Omg! Psychotic!

I can so relate to standing in line waiting and resisting the urge to say something. I can't count the number of times I had to drop out of a line to prevent an outburst or meltdown.

As for the sex on the brain it is important to remember it is another symptom of your current inbalance and not a real desire you would 'normally' feel. Like the anxiety, all of your emotions are running in overdrive right now.

I am glad you are staying connected here. I hope it is helping you.

ps.... Phoebe looks beautiful right now in the sunshine. I find it very calming to watch her. I am having mixed episodes these days and so my anxiety is high and my emotions are all over the map. Watching Phoebe helps me settle my breath and keep the tears away.

Thanks for the reaffirmation re: sex.

Your are most welcome Moose. We are here for you and we care about how you are doing. You are going to be okay. You are strong and insightful and you will get through this difficult time. Take it one step at a time with an aim of not getting caught up reacting to symptoms. Name them, put them in context and let them run the course without letting them take you where you don't want to go.

I have made myself a list to remind me how best to cope when a particular emotion or urge starts to consume me. At the top of the list is a reminder that in those moments of distress 'my brain is playing tricks with me'. The emotion is over the top and not an accurate reflection of my reality. That opens me up to applying the coping mechanisms I have learned that can ease a particular symptom.

When we are off balance I think of it this way. What I think are real emotions in those moments of distress are actually symptoms. I think the distiction is key. One seems internal while the other external. External is easier to cope with. At least for me.

This acknowledgement, depending on how early into the feelings of distress can often give me the strength to refocus on coping or sitting with the symptom before the emotion gets too overwhelming. Consequently I am much less likely to act out in unhealthy and distructive ways just to get some kind of a release from the emotional overload.

Wishing you well as always. Treat yourself with kindness. You will be okay.

I was given this song today and I wanted to share it with you....

I dunno how I feel during an episode. Not in the world. Detatched. Like the rules have changed.

Found another email. 4 1/2 years old. Sept 6, 2006.

There are lots of details, but after man years of
feeling this way, the last few weeks of an increase in
my anti-depressant has thrown me into manic episodes,
that quickly then turn to WORSE depression (read:
'suicidal thoughts') *and wears me out for the extreme
highs and lows. *So basically, its happening WAY more
often, whereas before, I'd just get lost, quit jobs,
make grand plans, buy big items... but not as often.
So, I finally saw my primary dr. today and she said I
am bi-polar. *Prescribed a mood stabilizer, and
readjusted my Celexa. *In addition, I had some blood
tests, pregnancy test and a pelvic ultrasound for
exhaustion, pregnancy, and pelvic pain. *Dunno on the
blood tests yet, but all they found was they couldn't
find my right ovary. *Other than that, all seems in
working order. *(Not pregnant!)

Hi Moose. Hope you have felt some peace today. I am curious what you take away now from the email.

I don't remember the manic episode as such but a disassociate state. But I do remember other episodes I was referring to/ probably more hypomanic but whatever. I now know that last I was skinny was Sept 2006. And I dint remember swinging that much. Now I'm on the hypo/manic side most of the time, with some mixed episodes and some disregulations IE suddenly sobbing while feeling normal or happy.

I also wasn't officially diagnosed for a year abd a few months after this. I was BP NOS and they told me they weren't convinced. Then I got bp 1. Guess psychosis stories help. But I spent last year trying to convince my reg dr that I get migraines- "for realz". They wouldn't do much for me exceot accuse me of narcotic shopping.

Hey Moose,

How you feeling? Haven't spoken to you in a wee while

Right now I'm home alone with the kids. It's quiet. I'm tired.

Feeling ok. Just a bit anxious. I've still been on the sex thing- ugh! Itst really distracting and annoying.

We went to the bookstore and hung out earlier. Talked with someone I sometimes see there who is a nurse. Interesting conversation.

I've been asked by exbf to go take pix tomorrow. I've told him the situation and he seems to be on board with not giving in to manic ideas. I also don't want to be alone- at least fir now. Later I will want to be left alone to read or watch tv.

I feel horrible. I have a migraine but the meds exhaust me. But I can't sleep because I am having episodes of apnea no matter what. I don't always get that. So I'm up still on pain and fearing no sleep will head me toward mania again.

((((((moose)))))) I pray you were able to get some sleep. Just hang in there. Only 2 more days before the pdoc on Monday. Keep breathing hun.

I did sleep better after that. I think I got overly sedated with migraine med and that's why.

Pdoc is a week from Monday. Lithium level is this Tuesday. Hope that comes out we'll

Still up. Gave in. Sex with ex. Was very nice. Calming and lovely and such. I feel fine right now. We'll see later but since I still have had sex with anybody else, I figure it's ok.

When I felt like that I just used to... uhm... DIY. Obsessively. You get the picture.

Ye gods, I'm glad to see the back of that!

Gee I thought it was this Monday. Sorry you still have a while to wait. Stay safe in the meantime. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope posting here has been useful for you.

Gosh, it just hit me... a WEEK from Monday! Hope you stay well.

Keep on keeping on.

Yeah. I'm ok. And yeah I catch your drift but not the same. Meanwhile I haven't heard from guy I went to visit. *shrug*

I heard from him. Said he was feeling reclusive.

I took my youngest to a Boychoir concert in Toledo today. Toledo's budget for road repair is apparently $0. Was ok concert. Boys were well-behaved. I'm still feeling okay.

Yes posting here has been very helpful! I'm so happy this board has such great people.

Me too. I always appreciate no matter what time of day or night someone is always here to off support. I am glad you ahd a good day with your boys went well.

Had a good day today with my middle and youngest kids. Watching House. Hungry.

So glad to hear you had a good day with your kids. I like that show too. House can really go over the top but it is fun to watch him going there. lol

I hope you continue to grow stronger and more at peace. Take good care.

At drs. Supposed to get lithium level checked. Lab didn't have it! Second time they've lost an order from my pdoc. They're ****ing idiots.

arrrgh! That's so annoying!!!