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#1
Apr 15, 2011, 09:28 AM
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Is it so wrong to want some happiness in my life, after struggling with crippling depressions over 3 years? Even if this happiness comes at a price...where I may go into a mania?
I've jokingly told my doctor that "I could really go for a manic episode right now", even though I know it gets awful really quickly. At least, if I were manic, I'd be energetic and happy, even I was also delusional and having hallucinations. My Zoloft was just increased from 50mg to 100mg today. I'm just really hoping for some happiness. I don't really remember what it's like to be genuinely happy, without the mania coming shortly afterwards. I guess...I just want to feel normal, balanced. Can anyone relate to this? |
 destructivetaste, tattoogirl33
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#2
Apr 15, 2011, 10:14 AM
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(((((Melissa))))). The trouble with aiming too high in Bipolar is you end right back where you are, with a whole lot of extra baggage to curse your misery. Resist the urge. I hope your meds put you right where you need to be - happy, not out of the park.
Yes, I can relate to this. I was so miserable that I took Citalopram and it shot me into such a wild state - but it cost me. I didn't achieve "balanced". I'm still paying for it with an episode that won't respond to treatment.
__________________
Life is like a storm with millions of eyes. So deceptive.
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#3
Apr 15, 2011, 02:32 PM
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I totally relate after two years of my own. I just cling to the good days now. The doc keeps saying the meds will help. I am hanging on to that. I hope it gets better for you very soon. You deserve a break.
__________________
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#4
Apr 15, 2011, 03:21 PM
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I know EXACTLY how you feel. Just recently I was feeling SOOOO GOOD, better than I had in years....and then they deemed me hypomanic, tweaked my meds, and I became an emotionless zombie.
I hate it.
__________________
**Rose** |
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#5
Apr 15, 2011, 04:32 PM
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I understand the temptation of triggering a hypo-mania. I never did stop taking my mood stabilizer and continue the anti-depressant, but I really wanted to. I have finally found the med that provides me the long sought out stability, though I doubt I will ever be normal.
__________________
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
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#6
Apr 15, 2011, 08:31 PM
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Yes i know just how you feel..Now days if i get afew good days where my head is clear and the happiness feels sooooo Good! I just thank God .And pray for more ahead.. Cause it's hard to find that right place anymore..Seems like you struggle and seem to get no where..I'm in the process of finding a new T and a new P..Hopefully i will find balance..Like what Merlin said here ..I doubt i will ever feel normal.But you know what ?I'll never give up hope. No matter what i will push on and always keep my faith.I hope soon that you find your balance and feel the Happiness you so deserve.
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#7
Apr 15, 2011, 09:37 PM
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No it is not wrong to want happiness but it is not good to get it with mania. For the past three months has been the most happy I have been in the past 10 years. I hope you are able to feel some happiness soon. Take care and hope the med adjustments help.
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#8
Apr 15, 2011, 10:10 PM
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i can sooo relate. you want a change. you want to be happy again. hang in there!
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#9
Apr 16, 2011, 02:32 PM
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I know exactly how you feel. I don't know how many times I wished to be manic, just to feel full of life again. I get so tired of just existing, always teetering on the edge of depression. I get tired of having no life, no motivation, and no desire to do anything about it. So yeah, I can totally relate.
I really hope you find your happiness soon.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss |
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#10
Apr 17, 2011, 09:05 AM
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You do deserve to be happy, and it will come around again soon. Please try not take your meds in a way other than prescribed. If it doesn't work, you need to talk to your pdoc.
__________________
"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller" Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn |
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#11
Apr 17, 2011, 12:17 PM
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Yes, yes I can relate. All too well. The only thing I've ever known since being a small child is a deep, deep state of depression. With me, my bipolar only brings the deep depression and cycling rage/agitation accompanying that depression. You are not alone, I wish I had some advice but sadly I do not.
Yes, you deserve to be happy and I hope one day you do find that happiness. I seek that as well...all I want is peace of mind from the demons in my head and to finally find true, real happiness. Good luck to you! -Jess
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"Trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs. There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb. Try to hold this under control, they can't help me cause no one knows" - 3 doors down "changes" |
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