[Miss Laura]

My Mum and I have had a big fall out. We both shouted, said things we didn't mean. Last night my Mum never saw me when she came outside the livingroom. She said 'what you trying to do kill me' I said 'ye' why the hell did I say that. Last night I didn't sleep much only 1 and a half hours. This morning she had a go at me and we fought. She left the house without telling me. I got angry and so did she. I have left the house. I wanted to smash glass and I wanted to hurt myslef. I'm in town on my own. My mum has been calling me and texting me saying she is worried about me etc! She sent me a text saying she loves me and is worried I do something daft. I want to hurt myself and drink alcohol

[Miss Laura]

I have also brought the implement I use to hurt myself and some medication wtf am I doing?

[lotusflames]

best advice i can give is to GO HOME and talk to your mum

at least text her back

[CesarioRose]

I know you're thinking of finding pleasure from pain. But only pain can be found in pain. Go talk to your mum. Go home. Go find your mum, and go talk to her.

[Miss Laura]

I told her I would be home later. I just need space. I'm sitting in a cafe unsure what I'm doing. I'm on verge of tears

[sugahorse1]

Lau-please look after yourself. First and best option is you going home to your mom. Otherwise, go to a close friend you trust and confide in him/her.
I know that for me talk to someone I'm angry with, is often disasterous. You need the anger to die down and the emotions to subside, and then be able to have a heart to heart with your mom.
Please be safe. And at least text her to tell her you are safe. She's your mom; she loves you. Emotions were just running out of control. We all get angry from time to time-we are human. Yes, a conversation is in order, but if you cannot keep emotion out of it, it can make things worse.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[onlymedid]

I agree that going home and talking to your mom is the best, after you have calmed yourself. Try not to do anything to yourself because that would only hurt YOU....not the best thing to do right now. You don't need to hurt any more than you already are. *hugs*

[Miss Laura]

Ok so update you guys....

I headed home and was really anxious about going home. I texted a friend and explained the situation. She told me to contact my CPN.... I feel I am wasting his time by calling him. So I called him. We spoke and I told him what had happened and the fact I was wanting to really hurt myself. He said if I am feeling really agitated then I can take 1 of my last 2 tablets of Lorazepam. He said he will call me tomorrow to see how I am. He said he will talk to my Psych and see what he says too. He has also said that my folks can come and meet him despite me being 26 as I live with them and that way he can help them make sense of Bipolar.

So I got home as he said he wanted me to come here and also I had to promise him I wouldn't hurt myself. I have promised him that. So far I haven't hurt myself. I got home and no-one was home so I came into my room and started writing my Mum a letter. However half way through my letter my Mum and Sister came home. I didn't bother much as I wanted to write my letter. However they never knew I was home and my Mum and Sister were discussing me. Both being complete *****es btw!! My Mum said she wished I would of ran away and that I am mental... I could move out now as I am mental and they would give me a flat/house as I am mental..... Do you know how much these statements REALLY hurt me. I was in tears AGAIN. After that comment I went into the livingroom and placed my letter on the sofa. My Sister was like "Oh Hi" my Mum came into the livingroom as I was heading back to my room in floods of tears. 2 seconds later my Mum came in my room and we had another argument and I was pacing, getting my coat on ready to leave AGAIN. My Mum was trying to say I took it out of context but she and I both knew I had her cornered. I am still fuming about these statements. Her and my Sister are something else. They just spent 30 mins bad mouthing me and then pretending everything is fine. My Mum hauled me on my bed and held me as I was inconsolable. I still can't stop crying.

I really don't want my parents talking let alone seeing my CPN.... he is mines and has nothing to do with him. It feels like a breach of confidentiality even though I know he won't discuss me at all and it will be purely for BP discussion.

I feel like a loser, who just doesn't know what the hell I am doing!!

[kitty004567]

(((Miss Laura))) I'm sorry things are so rough right now and I hope they get better soon.

[SpiritRunner]

Laura, I'm sorry things are so hard for you with your family right now. It does sound like it's hard for them to understand what is happening with you. It makes me think that, even if it uncomfortable for you, they need to go with you and have your CPN help them understand more about BP.
Many hugs to you and please stay safe!

[BlackPup]

I agree with poet girl, the more they understand about BP the less they will be confused about what is happening and more they will be able to help.
Take care

[disguise123]

ok right now things are in a right mess. But do call ur cpn.
Do stay safe,
The situation with ur mum and sister sounds awful, but you focus on you right now.
Xxxxxxx

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys,

I am ok, I feel drained and still angry slightly. I have been ok today. I haven't hurt myself as much as I would like to. I am gonna call my CPN tomorrow and tell him my folks want a meeting. I am dreading them going for a meeting. I feel like a kid at school again. I had a meeting with my Union and they say my work are being unfair and that I have a case. My meeting with a Mental Health Organisation was cancelled so it will be re-arranged soon.

I am more angry at my Sister as she is my Twin sister not just a regular sibling. So it has really hurt me, the comments that she said.