Can Cope Living With My Sister With My Bipolar...

I've been living with my sister since April. I've done work for her and use to get paid. Now that they are not doing well, my sister told me that I wasn't getting paid this week. And last week (and this was my idea, I gave her half my pay since they were not doing well).

My sister has a seisure disorder and I drive her wherever she wants or needs to go. And even though it is I that has bipolar (which is managed well with my medication) and many family members have commented that I am managing it well with meds and therapy, lately I'm falling apart.

The meds and the therapy are working, but my sister has this non-epileptic seisure when she gets stressed. She stresses over everything. These seisures occur when her husband is not around. The night before last she had a seisure (which we have been informed that we can do nothing except keep her safe (lots of pillows). When she woke up from her seisure she was crying that she had chest pains and couldn't breath. In my book, that means call 911. That was fine...I followed her in her car. When I got there she yelled at me for not bringing her cell phone charger. She got hooked up to an IV and was given other meds (narcotcis which she likes but makes her aggressive). She loves pain meds and may have an addiction.

When I picked her up from the hospital, they had just given her a shot of dilauded (the main side affect is aggitation). I got to be on the end of that one. She yelled about banana peels being the garbage, how I drank the last the rootbeer (which I bought). How I haven't gone to the store (no pay, no groceries).

So I go and get more rootbeer and when she comes back, she appologises and says I didn't deserve that. She said if someone did that to her, she would be crushed. I said no, you would kick them out of your house for treating you that way since you own the house. Told her the house always wins.

Then I brought it up today to her and she said she is so embarassed that she didn't want to talk about it. Then I find out that she told my sister. If she was so embarassed about it, why did she tell her sister and her husband?!

I told her I would talk about it when she was more rational. She hasn't been rational since. Sneaking around and taking pills for pain/anxiety and sleeping until the last minute....she was going on a trip and was scared she would have a seisure that she doesn't have any control over anyway.

I can keep control over my bipolar, but not living with someone in her condition.

Today she was suppose to go see her nurologist and psychologist and she lied an said she had the flu. So she lied to my mom, her docs. At this point I don't expect her to tell me the truth anymore.

I'm sick of her perfectionism and wish she would just be a human being like the rest of us instead of pretending she's superwoman.

On her behalf, she has helped me a lot. She even gave me 2 job leads and I think I may get one of those jobs, I pray.

There is also a veteran's apartment building that I think I am going to start over in (even if it means I have to take the bus). It's like section 8 but for veterans, it's not nearly as nice as this place, but it's not nearly as stressful and I would have equal footing until I get a used car and an apartment in about a year.

These lies though, I can't stand. She lies to everyone. I love her but the lying thing just tells me she doesn't think she is okay. She doesn't even want her hubby to help. He's ready to if she would tell him the truth.

She has also been know to go through my things looking for who knows what. When someone asks me something, even if I don't want to admit it, I will admit it. All lying does is isolate you from those you care about.

I won't be able to get into this VA housing probably until the end of next month...depends on when they start paying me again.

For now, I am in need of some emotional support. At first I thought it was me, but after I found out how many pain killers and benzos they administered in the hospital, I would think a horse would have trouble walking.

Can you all help me get through this emtionally until I get out of this situation. I don't want to cut ties because this is of course family, but the lies and the twisting of the truth is really getting to me and affecting my reality and stableness in my bipolar.

Hi Futz. I took my meds and can't put a thought together right now, but wanted to let you know I will subscribe to this thread and keep sending good vibes to you. This is a place where you can come for support and someone will always be here for you.

Can't promise I'll be any real help, but here I am.

Just curious - OK to ignore: Does your sister know she's lying? Or, does she lie and then come to believe her own lies?

Definitely sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. It seems like moving into the VA housing would be better for your emotional stability and sanity. Being around people who are up and down and hostile is extremely difficult in the best of times. Just keep crossing the days off of your calendar and try to do the best you can. I don't know what kind of support I can offer but I'm around to read posts and often in chat. Hugs

Do you have a time line/plan for moving out of your sister's residence? The sooner, the better for you, it sounds.

Thank you all for your support. I have 4 days until my sister returns. My other sister also knows she lies but I need to tell her my side. I usually don't care about what others have to say...it's usually not about me anyway and that is a big relief.

The timeline for moving out is difficult. It depends on if I get this job which I will find out this week. Hopefully, I will also get foodstamps this week (have a telephone interview on monday).

I have already paid a deposit and someone is moving out at the end of September, so hopefully, it will be the end of September. My sister I'm sure will help move but I'm also sure she will look at my new place in distain (she lives in a 7 year old house which she finished out with her preference; marble counter tops, wood floors, Mexican tile here and there, along with half my mother's furniture that I grew up with...creepy). I'd rather have a safe, small, modest but clean (not obsessively so) and most important, my freedom.

My sister has agreed to allow me to help in the family business for my usual pay...I'm not just going to go along with that. I could use the extra money after I get paid from my usual job.

It gives me hope just thinking about it. Her husband is nice, but controlling and obnoxious...he's about had it with her as well. As there agreement, when she gets back from her trip, she's agreed to go to psych hospital to deal with what is causing the seisures (it's usually past trauma related) and she's not dealing with that either.

Bottom line, if she lies to me and others, why do people bother to communicate with her when they don't know if they are getting the right info or not?

This sounds like such a toxic relationship and the only way to stop it is to get out as soon as you can.

I do understand that you are "stuck" there right now, but if an opportunity opens up for you, please move out asap.

Good Luck!

Futz,
I give you so much credit. With every post you have found more and more ways to cope with an unbearable situation. I hope you got a respite while she was out of town, and have renewed strength and energy.

As you've pointed out, it is near impossible to communicate with her. I wouldn't even try. Can you avoid her? Do you have your own room that you can retire to when it all gets to be too much?

With my toxic family members, I have learned to just nod my head and agree with what they're saying. Who cares if I actually believe it? The goal is to stay unengaged, and the easiest way to avoid an argument, which is not in my best interests, is to simply agree! That takes the wind out of their sails. Sometimes the best way to handle a trigger is to just avoid it.

Hopefully, at the end of September, we'll all be celebrating your new job and home.

Hey all. Believe it or not I slept all day and needed it. Didn't know how much this was stressing me out.

My other sister agrees that my sister desperately needs help. I do have my own room and I will be using it's privacy a lot more often...from the both of them.

The sister I am having trouble with called today and sounded manic, like I get sometimes, but she's not bipolar like me. We think she has Histronic Personality Disorder...very emotional, very self centered, very chaotic and full of drama.

I do hope I get this job this week.

This sister and I have so much history... when my mom died she saved me, she was my hero growing up and now I don't even recognize her.

Toxic for sure but need to stay civil. She's even begun to snub my other sister. She is disgusted with the sister I am staying with.

I feel like my family is falling apart.

I want my freedom, but I want my family as well. I guess I have a lot of work to do with my therapist.

But thank you all so much for your support. I hope this doesn't turn out to be one of those situations where she is so toxic I have to break it off.

UPDATE: Had dinner with my mom and dad tonight and boy did I feel validated. Everyone she lied too is pissed. They knew she lied because her lies made no sense to them.

She is suppose to go to inpatient treatment and was told by her hubby if she didn't go, that they would not last. Hopefully she will go.

But I felt validated. I feel a lot less stressed. I put a deposit down on some VA apartments that are for like less than a year so I can save up for a car.

I'm going to use meditation tools and if things get overwelming or too crazy for me, I go in my room and shut the door.

At least I know I'm not crazy (just bipolar).

I just wish my sister would get some help.