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#1
May 21, 2011, 03:18 PM
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I am down. Really down. I don't care about life anymore. I just don't care about my job or anything. I have been drinking and misusing meds. I know - stupid. But I have to find relief somewhere or I won't be able to contain myself. I don't know what happened, probably too much stress from work. A switch just flipped and I am back down here again. I need help, I know. I am seeing pdoc on Mon and T on Tues. But I really think I need a little more support, maybe twice a week or something. Idk. This just plain sucks.
 
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV   I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#2
May 21, 2011, 03:40 PM
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((((((((lauru))))))
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 Lauru
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#3
May 21, 2011, 05:54 PM
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I hope T and pdoc can provide you the extra support you need. If you need support this weekend, you could call a hotline. Take care of yourself
__________________
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
| Lauru
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#4
May 22, 2011, 02:45 AM
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Awww Lauru!
Was there so recently... Know that I am thinking of you... (Still loving your bipolar bears!  )
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| Lauru
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#5
May 22, 2011, 03:02 PM
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I am having my mom come over today so I don't drink and abuse meds. She will be here in about a half hour. Right now I really wish she wasn't coming so I could do just that. The drinking and abusing meds is looking pretty good right about now. This just sucks.
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#6
May 22, 2011, 07:24 PM
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You are doing the right thing by having your mom come over.
I hope you feel better soon. |
| Lauru
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#7
May 22, 2011, 07:32 PM
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hey hun, hang in there, I am right there with you on the feeling down :'( i am glad your mum is with you. You will get through this :-)
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| Lauru
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#8
May 22, 2011, 07:58 PM
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Thanks all for the kind words. My mom came over and I didn't do anything foolish. Although I am craving it more than ever now. Thinking about when the next time I can do it is. Sick and twisted I know. But that is just where my mind is at.
for all you kind people
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#9
May 23, 2011, 04:23 AM
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(((((Lauru)))))
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| Lauru
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#10
May 23, 2011, 04:59 AM
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 LIke big waves those feelings come...but they do pass. It's really good to hear that you are able to identify what might help right now - hope yor PDoc and T hear this - keep us posted.
__________________
Soup |
| Lauru
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#11
May 23, 2011, 05:10 AM
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You're doing great keeping the pieces together. This is a tough spot you're in, but I'm sure your pdoc and T will be able to help you through this. It's just an episode; it will get better
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| Lauru
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#12
May 23, 2011, 11:19 PM
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I saw pdoc today, little tweak in my meds. The pdoc mentioned that I am treatment resistant, meaning that meds don't work for me for very long and then they have to change. Also that I have to take a lot of meds at high doses. This will never get better. It will always keep coming back. I am so down right now. And I will always have this. I get sick every 6mo to 18mo. It's not fair, and I am bitter, and I feel like a small child stamping her foot. But I just am so angry at myself, at fate, at whatever... I don't want to be sick. Especially not over and over again. There is no hope, nothing good will last. But the bad will come back like clockwork. I really can't stand this anymore.
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#13
May 23, 2011, 11:42 PM
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Lauru!!! As always, I am thinking of you... we're all on this ride together one way or another. It is hard. There's no denying that. But you are not alone.
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| Lauru
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#14
May 24, 2011, 12:31 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#15
May 24, 2011, 08:27 AM
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they will pass, hold on tight it will get better again you are more than what the thoughts tell you - you are valueable
__________________
I can do all things through him who gives me strength
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| Lauru
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#16
May 24, 2011, 11:33 PM
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I spent my entire therapy hour today talking about how I can't go on. How I cannot live a life like mine. I feel so bad, the wave of feeling is sweeping me out to sea, and I don't swim very well. I don't want my life. It's not worth it. The recurring depression with the bipolar is just not worth it. I rarely have mania or even hypomania due to my meds. But the d*mn depression keeps coming back no matter what. Everyone has a choice. I don't think I can go on anymore. I just want to shut completely down and sleep.
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#17
May 25, 2011, 04:49 AM
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sorry that you are feeling like this. remember the depression does go away... it always feels worse after a hard T session.... lots of please hang on....
__________________
I can do all things through him who gives me strength
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| Lauru
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#18
May 25, 2011, 05:13 AM
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too have been there, and can promise it always looks 10 times worse while you're in iy. This phased will pass and you'll find joy and happiness again. Please keep safe- I'm worried about you. Pls promise to phone someone if you need to (T, friend, mom..) Or even go to the hospital. It will pass and just know that you are worth more than you are giving yourself credit for right now
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| Lauru
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#19
May 25, 2011, 06:49 AM
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Hold on tight, Lauru.
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| Lauru
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#20
May 25, 2011, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ---Robert Frost |
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#21
May 25, 2011, 06:04 PM
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We're all here for you.
__________________
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
| Lauru
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