[allme]

Do you ever feel stupid about your behaviour after a high? A few days ago I was on a bit of a high bender, and I cringe remembering conversations with friends and feel so stupid and foolish for acting like such a hyper twat. Yes it feels great at the time, I mean, it's like I will never come down and in my mind, I have mastered my emotions and seen the light. WHEN will I ever learn I was with a couple of friends, I said something, cant really remember what, but I caught one of them rolling their eyes at me

I think my friends must just tolerate me ....and I am sure they think i am a bit of a freak. Maybe thats why they keep me around....for sheer entertainment, someone to laugh at and then talk about when gone. I hate them all.

[bigmamababs]

i have lost almost all my friends over these diseases. if they can't love you for who u r then the hell with them. you need people who care about you around you. (((allofme))) hang in there.

[noneedtoknow]

"If you can't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" Marylin Monroe.
I understand. I have definetly cringed at some of the things I have done/said. Forgive yourself

[venusss]

I kinda learned to control it, the worst and damaging aspects of it... and those who love me love my hyper, because it's silly but cute and entertaiming. Yes, I shocked *new* people by suddenly speaking Russian... but guess what? Their problem. I am not doing anything bad.

I am not looking for friends to put up with me and my ****, but I don't want boring people in my life. I want people who can be silent with, or people I can be spontageous with.

[William Werner]

We have all done things we wish we had not. Agree with bigmamababs 100%.

[mgran]

Oh boy, have I done stupid things while hyper. Told the tutor at university who was to write my reference for further academic studies that I'd seen the devil playing violin outside the covered market. As you can imagine, that was my academic career shot down in flames. If you look at the thread about embarassing things we've done while hyper you'll see that I have a LOT to be ashamed of. I do mean a LOT. But who cares, in the end. I'm sure that your friends don't just keep you round for comedy value... that feeling is the fruit of embarassment, not truth.

Give yourself time to level. You went a bit high, now you're a bit low... it will level out.

At least you never took out a loan you could never repay and spent it all on travelling round Europe with your son, culminating in a trip to Africa. At least he got some great memories out of it... but wow, my family will never let me forget it, and 3 years later I'm still struggling to get my finances back in order..

[jack123]

I have done so many things that I shouldn't have and I just have had to let it go and keep going. You have to or it will drive you nuts.

[mgran]

Some of the stupid things I did actually led to good results. My second husband was really alarmed when I threw myself at him on our first date... but given how shy he was, it turned out to be a good thing. He got over the shock, and learned to enjoy my manic sexual highs. lol

[Direction]

Originally Posted by allme

Do you ever feel stupid about your behaviour after a high?

Yep...unfortunately sometimes it take awhile before the feeling actually kicks in...may take a month or more...

[mgran]

I just found a link I thought might help you. http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=184085 This is a thread that was posted in the bipolar forum, about silly things that we've done while manic. Everything posted in this thread would have been excrutiatingly embarassing at the time, or shortly after, but we can laugh about it now. I've posted a fair few embarassing moments in there. One I didn't post was being caught behind the book stacks in a college library at Oxford when I was supposed to be inputting data into the dewey decimal system. I've said and done such embarassing things that I've got used to...well, not making a fool of myself, but of not being ashamed of myself. Okay, so I went into a McDonald's restaurant dressed as a dalek from Dr Who, and got arrested for shooting fire extinguishers at the security guards. Okay, so I accidentally cut my long tresses so short you could see my scalp.

Embarassing things happen to everybody. It's part of life. At least yours will be interesting... give yourself time to stop feeling embarassed, then things will be much easier.

[palemoss]

YES. gosh, i cringe at my behavior when i was manic. the dumbest things i would do...cannot even begin to tell you. i have lost some friends from the angry outbursts but after 4 years of being a mean manic, i've transformed into a hot mess manic - so my friends kinda enjoy it, theyre all a bit crazy too.

you just need to laugh it off. i mean, i'm sure alot of the crazy funny things we hear in the media is a result of some mania on the person's behalf. bipolar isn't a unique thing, alot of people have it..

[palemoss]

the weird thing is, is that the embarrassment and self loathing can take on ptsd like symptoms. that's when you really have to tell yourself that it was okay and that you are really not like that, don't think the crazy things you do is all your fault.

[wing]

Can totally relate...friends are tough to keep.

[mgran]

Palemoss makes a really great point... yes, the aftermath of a mania can often include PTSD type symptoms. For example, if you went through a phase when you picked fights with everyone and kept getting arrested, you can really feel not just shame but suffer flashbacks when, for example, you see a police car whizz past flashing blue lights. And then another problem can arise when, in your efforts not to go "bonkers" again you overly ritualise your behaviour, developing OCD type mannerisms to prevent you from going off at the deep end.

There's a lot to work through, but the best place to start is by forgiving yourself. Most of what traumatises you is a result of the illness. You wouldn't blame a diabetic for having a hypoglycaemic fit... and much of what is done in those states can be very similar to a bipolar high or mixed state. If you can forgive a diabetic, you can surely forgive yourself when your illness causes you to behave in similarly chaotic ways.

[BlackPup]

Originally Posted by mgran

Palemoss makes a really great point... yes, the aftermath of a mania can often include PTSD type symptoms. For example, if you went through a phase when you picked fights with everyone and kept getting arrested, you can really feel not just shame but suffer flashbacks when, for example, you see a police car whizz past flashing blue lights. And then another problem can arise when, in your efforts not to go "bonkers" again you overly ritualise your behaviour, developing OCD type mannerisms to prevent you from going off at the deep end.

There's a lot to work through, but the best place to start is by forgiving yourself. Most of what traumatises you is a result of the illness. You wouldn't blame a diabetic for having a hypoglycaemic fit... and much of what is done in those states can be very similar to a bipolar high or mixed state. If you can forgive a diabetic, you can surely forgive yourself when your illness causes you to behave in similarly chaotic ways.

great point.... the way society reacts to mental illness exacerbates the effects of the MI....

Usually after a high I will cringe over a few conversations but cos I'm medicated, I'm not too bad.... Before I was medicated.... I still carry trauma from what I did... it has taken a long time to come to some form of acceptance over it all