[Charlie_J]

I am so confused here. I've come across CBT before and tried to use it. My therapist is wanting to start me on it, and I just attended the live chat about it. At the moment I'm in a depressive state after a manic state. Slow cycling.

So, when I'm looking for the negative thoughts that must exist, I'm having some trouble.

While physically and chemically, I'm depressed right now, over the years my thoughts have become extremely muddy. I carry some things with me from each state, and some of them are quite contradictory.

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure I don't have a clue what I believe about myself. It as if, whatever negative thoughts are there (which I'm currently responding to emotionally), they're hiding behind the memory of the thoughts I've had previously, when I was elated.

I'm not even sure that makes sense, but that's how it seems.

Does this strike a chord with anyone out there?

[BlackPup]

I never try to work things out when I'm really up or really down.... I just can't think straight....
I find it easier to work things out after they have happened, like I was having a conversation, someone said something, I got upset. Later when I'm not so upset I think what was it about what the person said that upset me, what did I let it say about me.....
take it one thought at a time, recognise the thought, work out the pattern, then it gets quicker and easier....

[SunReach]

Oh yes that strikes a chord...I think CBT is only useful when you're stable. Otherwise, it can make you worse, constantly trying to rationalise chemistry, which is impossible. It took me a long while to understand that. So, I sort of devised my own version for the times when I know I'm not thinking straight, and it has nothing to do with my personality or the way I think in general, and in this version I just observe myself without trying to interfere - meaning to replace patterns etc etc (the usual CBT techniques) - but I just remind myself of my baseline from which I have strayed so that I don't actually end up thinking that I AM these thoughts, which after all are not even really mine in a sense.

The way I make sense out of the 'thoughts hiding behind the memory of other thoughts' is that you are constantly aware of all the possible states you could be in. Like feeling depressed but at the same time being able to sort of visualise yourself elated, knowing how that feels, but for some reason not being able to access it. This is how I feel for most of the time - and it is mind-boggling...

Sorry for rambling on, my advice would be to give CBT a good effort but don't obsess over it. Especially if you have the tendency to be over-controlling! Take your time and observe first of all. Get to know what's actually an unhelpful way of thinking that you apply as a person, and what's chemistry...

Wish you the best

[Charlie_J]

Thank you so much, BlackPup and SadRobot. I really should give it a go when I'm less stressed and depressed and see if I can make better sense of it then.

Originally Posted by SadRobot

[...] you are constantly aware of all the possible states you could be in. Like feeling depressed but at the same time being able to sort of visualise yourself elated, knowing how that feels, but for some reason not being able to access it.

This. Exactly what I was trying to say, but clearer.

[fred james]

speaking only for myself, I found CBT to be wonderful. It was an excellent adjunct to medication and has really helped me adjust and stabilize--as much as that's possible with bp.