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#1
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I was downsized in July 1, 2005. It took 2 years to get SSDI. Since then nothing has happen to help my bipolar. I have been from clinic to clinic, one drug after the other. When I finally found a med (symbyax), medicare would not pay for it. So I am back to taking meds that do nothing for my depression. Frankly I would truly love to have just one real manic episode, just to get out this depression for awhile. I think if I woke up happy it would scare the life out of me. I go from mild depression to suicidal and back to mild depression. At least living alone I don't affect anyone else with my moods. Medicare leaves a lot to be desired. I have run into the problem of find a Pdoc and Tdoc. Either they are not excepting new patients now or they don't want Medicare patients. Either way I am alone. So I stay in bed nothing to get up for. I am so tired of existing. Before I couldn't sleep now all I want to do is sleep. I have spent the last 6 years vegetating. So this is what being disabled means. Having no desire to do anything. I have had enough
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#2
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I'm sorry to hear this. I want to cry for you. I'll say a prayer, maybe some luck will come your way.
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#3
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im sorry to make you cry maybe I should delete this post
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#4
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No don't delete please. I'm so sorry you had this to cope with for so long. I spent years in severe depression, I thought that was it for me, forever. Finally something happened and I slowly came out of it. I don't normally pray, but I will be sending all my positive healing thoughts to you. I can understand your frustration with the medical system. I can relate to your having had enough of this illness. It can and does feel downright discouraging at times.
Be easy on yourself, you've been through so much with this. Things can happen an who knows why but when your not looking or least expecting change can happen even in the darkest hour. I'll be keeping that change in my thoughts for you. |
#5
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So sorry to hear about your problems....HUGS and hope you find something to help with buying a working medication or the one you think helps...its very frustrating
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#6
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Have you considered volunteer work, or even going to a church or social group? I bet it will be hard to do, but getting out and seeing that there are good people out there who care may help.
I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to feel alone and have to deal with BPD. You will be in my prayers. |
#7
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No. I didn't mean for you to delete it. I just meant I hope it gets better. I will say little prayers for you.
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#8
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me. I have depressive moods most of the time. I'm praying for you
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