help!! scared, in mixed episode w/ psychosis

I am physically disabled from a disease called RSD & constantly in horrible pain & have alot of mobilit problems, etc....lots of nasty symptoms. Take 17 meds a day. I just got out of a psych hospital a few weeks ago for depression & suicidal thoughts from bipolar disorder. Saw my therapist today. Presently, I am in a "mixed state with psychosis". I've been really depressed, isolating very bad, & not taking care of myself at all. At the same time, my mind is racing like when I am manic, just with bad thoughts instead of being super happy, wanting to do everything, talk to everyone. This is horribly embarrasing to admit, but I have been hearing voices & sounds since the hospital. I talked to my therapist about it today & she was very concerned. In the past, I have briefly heard voices when I was in the psych hospital two separate times. I blew it off as temporary side effects from med changes & stress & it went away. During this recent hospitalization, I hallucinated several times in the last day and a half I was there. Problem is, it is still happening. They played around with the dosages, but didn't add any new meds. These stupid meds are making me steadily gain soooo much weight. I am over 50 lbs. overweight, which doesn't do much for my self-esteem & dieting does nothing. The voices I am hearing are telling me bad things about myself....different than just thoughts. Hard to describe. Also, I hear random noises that are out of place. I will casually ask my mom, did you hear that? When she says no, I just blow it off & say oh, nevermind. It's hard for me to know if it is real or not. I don't want my family or friends to know. Since I got out the hospital, I told my friends to leave me alone bc I just don't wanna talk to anyone right now. I really have nothing to say, especially thats positive. Told them I'd call them when I was ready. I've been hospitalized so many times, they have gotta be sick of hearing about it. Two of my best friends & my ex-boyfriend wanted to visit in the hospital, but I told them no. Was just too embarrased that this was happening again!!! I've lost count of my psych hospitalizations.....maybe 7 or 8 times in the last 10 or so years. My mom came there twice to bring me clothes, not to talk. Anyways, I just feel so unstable & embarrased right now. I trust y'all with this "top secret" info. My therapist said they'd probably have to put me on Haldol. Hopefully if I do need to take it, it can be taken asa needed and not daily. Just emailed my psych doc that writes my meds to see what she wants to do. This is just the last thing I need right now. Most of my close friends have young children. If they find out, they won't want me around, especially around their children, which is understandable. This really sucks!!! I have lost everything since I became disabled!!! Just when you think things can't get any worse.......

Hey. First, I'm sorry for the rough time you're having. I too get psychosis- last was a month ago. I've never been to the psych hospital though. When I get psychotic my pdoc looks at my meds and decides whether or not to up my dose of lithium or add an antipsychotic. Please call your pdoc. Hallucinations are t always scary but I do think they need seen too sooner than later as psychosis gets "more@ each time you have it. If they do put you on haldol, keep a close eye for side effects. I'm only saying this because Ntipsychotics give me side effects. :-). Hang in there and keep us updated.

Thanks Moose!! What kind of side effects did you have from Haldol. Is it something you can take as needed or do you have to take it daily?

I am not sure about Haldol. :-(. Ive never tHen that one. But I hVe taken 4 other atypicals. (haldol is a "typical")

There is no shame in admitting you have psychotic symptoms. The right meds will give you control over your life by giving you back all the energy you are using to fight the symptoms. Going back and forth about what's real and what isn't is exhausting.
I have taken Haldol, it's an inexpensive and useful med. Abilify is a new one especially for bipolar psychosis. I'm on Abilify now, and it has an additional anti-depressant effect. I take it daily.
All the anti-psychotics have similar side-effects that may require adjusting your dosage.

ffgal
Like wingin'it said, you shouldn't be embarrassed about your experiences, but I can understand how vulnerable you feel about other people not being able to relate or comprehend what you are going through.

I am trembling I am so mad & hurt right now. Just had a huge fight with my family. They want me gone & I have nowhere to go & no money. Alot of really harsh things were said, especially about all my medical conditions & bills, both physical & mental. They are having alot of problems w/ my brother too. So, do I quit treatment & just live on the streets? What do they expect me to do? I'm going to the bar n think....gonna try not to spend much of the very little amount of money i have. Just need to clear my head. The bartenders look out for me bc they know some of what I'm going through.

sorry you are having such a hard time, adjusting to coming home from an inpatient is always difficult. Sounds like your doing to right thing about talking it out with your T and pdoc. Dont worry about your friends. They will understand. Sometimes we just need our space. Don't get to carried away with "self medicating" with alcohol. Thats only going to make matters worse for you.

Haldol or zyprexia are great choices for the psychosis that can happen. Hopefully things will turn around for you. We all enjoy you here with us. Good and bad times. Hang in. Best wishes your way

Hi ffgal, I know what you mean about things being horribly embarassing to admit... I found it excructiating to admit I heard voices. Even more than visual hallucinations, voices were a sign I was completely over the edge. But you know, it's not the end of the world. There is one last thing that I'm humiliated by, to the extent that I won't admit it even now... but the point is, you don't have to admit everything at once, and you don't have to feel dreadful about your symptoms. You are you, not your voices, or anything else.

My whole body is trembling I am so mad & hurt right now. Just had a huge fight with my family. They were saying that they want me out of the house & I have nowhere to go & very very little money. Alot of really harsh things were said, especially about all my medical conditions & bills, both physical & mental, about how much of a burden I was. They are having alot of problems w/ my brother too. He has extremely serious drug use problems & refuses help & it's horrible watching him slowly kill himself every day. Was talking w/ parents about what to do for him to get him clean & healthy & somehow it turned into bash ffgal day. My brother has lost everything in the last 2 years, money, wife, 2 young daughters, job, home, etc. & is self medicating. I have lost it all too. Parents want to divorse now too bc of all the fighting. So, what to I do? If they decide I can stay for now, do I really wanna live with people who dont want me there? Between my brothers mental health & substance abuse issues, my physical & mental issues....all of which are very severe.....PLUS THEIR ISSUES, they are burnt out & sick of having to stress & deal with it all. They feel that they've raised us already & can't do it forever. With my RSD, I can't physically or financially moved out. I used to live with my ex-boyfriend & he was my caregiver. Mom would come help some too, but he daily helped me bathe, prepare meals, did laundry & clean the house, etc. I took him & how much he used to do for me, for granted. Guess that's why he cheated, then broke up with me after 12 years, & put my dog to sleep & lied about it. My ex said he wanted me to move out because I was too sick, physically & mental for him to handle & live a happy life. So, we broke up. Now, it seems like my parents are at that same point with me. They are the ones doing all that for me now. I am so worthless & a burden to everyone around me. My friends have been wondering what is going on because I am isolating very bad & cant be around or talk to people right now. My mind is way too screwed up right now. I wouldn't even know where to start if I tried to open up & talk to someone. There are so many parts of my life that are all crumbling at once. I dont handle stress well & my mental health is extremely poor now. Really could have done with out this new psych issue of hearing noises & voices. I've lost it & am worthless. I am nothing but a burden. I don't wanna be around anyone because I having nothing to give & they don't want to hear all my drama. Also, I'm way too embarrased about all that is going on, especially the hallucinations. Sorry, I was venting!