[Dolfin]

Am I the only one whose family just DOESN'T GET IT???

I had Thanksgiving dinner with my father's side of the family on Sunday, and once again, I was the black sheep. The only people who talked to me were my Poppa, my Granny, my brother, my cousin and her husband, and my aunt and uncle; the only people who understand my bi-polar. My uncle is only 4 years older than me, so we are very close. He has tried to explain it to his brothers, and my uncle and his wife seemed warmer toward me than in past social gatherings. But my father just tells him "It's just another card she's playing."

How can I make them understand? Just because I take medication everyday for an emotional disorder doesn't mean I'm any different than them! My brother even commented on how far I've come along since my 'meltdown' in March. My aunt and uncle have been by my side every step of the way. In fact, my uncle has seen me at my worst - rock bottom after a 4 month mania - and has watched me rise to where I am today, gainfully employed full-time at a job I absolutely love, but most of all HAPPY AND BALANCED.

My father and I have been on bad terms for 17 years, but not for lack of trying on my part. Any effort I made just wasn't good enough for him, so I gave up. I've done my best. He's the parent, let him come to me. I'm sick of chasing after him. I have nothing to make up for; he's the one who abandoned his family when I was 13.

I guess I just don't understand how people can treat their own flesh and blood so poorly. I could see if I was in and out of jail, or had a drug addiction and was constantly trying to sponge off of them, but I'm not and I don't. In fact, it was all I could do to ask to borrow $20 from my Mom until I got paid on Wednesday (due to an unforeseen trip to the doggie ER). All I ask of them is to treat me like any other person, like I don't have this condition.

AM I ASKING TOO MUCH? I'm the same girl I was before my bi-polar came out, just a bit older, and more grounded than I have been over the last decade (the length of time it took them to properly diagnose me). I just want to be able to enjoy my time with my family again, and not worry about why they are being so frigid toward me.

Dolfin

[sharita]

I absolutely understand sadly my family is the same way so I avoid them at all cost. Although I couldn't do that this year because my mother decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the family so I spent the time in my room. They are now after 5 years starting to notice that I avoid them and ask me to come around but it just isn't worth my time. I really do hope things get better for you, hopefully they'll all realize, not just a handful, that it's your illness not you, and that you are trying. We all have rough times in life and if we were judged by them we'll all be in deep s**t.

[JustBen]

Holidays with the family are usually tough. I think some people are just determined to make them hell...if it wasn't your diagnosis, they'd start arguing politics or bring up a sore family subject.

i'd say that you're among the minority when it comes to that many family members who understand and support you. i certainly don't have that many in my family....most all of mine think mental illness has to be hidden away in a closet.....i'm sorry that your father is being an ***. my daughters deal with a dad just like that...xoxoxo pat

[Dolfin]

Well, to me that's not a whole lot who understand considering my Mom's side of the family refuses to acknowledge my existence, except for when my two baby cousins can sneak over to visit (they've been threatened with having their cars taken away if they are caught at my house). Combined, my parents have 10 siblings, not counting them. So, that is just a spit in the bucket as far as having "familial support" about my bi-polar.

And as far as my father, like I said before, I'm done trying. He can come to me, and if he doesn't, then it's his loss. I'm not going to make the same choice my younger brother did and allow him back in my life when I have a family of my own. All the man has ever done throughout our entire lives is degrade us and make us feel like lesser human beings. I don't understand my brother's thinking that his kid's need to know about their entire family. To me, that's an influence my niece and nephew don't need. I guarantee my children will not know a thing about my father until HE admits to me that he is a screw-up and that he treated us poorly. He has to prove himself to me. And for 17 years, all he's shown me is his *****.

It just makes the holiday's that much more stressful, knowing your family thinks of you as the circus freak behind your back. I've always been the type to tell someone how I feel about them to their face, not talk about them behind their back and act like I like them face-to-face. I'd rather be loved for who I am, than hated for who I'm not; that's something my new boyfriend has help me realize. Unfortunately, he has family obligations the same night of my family's gathering, so he won't be with me to "weather the storm". But, I'll be at his house afterwards, probably bawling my eyes out on Christmas Eve about how awful they all made me feel.

I'm not saying this to be a dooms-dayer...this has been the routine for about 6 years now, since my Gramma got really sick just before passing away. I guess you could say she was my protector, even before the doc's knew it was bi-polar. Now that protection is gone, and Christmas makes me feel more vulnerable than ever.

I don't know where all that came from, but it feels better just getting it off my chest. I could continue on, but I don't feel like crying tonight.

Dolfin

i'm sorry that your grandmother isn't with you in person, but you know what...her spirit is there. and her spirit can get you through the gathering with your family. think of her love and surround yourself in a cocoon of it and just go on and lean into the pain and get through it. xoxoxo pat

[SilkySpeed7]

I agree. I hate the holidays