[Tattooed79]

3 year relationship just ended and now I can't seem to pull it together I'm pushing self destruct on a grand scale yet either can't or don't want to stop it. I've been on a binge for pretty much 3 weeks now I've slept with numerous women, spent 4 - 5 days on cocaine and alcohol binges and spent over 4 grand yet still I don't care, I took holiday from work unauthorized and I spend most days looking for a reason to implode, I want to hurt others, I want hurt myself, I hate this life, this utter freefall ... yet it'll turn and then I'll be able to conquer the world, It's ironic the illness is almost an addiction itself I've tried to reach out but it's he same patronizing "advice" yet if I don't do the simple things I'll continue to be consumed. I wish I didn't know I'm deteriorating, but I do. I wish I could say I am a good bloke and it wasn't meant to be, but I'm not. Volatile is the closet thing I can get to that describes how I feel, teetering on the edge, every single day. What hurts is I try so hard ..too hard.. I focus so much and analyze everything that I become paranoid and create delusional worlds and events that aren't rational never mind real.. Yet here I am reflecting on the sheer twisted irony that the only person that can help me, that can take the steps to do it continues to refuse too, why? because I deserve this, I play with peoples emotions, their feelings, I manipulate, I control .. I do it with such subtlety that I can make a person feel they are in the wrong with the simplest of suggestion. I deserve to see what I had and what I've lost.

[Trippin2.0]

You're worthy of happiness and love. D0n't ever believe otherwise. So what if you're n0t perfect? Who is? Doesn't mean we d0n't deserve to be loved. I kn0w what it's like to m0urne the end of a long relati0nship, I know how self-destructive one can feel,please,please try,just try to hold on. Speak to someone,if you're on meds,see your pdoc about a tweak, please d0n't give up,d0n't let go of the reigns, you can do this. Feel free to PM me if you need to. I'll be keeping you in prayer. XOXO

[bipolardestroyer]

Damn bro ive went thru the same **** and just yesterday I was supposed to be divorcing my wife.. I mean her divorcing me lol I ruined a great relationship thankfully we are trying to make it work but im still a step away from divorce. Im always a step away from ****ing everything up like u I rapid cycle make up dellusions hallucinate paranoia haunts me. My meds only do so much but bro ive been in your shoes and still am but today I have to say bipolar will always haunt me but I cant let it ruin my life! Ive done everything you say u do and then some. I want to punch people just to do it or spit on them for no reason then it passes and I forget all about it. Until five minutes later someone tells me im wrong then I flip out in rage and say hurtful terrible things! Nobody understands you like you same for me answers are there we just have to not give up! My whole marriage has suffered because of bpd I cant let it **** anything else up anymore! Neither should you! You gotta pick yourself up and sort through your brain if you rapid cycle there r meds for that it hasnt made mine go away just helps! I wont pray for you repectfully im not religious but sympathize with you ive been there hell im still there my wife hates the bipolar part of me as do you but there is a true you that needs to emerge and take contro
! Im sick of rapid cycling dellusions paranoia! But its reality and youll see your way through it as will I! Hang in there man!!!

[sugahorse1]

(((Everyone))) this is not an easy illness. It is painful and can rip the things we hold dearest straight out of our hands. We need to dig deep and find that inner strength that exists in all of us