[squirmy001]

yesterday i was trying to stay busy working on my boat i mean just piddleing and out of the blue i kept getting these notion you might say of ending it all no plans almost like fleeting thoughts and thats when i decided to tell my god like shrink to change my lexapro to possibly effexor i've tried all the rest

[nerb]

I have this issue all the time. When I start thinking that suicide may be the answer, I try to distract myself. When I can't do that, I make a phone call to my therapist, sometimes just telling him what is going on, is enough, other times it is what he says back to me that helps. This usually is an indication, for me at least, that I have too much on my plate, and I need to focus on one thing at a time for a while...like if I am at home, I have to do everything in my power to focus on home, not on work. It is hard. I don't know who came up with the expression "oned day at a time" but for me it is one second at a time sometimes.

[Anneinside]

Fleeting suicidal thoughts come to me even when I am stable. I push them away and ignore them. Much harder to do when depressed.

[Tsunamisurfer]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

Fleeting suicidal thoughts come to me even when I am stable. I push them away and ignore them. Much harder to do when depressed.

They seem to make their strongest and most persuasive case when depressed, but I find that now after 30 years of being bipolar, the obstacles have been getting increasingly severe, and the hopelessness pervades even my manic states. It manifests in wild reckless couldn't care less attitudes.

[sugahorse1]

I battle with this a when depressed. My pdoc put me on to Wellbutrin, and they've stopped. Or if they pop up, it's very superficial and I can push them away.

It's a good idea to speak to your T

[chilipop]

Heh. Before I was sick, I used to say that I was just too damn curious to consider suicide. I wanted to see how it all turned out.

As I've gotten older, lived more life and read more history books, how most of it is going to turn out has become less suspenseful.

Depression also has a way of gnawing down even the most virulent curiosity, just in case pain and disease's teeth get tired.

I get mad at myself because I'm way too self-absorbed and selfish and have such a neurotic fear of death and general not being comfortable with it at all to actually desire it.

Although because of my health situation, and the impact on my family, (who unlike me are unselfish and good people who never complain) intellectually I know that they would be better off if I didn't continue "lingering," emotionally, I still just don't want to die.

If I were living in bygone times in, like the Polar Nations, I would have been supposed to go out on the ice floe and spare my family the burden, and I bet I wouldn't do it. (One of the reasons I wasn't sure if I should put this here or in the "My Greatest Shame" thread).

And then there's the quality of life issue. Which I have no.right.at.all to complain about when I think about the horrific circumstances of people who are, in every way, better assets to their families, tribes, species, than I am, yet here I am, complaining about it on the very internets.

I complain about it to myself all the time. I try not to complain about it to other people, because there's nothing they can do about it, and if I'm talking to them even close to that level, they're already doing any and everything that they can do to make it as easy for me as they can - and at great personal cost and sacrifice to themselves. (I live in the US, where medical industry products and services are commercial commodities, so any kind of health situation is going to mean great personal cost and sacrifice to all but the wealthiest families, and we were poor to begin with).

So the upshot is that on top of all the other things I feel guilty about, I end up feeling guilty for my failure to come up with any suicidal ideation.

[BlackPup]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

Fleeting suicidal thoughts come to me even when I am stable. I push them away and ignore them. Much harder to do when depressed.

Much the same for me, Lithium helps heaps... now they are fleeting and not as often....

[DelusionsDaily]

fleeting suicidal ideation is not a worry to me they are pretty easy to push away. If I get concerned I talk to T and or Pdoc and have them help make decisions as to what needs to be done.

[thinker22]

I've been having such thoughts a lot even though my meds are keeping me stable. They always come when I am not doing or achieving some goal. So I try to stay busy. The thoughts usually go away and come back throughout the day. Can't stop them from coming but I do say to myself, "I would never do that," or "shut up and go away".

[Merlin]

I don't worry about fleeting thoughts, though I would rather not have them at all.

[vjdragonfly]

I find myself quite frequently having fleeting suicidal idealization. Luckily they are just passing and I really don't think much about it. When I'm depressed I think more on the how to's but I have too many in my life that would suffer from this. So I push it away and live the best way I know how.

[Confusedinomicon]

The thoughts come and pass. As long as you don't dwell on them and give them power you should be fine. n.n!

[LibraryWench]

Thanks for starting this thread. I've been dealing with the same thoughts lately. They are always the worst when I'm depressed. Nice to know there are a lot of you in the boat with me and I'm not as strange or alone as I think.

[Trying & Caring]

TRIGGER ALERT--SORRY CAN'T FIND THE TRIGGER SIGNAL. Haven't been here for a long time!

VERY common w/people w/mental illness. I've "been" bipolar for 25 year (dxed then) but suffered for about 20 years before without proper dx (57 now). I found Dialectical Behavioral Therapy & individual therapy have been crucial for me to help dispel & lessen the suicidal ideation. When it turns severe, though, I do call my pdoc & sometimes have to increase medications or add Wellbutrin which has worked before.

Learning coping tools that will help you on a day-to-day basis are essential. Look into classes at NAMI or DBSA (like WRAP or IMR). They also offer support groups & classes for family members (NAMI's Family-to-Family is excellent).

I have the suicide prevention # handy & have called them when needed.

My mother (dxed as schizo affective) committed suicide & I've had several attempts, but I've learned how to get through them even if I have to white-knuckle it.

[sugahorse1]

I landed in hospital after an attempt, which made me start therapy. It didn't help at the time, and I couldn't connect. A year later, I realised I needed a T, as the depression was getting a hold.
Now, when the thoughts popped up, I knew to phone her, or speak to a good friend of mine. Or take a sleeping aid -only as much as prescribed-and sleep it off. See if it lifts

[buttrfli42481]

I have dealt with these types of thoughts more than I would like to. This last time, my T told me that either I take myself in or she would call someone who would, meaning the cops. Eventhough I knew they wouldn't keep me because I didn't have a plan. I have a hard time pushing them away, sometimes it seems like nothing I do can make them go away. When I get to that point, it can become a safety risk, because that is when I start going into making a plan. Since this last time, I had been attempting to deal with them for a few days, worried my T. That is why she said what she did about the cops. I know that she would have called them because she has done it before. I try to stay busy to keep my mind off those thoughts, for it is when I am not doing anything that I really hear them loud and clear.