[Merlin]

Hi,

I'm kinda scarce around the forums but hang out a ton in chat. So you may or may not recognize me.

I was very recently diagnosed with bipolar, though my pdoc did not mention a specific category of it. I was originally Major Depressive Disorder recurrent, but after I finally broke down and agreed to give anti-depressants a try, I was faced with an unexpected reaction. At first the celexa worked better than ok: I had energy, drive, and wonderful plans. I think in retrospect, I was a little hypo manic. However in late Sept, one and a half months after started the celexa I crashed. I may share that story later, but it's not too important for what I'm trying to get across. I had a small depressive period then and my pdoc upped my meds from 20 to 30mg. I felt great again for a week and a half, maybe two, but then fell back into depression, and up the meds go to 40mg.

That dosage made it obvious what the anti-depressant was doing, it would send me up and then bring me down. I started to cycle every day or so. I complained to my support group and they said to call my pdoc about it. So I did. We talked for a bit on Monday evening and he said I was probably bipolar. I had read up on my difficulties to that made total sense to me. He said to call him back Wednesday and he would prescribe me a mood stabilizer. My time till Weds was not smooth though.

I tend to think about suicide a lot in my depressive states and late Monday, I entered fast and hard into one. I went upstairs intending to stab myself with a large kitchen knife but couldn't do it, fortunately. However I decided that I didn't want to take care of myself anymore, so I would just stop eating and drinking till I died or was hospitalized. I fell asleep early the next morning (4 or 5) and woke up at 2 pm. My parents have been really concerned about my behavior lately, completely understandably. They set up a family meeting, trying to get me to commit to taking care of myself, and of doing things to help my mood, like exercise, going to classes regularly and others.

I reacted horribly. I basically said "I don't want to get better, I want to die." My parent said they wouldn't watch me slowly kill myself and my mom said if I was going to she wanted me out of the house. I left right then, in the middle of the conversation. My mom later followed me, though I believe they expected me to come back. She said you can spend the night at home decide what you want to do and then move out tomorrow if you are just gonna starve yourself. I came out of the depression Tuesday night, and everything I'd done seemed so irrational.

I called my pdoc on Weds, but didn't talk to him till yesterday. I got to school yesterday, and I even finish an important paper, but I also got my prescription filled. I am taking 250mg of epival (call depakote in the US) twice a day, and I really hope it stabilizes me in a good frame of mind, like the one I am in now.

That's my little diagnosis story, I'll probably try to hang around here and post more.

L&D,
Laura

L & D,

Your post really touched me.

My heart goes out to you.

You are in my thoughts.

Peace,

Petunia

[Merlin]

Petunia thank you,

Sometimes it's nice to touch people but sometimes that just means that they've been through the same horrible things as you, and that's really sad.

I'm a floored by the support I've gotten here, by you and others, and it means so much to me.

Thank you again,
Laura

[bipolar_bear]

L&D I am sorry that you had to go through such a hard time prior to being diagnosed bipolar. It can be such a hard illness to diagnose. I hope your new meds make your life much better. Take care of yourself and welcome to this forum.

[Merlin]

My pdoc said to me the other day that a least we had a better understanding of my condition. It wasn't the right time to think about it, but knowing is good.

Thanks for the welcome bipolar_bear

Take care,

L&D

[Azalysa]

{{{{{L&D}}}}}

Nice to meet you!!!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I was very recently diagnosed with bipolar, though my pdoc did not mention a specific category of it. I was originally Major Depressive Disorder recurrent,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Wow! That is what happened to me as well. (I posted it somewhere on the forums under "Will the Real Diagnosis Please Stand Up."

I was under the impression I had Major Depression Recurrent as that was my original diagnosis. After a time of being on Zoloft and it not keeping my moods stable very long, my pdoc added Depakote and said "this will stabilize your moods and keep them from cycling so quickly."

I didn't hear ANYTHING in that about being rediagnosed as Bipolar PLUS I've never had a manic episode. That was like 12 years ago.

So fast forward to now, and turns out my pdoc knew I was Bipolar back then and for whatever reason I wasn't aware of it.

For some reason I was more "comfortable" with the Major Depression dx. But after my T. told me about hypomania as opposed to manic depressive I agree that I fit the Bipolar dx.

Good luck with the Depakote - I had a lot of success for many years with it - practically no cycling and feeling "normal."

Thank you for sharing with us.

[darkeyes]

Hi there, friends,
I just briefly read through this thread, this happens so often, first a gp or a pdoc may dx a person who has all the symptoms or part, as being "clinicall depressed", give out ant-depressants, but somewhere along the line, in a few months, even a couple of years, it "poops out" or just partly addresses(sp?) the problem. Further evaluation(s) result in another dx or dx's, and meds get switched or added on, mood stabilizers seem to make matters improve. . . this first dx turns out that the person was actually Bipolar, either Bipolar-I or II, BP-II, being the milder form, but wasn't noticed or picked up on due to the patient's depressed side being more outstanding, noticed by the average gp as depression. My first DX started as just "clinical depression", 2-3 yrs later after some stuff going on in my 3d I was DXed by a psychologist and pdoc as being Bipolar-II(mild) and ADD. Maybe I am not making any sense here, and I'm just rambling, the point I want to bring up to viewers, is do not just take a gp's dx, seek a mental health professional once any physical stuff is ruled out. I have had hypothyroidism for years, I knew it, all the symptoms, the whole 9 yards, but the test's "normal range" is much too broad, and so many people are under DXed and suffer, or is told, "I think you are suffering from depression", grrrrrrrrrr! This happened to me too, just 2 yrs ago when I was almost sleeping all day, did the tests show up that I indeed needed thyroid meds., they helped a lot for several of my physical complaints (even constipation,which I never had problems with) but sadly for years it was always sloughed off as me being "depressed", grrrr!! Sure, anyone feeling that miserable will become depressed. Okay I have taken too much of everyone's time here, but I want to stress, this whole DX of disorder(s) and proper dx can often take time, money, a toll on one's well being, etc. but never give up.
Good luck to y'all with this.
Take care now,
Rosanne

((((((((((((( everyone here )))))))))))))

[Azalysa]

<font class="small">Code:</font><hr /><pre>Okay I have taken too much of everyone's time here </pre><hr />

Never!!! {{{{{{{{{DE}}}}}}}} I always find your posts to be uplifting and very informative!

And this one is no different and sadly so true.

You can "take up" my time anyday!!!

[darkeyes]

Thanks so very much. When I add any info I have gathered or lived through, I try to share it with all here, either to help a person avoid things, that may be unpleasant, but at the same time share the positives,encourage others to keep with therapy,meds., and always be in touch with your pdoc. rather to discuss your medications and/or situations.
Never give up hope, even in our darkest moments, we may feel helpless and/or hopeless (I know from personal experience(s)) but there IS hope, there IS help, by staying compliant with treatment plan, and communication(s) all can go well.
Just patience, it sometimes can take awhile.

Love to you all,
Rosanne