I crashed

Friday night.
After a Hypomanic Tues and Wed. Didn't drink more alcohol than usual, but more than I should. Regardless - it wasn't a change from my side.
Started to feel emotional Wed night, Thurs was bad and Friday a disaster.
Bf saw me really bad for the first time. Battled to leave home, but decided I HAD to get out and about to shake it. To not be left home alone.
Better today. But it scared me. Now, wondering if my meds are no longer working as efficient? Last time I was this low was about a year ago. T wanted me in hospital then.

I'm anxious as I don't know what to exepct around any corner. It could suddenly creep up on me.
I needed someone to talk to on Friday, but I was alone...

There is a chance it could just be a small low point.
When's the next time you're seeing your T or you pdoc, how are you feeling right now?
You can always come on here and talk to us! I know its not always the same though.
((((((((((sugahorse))))))))))))

Sorry that things are crappy. hope things are better now. we are always here to talk to
great that you managed to get out despite feeling bad.

Tnx.
I don't see a T anymore, and haven't set up a meeting with my pdoc again. He usually faxes my script through to the chemist. Feeling more leveled out today. Was hoping I wouldn't have to experience this anymore.
And I really just felt so alone. I still am not sure that anyone can understand what "LOW" is?

Sugarhorse, I'll be sending lots of thoughts your way. Hopefully this will be short, you don't deserve this again so quickly. ((( sugar)))

I am sorry there was no one to talk to. Glad you feel a little better today.

I think we all experience our highs and lows in a very personal way. When I get real low, I feel nothing. No feelings at all. I want to stay in bed all day and not answer the phone or the door. Even TV doesn't interest me. I feel like the cruise ship left without me, and I am treading in the water waiting for a lifeline. And I don't even want one of those. I have feelings of anger at being in this world, but they are only thoughts, I don't act on them.

I am so sorry you got so low Sugarhorse. The "low" or "mixed" state are the worst part of this disorder. I am glad that you feel more leveled out today. I think it is important to tell your pdoc about this "low" period that you experienced to see if he/she can tweak your meds so you won't go through this again.

Also, try to remember that the lows of this disorder ALWAYS pass with time. I hope you don't experience your low point anymore. I will be thinking of you.

Good Luck.

Yup - that's what my normal depression is like. But this hurt to the core and everything made me tearful

I am sorry that happened to you suga. I hope you even out soon. I hate cycling. I am right with you, although I haven't hit a total low for a while, I have been cycling all over the place over the last week or two, sometimes several cycles in a day. It can be confusing and upsetting.

I crashed and burned last week but am feeling better...my pdoc adjusted my meds and it worked. You are not alone. When I am at this site I don't feel so alone.

Yup, being here helps me. I think I may need to chat to my pdoc about adjusting meds

suga!
I'm so sorry you had such a spell... So disconcerting, especially when you are more familiar with the anhedonic kind. So very glad you were able to force yourself out and about.
How did BF react (if it's not too personal a question of course!)? Not sure what words to use to convery my empathy in terms of having someone at home see when we get like that. (That was yesterday for me...near catatonic (guess that's the closest word) and when could think at all, felt terrible for him... it must be scary to someone who has not been in such a state, you know?) Guess we can never really know how lows might differ/compare, but it's hard not to wonder anyway...
Glad you are feeling better and sending good thoughts that only good things sneak around the corner at you!

Thanks IZ.
He was scared and I could just imagine him thinking - Oh my work-that woman is off her head!
I had wanted him home with me to chill, because I really felt terrible. He asked if we could go out for a drink with friends. It took a lot from me to force myself out, and only after he promised we could come home if I couldn't cope. As we were driving there, I freaked out because I couldn't find a parking. And promptly burst into tears.
But it was followed by a long lecture from myself again, that I HAVE sent him details and information on BP.
Back on track more or less.

I did feel it sneak up on me over a few days, but didn't expect it to knock me this flat, so I didn't take action to prevent it.

Thanks IZ.
He was scared and I could just imagine him thinking - Oh my work-that woman is off her head!
I had wanted him home with me to chill, because I really felt terrible. He asked if we could go out for a drink with friends. It took a lot from me to force myself out, and only after he promised we could come home if I couldn't cope. As we were driving there, I freaked out because I couldn't find a parking. And promptly burst into tears.
But it was followed by a long lecture from myself again, that I HAVE sent him details and information on BP.
Back on track more or less.

I did feel it sneak up on me over a few days, but didn't expect it to knock me this flat, so I didn't take action to prevent it.

hope things gets better soon. im here for you too.

(((((Suga)))))

Stop drinking!!!!!!!! I was never stable when I was drinking.

Yeah, I'm sure it does scare them and I've thought the same thing. (Also as in, wow, I know she told me, but I didn't imagine this!) I'm glad he was with you and also that he was willing and understanding that it might be more than you could handle. That's such a comfort. Freaking out over a "small" thing like a parking space isn't all that unusual when you're feeling like that, so I hope you cut yourself slack on that, yeah? Sounds like you didn't, but I hope you followed your self-lecture with one remembering to be gentle with yourself...

Good for you that you've given him info on BP. I should really do that myself in a more specific way... (note to self, eh?)

Hope your more or less back on track becomes more and more on track!

More or less back on track. Did just throw my toys out the cot at work, because people were demanding too much and pulling me in all directions. So, I did moan a bit more than I should, but I felt better!
Saw my horses after work yesterday, and it was good for my soul.
Having a 5 day holiday starting tomorrow and start my new job on the following Wed. But may need to resign in the near future, as my bf's mom wants to retire and he needs someone to step into her shoes. Busy busy in my head... But the new job, even if just temp, is good for me.

Not drinking...it's a huge lifestyle change that I cannot see. For the most part I've really been fine.

And parking spaces - lack thereof - are BIG issues! Lol

Glad to hear you are in better spirits Sugahorse. When we're in that LOW phase it is so hard to feel you will ever feel human again, but if you can stick it out, time usually takes care of the intensity. Good luck with your new job. Animals are good for the soul and horses are animals of strength and independence. Our prayers are with you and keep us updated ...