[sunshine285]

I'll be graduating soon with an education degree and am planning to teach at colleges or universities. I'm in my early 30s, spent the last two years in grad school and doing some tutoring to get some teaching experience. I also spent most of the first year recovering from my first acute BP episode (I have BP Type I) and slowly began recreating a new life for myself.

Now that I'm applying for teaching positions, I have this fear that I won't be able to cope with a full-time job and moving away to the city (moved back in with the parents after I got sick). My parents doubt it and so does my pdoc...and I'm feeling frustrated about that. They think I should try and get a part-time job and commute until I can afford my own place.

At the same time, I do have family and friends nearby for support and I'm happy with my pdoc here, public healthcare is affordable where I live now. Its just that I feel so "out of touch" right now with the working world and I'm afraid of fossilizing. How do I know if I have the right coping skills to return to work full-time?

[Direction]

Recognizing that small steps right now may be a good idea will help keep your coping skills sufficient...

From your post I get the impression that you would need to relocate? This would remove direct day-to-day support from family, friends, pdoc. Put you in a position of moving, finding new housing, getting use to a new city...at the same time you start a new job...

I would think that might be a lot of new stuff to try to handle...

[madisgram]

i did almost exactly what you plan to do. the only difference however was i worked part time at first to get my feet wet. turns out my committing to the part time job was more stressful for me but did prepare me so i could return to my career with the kinks worked out.
once we do the things to help fix us i believe it's a good thing to return to the "world."

Originally Posted by sunshine285

I'll be graduating soon with an education degree and am planning to teach at colleges or universities. I'm in my early 30s, spent the last two years in grad school and doing some tutoring to get some teaching experience. I also spent most of the first year recovering from my first acute BP episode (I have BP Type I) and slowly began recreating a new life for myself.

Now that I'm applying for teaching positions, I have this fear that I won't be able to cope with a full-time job and moving away to the city (moved back in with the parents after I got sick). My parents doubt it and so does my pdoc...and I'm feeling frustrated about that. They think I should try and get a part-time job and commute until I can afford my own place.

At the same time, I do have family and friends nearby for support and I'm happy with my pdoc here, public healthcare is affordable where I live now. Its just that I feel so "out of touch" right now with the working world and I'm afraid of fossilizing. How do I know if I have the right coping skills to return to work full-time?

Working full time and living on your own are kind of 2 separate battles for coping skills.

It's one thing to be successful working full time when you are coming home to your parents' home and not having to worry about bills/responsibilities so much.
Once you add living on your own into it, it adds another level of coping and dealing with the reality of day to day life.

In my experience of returning to work after an acute episode, I went back to work part time first...this was at my pdoc, T and my boss's insistence that I be comfortable with going back to work. I kept trying to stay late and my boss would come and tell me to leave. i did this for about 8 weeks.

Take your time and do things the right way now, so that you can lessen the chances of backsliding later....even if it's 3 months of part time and living at home, just to get your feet wet and going to work, then you can do more....in my opinion it will be totally worth it.

[sunshine285]

Hi all,

Thanks for caring and the helpful advice. I can see now that I'm aiming for too much too soon. It's still difficult for me to accept the limitations that bipolarity causes, although I was officially diagnosed about six months ago. It helps that I have the support of my parents and the few friends who do know about my illness. I'll reorganise my job search plans...a part-time opportunity may be just what I need now to boost my confidence and get me started on my goals.

Thanks again and all the best to you all

[Polly23]

Honestly sunshine...I think as long as you have good support around you, and you are on the right meds, you can do anything!!! I am 42 and have just been diagnosed last fall, but have been bipolar for many years (undx) I returned to school at 30 and got my degree and have been through a few positions at work to find the right fit for me, but I am in a great one now and have learned through all of my experiences. Also, I'm a mother of 3 and although at this time I have just decided to take some time off work, bc my meds aren't optimal, I know I will be back and functioning well soon. You have to live your life, your pdoc and parents are just concerned. Please keep an open communication with them and all of your friends that know..ok??

[sunshine285]

Polly,

What you said is of such comfort to me... I have very supportive parents and the friends that do know have been supportive so far...I'm still a bit sensitive about it all, even after telling three close friends (and amazingly, they are still around!), I'm afraid they will use my illness against me...how weird is that! I need to work on being more grateful of the support I do have in my life. I thought that with time it would be easier, but I find it even harder to trust after my diagnosis. Once friends know your "weakness", how do you know they won't exploit it or treat you differently? It's just a feeling I've been having lately about two of my friends who do know...they say they'll support me but I've been getting different vibes lately, and some criticism that I'm not handling my illness better. It's starting to make me think that I made a huge mistake in telling them. I've been disappointed before by friends who saw what I was like in my first major episode and all but disappeared.

I'm dealing with this alongside managing my illness and working on graduating with decent grades because well, I'd like to get as well as you are. And as strong and brave as you are too, it's a great thing to have survived being undiagnosed for so long I myself only got diagnosed when I was 30.

Because right now I don't feel brave, I feel exposed and misunderstood. I don't ask for much, just a chance at having a new career and life, with friends who accept me.

Any further words of advice would be much welcome.

Take care and god bless,
Sunshine

Sunshine,

All you can do is your best.
your friends might be worried about you, or just not be sure how to act. Or not know exactly how fast you are supposed to get better. maybe they need to be better educated? Or maybe you need better friends....spend time with the people you know you can count on - it's better to have a few good friends than a lot of crappy ones.
Take care of yourself, get those good grades and graduate and take each step as it comes.
Are there any BiPolar support groups in your area where maybe you could meet other people who would understand what you're going through? That might help a lot.

[sunshine285]

Hi moonbeam,

Thanks for the kind words. I was in a slightly elevated mood when I posted last night so many things were rushing through my head and they all came out with a 'whoosh' on this page

The two friends I'm talking about are not outwardly rejecting me but the signs are there and from what they say and their facial expressions I sense an impatience that I don't have better control over my mind...it makes me uncomfortable and doesn't exactly make me feel good about myself when I'm with them. But my other friend whom does know (she's a childhood friend and has known me far longer than the other two), she has a loved one with a mental illness and always encourages me.

But even she doesn't really understand my ups and downs, and yes, it would be better for me to join a support group. There isn't one in my town but there is one in another town and I've decided to sign up for that. Thanks for the encouragement, will let you know how the support group meeting turns out.

Take care
Sunshine

[Moose2]

I can see your frustration, but I think your doc is right. You have to take one step at a time-see what you can handle and what could be a potential trigger for stress. My boyfriend recently got a new job and we've been trying to save money for a house and a wedding and it has definitely triggered some BP issues with him. We came to the conclusion that until he reaches a stable point with his meds and his health (mental and physical), that stuff can stay on the back burner. You want to be able to enjoy your job and the freedom of your own space, so take it easy until you know your limits. Good luck!