready to quit and head back to California where I at least have a good pdoc and talk doc. If I stay in this job I might as well kill myself. Because they are trying to bring on a new person they have taken my top 9 customers to give a new person a chance to get started. I have invested the last three months into building relationships with my customers and generating revenue for the company only to have another new person come in and reap the rewards of my work. I was better off unemployed and hating life where I had a support system in place. Now I am in a job that I hate, 750 miles from home, with no support system, and all alone. The only thing that is keeping me here is the fact that I signed a promissory note for a sign on bonus that I would have to repay if I left within the first year on the job. I hate this. I hate my life. I just want to quit everything and quit life.

Sorry to vent but I just needed to say what I am feeling somewhere.

I am sorry it is so bad right now. I understand that feeling of being trapped.

Vent away, kdd240z!!! We all need someplace to do that... If it is any consolation, I am sending good thoughts your way... and from not even far at all, so they will arrive full strength for absolutely sure! I've had very different sorts of jobs than you, but no matter what kind, they are can leave us feeling trapped. Not necessarily so, though it certainly feels that way. Remember that we are here, and it really is support (Outside of PC, I couldn't even tell you where home is. Nowhere actually. Support outside of one person I've known just over a year? Nonexistant outside of PC.) It's really not "just some place on the internet". There are people here who really do "get it" and care. I hope you can consider us part of your support system...

Please keep us posted, ok?

Thanks Innerzone. I know that there are people here do most definitely get it. It is hard sometimes knowing that the people who understand you the most are people you can never meet in person. Even at home most people don't get me and I feel like such a drain on my family. I was really hoping this would be a fresh start for me up here. Maybe I just need to spend more time here to escape my reality.

Thanks again

Rough time, kdd. Battling with bipolar and having the fruits of your work picked and given to someone else is a double whammy. Support structure is so important to coping with the stresses we face. Sadly the formal work environment is often sorely lacking in people who genuinely look out for each other.
I hope you are able to get together with folks who really care in the area where you work.

Peter

Some suggestions:

Do you like to play any sports? Usually there are centers or gyms that you can go to, to sign up! There are usually classes at gyms like aerobics which can be beneficial for our health and mind. (I actually need to do this one...sign up for a class)
Have you thought about reaching out to your local support group? I know in my city there is one, and if I'm not drowned in homework I intend on going this weekend. (I kind of got scared last weekend...but I think it will be helpful so I need to try)
If you're religious, you can find a local church. Generally the smaller ones are more accepting of people.

I know it is hard to move away from the main support group. When I moved 2 hours away from my home to go to college I had not put in the initiative to try and make friends. I felt alone, and scared and my behavior went out of control. I went into my sophomore year with no friends, and just a boyfriend. I spent that year feeling anxious and afraid of talking to new people, but I managed to do it. Now I've created a support system for myself.

I think when you're older though, and not in school it is harder. Yet, I still think its possible to find friends anywhere. I'm trying to stay positive. It isn't easy. Good luck ((Kdd))<33333 I think deep in your heart you know what you need to do.<33333

Kdd, Hang in there. I think this depression you're feeling is justified and situational. That's different from BP depression. And your boss does sound like he is taking advantage of your good work. I hope you can rebuild your client base quickly.
Sending good vibes your way.

Hi kdd..I'm with Innerzone, sending you hugs from really close by. You've probably thought of this, but a lot of how you're feeling could be caused in part by all the rain we've had. When the sun came out today, I was in nirvana. And moving here can be a fresh start. Don't let your job define you or be the thing that drags you down. You have a contract to honor and when it's done, you have the choice to do something else. It's a temporary inconvenience, don't you see? It's tough being away from the support system you've always had, but I bet you could find a support group or some kind of social group where you can build a new support system - then you'll have two. Stay strong.

Thanks everyone for the words of encourage and wisdom. Today was a much better day and my boss and I had a long talk about the way he was limiting my ability to do my job and make the kind of money I should be making. He actually called his boss and reversed the decision and gave me back the customers he had taken away yesterday.

PT52...that sunshine today was glorious! The night sky from my apartment was the most beautiful I have ever seen. The moon was backlighting the clouds and the city lights were adding a glow that was great. The best though was that the colors in the clouds looked like sunset with a pitch black sky. Amazing.

Staying strong. Looking forward. Centered again.

Thanks again everyone!

Excellent news on the work front, kdd! Yea! Glad you are feeling so much better!
Hehe, yeah, the sun.... Hey! What is that thing up in the sky?!
Nice scene description!
And it's full moon tonight (and tomorrow as well, not sure how that works, but that's what the weather page said...). Enjoy!

Full Moon so I can Howl at it heh.
And yes, good news, kdd. Hope your life improves enormously this year.