I'm really struggling

I don't see T til Monday and I can't call her because she doesn't work on Friday's. My pdoc doesn't have any openings until I see him next Friday.
I am having lots of impulsivity issues, I am doing some SI, I am hearing my name called when no one is there, I don't want to be at work and would much rather be in bed alone with the cover over my head sleeping.

I feel alone, but my husband is always there for me and is my rock when I need him. I just don't feel like I can lean on him right now. It's weird...I don't feel I can tell him all that's going on because I don't want to worry him. He worries enough as it is.

I don't know what to do......any ideas on how to last until Monday when I see T?

You can temporarily distract yourself with activities, something that engages you and keeps your mind off your pain. I wrote about this a few days ago oddly enough... maybe if you list out some of the things you like to do in your free time, you can schedule a day of activity so you don't think about being depressed. Mind you, this is a short-term solution. Not recommended for long term use. Hang in there.

Thank you for the idea and the hugs. Maybe I will get out and do something tomorrow to keep my mind occupied. I can go shoot hoops with my son! That's an idea. I hadn't thought of that.

No problem. Just let me know if there is anything I can do, in my very limited and incorporeal nature. I have a blog you can read if you get bored. It's all about being mentally ill and coping with life.

where is the blog?

http://neurochemicallychallenged.wordpress.com

Thank you!

I agree that exercise, games, and reading might help. They all tend to help me, as well as watching cheerful dvd's in the background.

Thanks unico. Maybe I will have to break out a funny movie when I get home. I like playing video games, too with some music in the background.

funny movies help me sometimes, I watched dinner for shmucks the other night and it was a good pick me up. I understand about not wanting to worry your husband, I feel like that too but I'm sure he can see you're not quite right and would love to do something distracting and fun with you.

well, I just e-mailed him as I am at work and told him a bit about what I am going through so when I get home he isn't shocked and we can talk. I know he knows something is wrong anyways, so I should just tell him. *sigh* it's just so hard because I don't understand why I am going through all of this right now....it just hit me like a ton of bricks. This depression is weighing on my shoulders and it's so heavy....I just hate it so much.

I know, it's really hard. Depression can sneak up on you; take you surprised. I know how that feels, and I am so sorry you are going through it. I'm here if you need someone to listen to your fears, rants or whatever.

Thanks. I'm just afraid things are going to get worse than they are right now. I am on a slope downward and it's going fast. I feel like no one could possibly understand what I am going through, but then I come here and know that there are folks that do understand and it helps. I just want to cry for no reason....none at all. I am not thinking about anything sad or depressing it's just a feeling I have. It's scary and hard to deal with.
I think the hardest part is that my husband tries to understand, but he doesn't understand how I can be depressed and upset for no apparent reason.

I find that I have to share the load when I need a lot of suppor. I talk to a lot of my Frieda so each ne only gets a fraction of the job to support me. I still pick and choose whom I'm going to share this type of thing with, though, as some people can't understand.

It's no different than needing to wear glasses or take insulin. Your brain doesn't work the way it should, medications + people can help make it work better. Pdocs and therapists are great resources. It also helps to know there are others out there who have suffered with you. We share your pain.

I have had that feeling where you could just break down over the silliest things. It doesn't matter when you're depressed. Your emotions will be all over the place. We just have to find ways to keep ourselves occupied.

I just e-mailed my T. Normally she doesn't like to do e-mails, but I feel like I really needed to send her an email. Hopefully, she will e-mail me back, but I won't hold my breath.

I hope you're hanging in there. I know what you mean about not wanting to tell your husband. I struggle with that too. Even though I know that it is the same as having to wear glasses I still struggle to get behind that 100% so it is natural to feel uncomfortable letting my husband know how nutso I'm feeling.

I'm glad you sent him the email and I hope you get some peace soon.

Thanks. I got home to a welcome of big hugs. He is amazing to me. I have to remember that no matter what he is always there for me and sometimes I just plain forget that.

I came home and dyed my hair so I am feeling a little better. I think I needed a change...or maybe it was just part of the impulsiveness I have been feeling. lol

Well, my T wrote back. That made me feel much better. She had some good words for me and reminded me that I can always draw my "safe" place, which sometimes helps calm me down.

Great, glad to hear things are going better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and good wishes.