Rid phone, rot on the sofa. Sounds like a plan.

I feel burnt out. I'm fighting it but I can't fool myself. Everything is an effort. And everything is reminding me of the fact that I'm withdrawing. People's texts, invitations to things, emails about coursework. At first I would think 'I really want to but I'm too tired.' Then 'I wish I would want to.' And now 'I don't want to, everyone bugger off and leave me alone.' But I won't say it. But even finding excuses is an effort! And it's like my brain is split into to, the one side knows, the other side is stubborn and thinks I actually want to rot. But every time I try to take over the 'sick' side and do stuff I end up feeling worse even if I can see that I can mask it adequately and glimpse the alternate reality that used to be My reality once. Am I making any sense? God these past few weeks have been mad. NEVER off meds experiment, regardless of what the pdoc suggests. And on top of that I have this guy that I kind of know but not really, asking me out! And it feels as if someone asks me if I fancy going shopping while I'm in a battlefield. I can't even deal with what to make for dinner. My brain crumbles. What I want to do is turn off this part of my brain that strives to keep up at least to the minimum pretences, put up a sign 'CLOSED FOR REPAIR' and keep painting nonsense.

So sorry about this rant, I don't even feel I should be ranting, it's mad. I hate how I sound, self-involved and feeling sorry for myself. Because I don't. Aaargh. Turn me off...

Rant away! That is what this place is here for. I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better, but know that you are being heard and I am sending you big *HUGS*!

Lots of SadRobot
"NEVER off meds experiment, regardless of what the pdoc suggests." Totally lost me there (it is probably perfectly clear, but right now I'm very spaced and having trouble comprehending things at all, but still trying like hell). Are you off your meds right now?

(No worries on the perception of it being "ranting". Sometimes things overtake us so much... it's not self-involved, at least not in a negative way, so don't beat yourself up over it.)

hi there. Ranting is what I do best, so jump on the bandwagon. It's really ok to let it all out, and it can be very healing.
It's ok to switch off from time to time and take time out for yourself.