16 hours straight at PER - warning trigger!!

i am exhausted. Script for few days of zyprexa. More later when not on phone. I was miserable and had visions of eating a whole bottle of pills.

Are you miserable because of the meds?... or your symptoms?
Wanting to take a bottle of pills is alarming, you may want to call Pdoc.

((Moose)) I hope the zyprexa helps to calm you down and relieve your symptoms. Having those visions must have been very scary. I've had impulses (which I've always resisted) to swallow an entire bottle several times, but I've thankfully never had a vision of having done it, only to find out that I hadn't.

I really hope that you can gain greater control over this soon; you deserve to feel better!

i am supposed to have someone hold my meds for days so i cant take them all at once. i went to er becaus emy subconsious wanted me to kill myself and i had no strngth anymore and nobody to be with me so i wouldnt act on the thoughts. I was extremelyu distraught and then at the per i was so sedated after the trauma thayt the nurse ased if i was high! I see pdoc tuesday morning. I also found out what my heart does- they did an ekg- as it was doing it then and can be from stress: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prematu...ar_contraction

Oh Moose! I hope you feel better soon hun. Will keep you in prayer. XOXO

wil be praying for you

slept. bit sstill tired but feel like I slet too much. How can that be? Took zyprexa again as was feeling up and stressed from texts from non bf. I asked him to stop and he as now finallly. was being cheerful and then appologetic and that's just stirring up the issue again.

Still hanging out. Person who made me distraught enough to go to ER keep s texting me and I say to stop and he says "not even hi or anything?'

I hope you are better soon, Moose.

Still another message from him - this time an email with a movie link attached saying I'd like it an it has subtitles. He knows I don't have sound on this computer. He doesn't want me yet he keeps messaging me. GAH!

Moose, i am so sorry you are having a hard time. I was just thinking about you because they sent a notice to all the apartments here that the city inspectors were coming for the biennial check, and I thought, hmm, who can I get to help me clean this place up? Please know that I am thinking of you with much love and affection. you are very special to me, you were one of my first friends here. please take care and let me know if I can do anything to help. your pal hanky.

You might just have to ask this person what there agenda is here? If he doesn't want you then whats the deal? or just ignore all communication and he'll eventually get the hint.

diji so far I'm ignoring him. I don't know what his agenda is. I told him I can't take the dichotomy anymore! He acts like my boyfriend in everyway except he wants to NOT be my boyfriend, find others to date and move to another country soon. I just can't take it anymore. And he sent me yet another message saying "goodnight. " UGH.

Thank you! I really need that.

(((((((moose))))))). So sorry you've had to go thru all of this, being triggered by an ex-partner. IMHO try & ignore these texts & phone messages, this person will eventually get the message. Responding will just feed the fire! Don't give them the satisfaction that you care enough to respond.

Take care of yourself.

kinda, I do care. but I care more about me the last 2 days. I don't know what he wants except to have his cake and eat everybody else's cake too. I feel used. Completely used. Unloved. Yet he can be loving. He's just selfish and selfabsorbed even though he can be kind. In the bigger picture its alll about him and his wants.

Caring more about YOU in the past 2days is a start. Take it a day or an hour at a time. People like this DO NOT CHANGE, he will finish with you & move on to use someone else. He acts kind to string you along as long as HE needs to.
A 16 hr pER visit isn't worth hanging on to this guy
I think this turned into a rant... just hate to see someone suffer.
Take care of yourself.

Its not a new relationship. Its 6 years. But the things he says lately are plain that he does not want me even though it seems we have a deep friendship and sex and good wonderfull times that have nothing to do with sex. He wants someTHING else that he thinks I'm not and being a decent and caring honest person is NOT what he wants. He has some THING in mind and is looking to get such a THING from someone out there somewhere. Personally I think what he wants he cant find himself so he'll be looking forever- even in another country when he moves. The PER visiit he didn't even come to check on me. He texted but they stole my phone in PER - he never tried to call PER or come in even though he knew that's where I was headed as I had told him so.

I've said quite a bit, but been there done that, more than once, more than twice... Could comment more but might not be what you want to hear.

Well I can't get worked up. I have an appointment in 8 hours. And I can't sleep even after a zyprexa.

Hope you get some sleep! You can think another time.

I kinda kn0w what you're going through. I'm in the middle of 'getting out' I think. Anyway, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. XOXO

Boy, sounds just like my friend I've been posting about, who has hurt me to the core of my being. Finally, I decided that "it is what it is", I can't change her therefore, can't change the situation and I'm not going to continue to beat my head against the wall...just hurts too much!

Oh moose! I just posted in food games about have your cake and eat it too, then I came here and saw you wrote it about your "friend". I just didn't want you to think I was being heartless - foolish, maybe, but not heartless. You must be sending me brainwaves for me to have thought of it. Sending loving brainwaves back. Tell this "friend" my favorite Randy Travis song, you need to find a better class of losers to hang out with! (((((moose)))))