[zbmom]

So things in my life haven't been going well. I'm a newly diagnosed bipolar II with PTSD. A lot of stress and bad issues such as the fact that I'm losing my job in a few weeks (through no fault of my own just bad luck) and I'm the primary breadwinner for my family right now. I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders, my husband has been unable to find work for 2 years and has been taking care of our son and I just am not doing well mentally at all. My therapist has increased my sessions up to 2x a week. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for awhile now when the depression gets really bad and I haven't been on meds long enough for them to be helping much yet. She told me if I get to a point where I feel unsafe that I can be hospitalized for a day or two or whatever I need so I don't do something stupid.

My question is, to anyone who has been hospitalized, what happens? The idea freaks me out a lot, almost more than the fear of hurting myself. Maybe if I knew what to expect it wouldn't seem so scary. The main thing prompting me to even consider hospitalization as an option is that my thoughts and fantasies have gotten very vivid recently and they scare me.

I know my husband and my child need me and I feel ashamed for even thinking of being a coward and doing those things but I can't seem to stop thinking about them. When the depression hits me really hard it's the worst, I start having all those negative thoughts about how everyone would be better off, and I'm just a mess anyways and such.

Well anyways, sorry this turned into a rant but if you've had an experience being hospitalized for being a suicide risk and you don't mind sharing either here or by private message I would really appreciate it.

I was hospitalized not for suicidal risk, but for severe mixed episode and psychosis. That being said tho, I was terrified of going to the psych ward prior to this. It actually wasn't so bad and in some ways it was even good. My experience would be a bit different because I was there for a different reason. But it really wasn't bad.

I know there are a lot of members here who have been for the same reason as you who have had good experiences. We all kind of build up this fear of the hospital, but I think a lot of us realize later it wasnt what we thought it was going to be.

[zbmom]

Could you tell me like what happens? Are you put in a room with other people? By yourself? Forced to take meds? I mean I have all these hollywood images in my head and that's what I have to go on. It would help if someone could just describe what they went through when they were admitted.

Aww, I had the same image. One flew over the koocoo's nest, girl interrupted. We actually watched girl interrupted while I was there in one of the tv rooms. I was in a room with one other girl, just like regular hospital rooms. I am anorexic so I was watched closely at meal times. There are tv rooms, a library room, a puzzle table. A big lunch room, which has games and stuff for when meals are not going on. There was extra food for snacks. It was little boring if your manic. I had fresh air passes and my time allotted went up with trust. There is a patio with plants and tables and chairs. You can have visitors. I was not forced to take my meds but I did take them, and lots of them for me, more so than the depressed people.

The nurses would talk to you privately to check in with you. As well as your pdoc, mine was on vacation so I saw the on call pdoc. The nurses were more pleasant then other wards I've been on like maternity. I had to sleep and wake at regular times. Was not allowed caffeine tho they had decaf.

We have a small hospital in a small city. So it may be much different depending on the facility. I hope that helped a bit.

[zbmom]

Thanks, that is helpful.

[Cole Thornton]

"I feel ashamed for even thinking of being a coward"

Seriously? There is nothing cowardly about getting the help you need. If fact, as nervous as you are about it, I think you are a very brave person for considering it!

It is the mark of a great mom and wife that you want to take care of your family. But in order to take care of them, you have to take care of yourself, first. I worked my way through college in a hosptial security department, so I know a little about the psych ward. Anika is right, you will be treated with the respect and dignity you deserve as a patient in a very theraputic setting.

Please take care of yourself and remember that the docs and nurses are there to help you, not judge you!

[teresapooh98]

While I was hospitalized u had many groups to go to and it was very structured and most groups last about
sn hour.
A support group
Craft group
Recreation group
Certain times for getting up, meals and meds.
I hope this helps mom.

[zbmom]

I feel like a coward for considering suicide as an option. I agree that there is no shame in seeking help, thank you for the support.

[Cole Thornton]

Sorry- I misunderstood. Still, hospitalization is nothing to fear. My wife had the same concerns at first, but she got the help she needed and was home in no time!

[Phoenix_1]

I was hospitalized 4 years ago and I had the same experience as the others. The first 2 days they took away my clothes and stuff, and I wasn't allowed to leave the ward because of sui ideation. The nurses checked on me every hour which was a pain when I was trying to sleep, but ok, not too intrusive. After the 2nd day I got my stuff back and could leave the ward to go to buy coffee or whatever the hospital has, gift shop etc. There is a smoking area attached to the ward. It was very structured with meals, recreation, OT, TV times, etc. I could have visitors. I didn't socialize too much when I was there because I was too depressed, and the woman I was sharing my room with was having ECT. I know that some people have really bonded and made close friendships while inpatients. I'm not anti-social, just an introvert, and when I feel bad I want to be alone and not talk. I was an inpatient for 8 days. After I was discharged I went into a Day Program which was outpatient group therapy for 4 weeks, and that was very good.

[Phoenix_1]

I just want to add that I felt really safe in the hospital. And with the nurses checking on me I felt as if someone cared. I know it's their job to do that, but I still felt cared for. It was good.

Originally Posted by zbmom

So things in my life haven't been going well. I'm a newly diagnosed bipolar II with PTSD. A lot of stress and bad issues such as the fact that I'm losing my job in a few weeks (through no fault of my own just bad luck) and I'm the primary breadwinner for my family right now. I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders, my husband has been unable to find work for 2 years and has been taking care of our son and I just am not doing well mentally at all. My therapist has increased my sessions up to 2x a week. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for awhile now when the depression gets really bad and I haven't been on meds long enough for them to be helping much yet. She told me if I get to a point where I feel unsafe that I can be hospitalized for a day or two or whatever I need so I don't do something stupid.

My question is, to anyone who has been hospitalized, what happens? The idea freaks me out a lot, almost more than the fear of hurting myself. Maybe if I knew what to expect it wouldn't seem so scary. The main thing prompting me to even consider hospitalization as an option is that my thoughts and fantasies have gotten very vivid recently and they scare me.

I've been hospitalized several times. It's very scary before hand, but it's a relief once you get there. you feel safe and you can't hurt yourself there. There are people to take care of you and watch over you so you can't act out on any of your feelings.

I know my husband and my child need me and I feel ashamed for even thinking of being a coward and doing those things but I can't seem to stop thinking about them. When the depression hits me really hard it's the worst, I start having all those negative thoughts about how everyone would be better off, and I'm just a mess anyways and such.

Don't be ashamed - you have an illness and it sounds like you and your family are going through a really tough time right now. I've gotten those feelings so many times, and that's exactly when I go to the hospital. It's recognizing that you're having those feelings, and that they aren't good for you, and seeking help that show that you are actually STRONG and want to get better.

Well anyways, sorry this turned into a rant but if you've had an experience being hospitalized for being a suicide risk and you don't mind sharing either here or by private message I would really appreciate it.

Depending on the hospital you could have a private room or a roommate, but they try to keep you out of your room most of the time to participate in whatever is going on

While I was hospitalized u had many groups to go to and it was very structured and most groups last about
sn hour.
A support group
Craft group
Recreation group
Certain times for getting up, meals and meds.

This sums it up pretty well anywhere I've stayed.

Good luck and please take care of yourself.

[porcupine2]

I understand completely about your worrying about hospitalization. Yes, it does suck, but at the same time it is much needed to take a step back and just let others take over for a while. I too was on suicide watch, couldn't even go in my own room until at night when they unlocked it. There are activities all day and in between you can just talk to other patients. What I hated was having to wait in line for meds, and a cigarette, or to make a phone call. Small price to pay though because when I was released I knew I would no longer take action on any suicidal thoughts. Having the thoughts is one thing, but if you have a actual plan in mind - how, when, where, etc. then you need to get checked in. I still have thoughts all the time but know I will not follow through with them. It took the hospitalization for me to realize that.