[beauflow]

HI All-

So about maybe about 4 weeks ago I saw a Psychiatrist- and he told me as I sat there in his office, I was not Bipolar due to I never hit the true manic state of 96 hours staying up and not buying a car/expensive item. I was upset mainly due to he wanted to put me on lithum and anti-psychotics and that he really had no direction for me as in what "is wrong with me". It't not like I wanted a label that day but still. Plus the Pdoc did help out after I calmed down after a day or two- Cuz I wanted to know what he was going to say since Bipolar was put on me so quickly by the screener and therapist. I felt like he was saying nothing is wrong with you but something is wrong with you enough to put you on meds.

Now here is the kicker of why I explain so much above:About a week ago I saw my Therapist and I told my therapist that the psychiatrist said that I was not bipolar. My Therapist pulls out her report from the guy and she reads it off to me- Bipolar 2. I told therapist as I am going to tell you guys now- There was no confusion with me and him when he said I was not.

Now I have been wondering what is the difference between bipolar 1 and bipolar 2... so today i typed it into google and this site came up that i could easily read the definition on:
http://bipolar.about.com/cs/faqs/f/faq_bp2.htm
According to the definition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), bipolar II disorder (also known as bipolar 2 disorder or bipolar type 2) is "characterized by one or more major depressive episodes accompanied by at least one hypomanic episode." The key difference between bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 is that bipolar 2 has hypomanic but not manic episodes, meaning the symptoms of mania are generally less severe in type 2. Also, while those with bipolar I disorder may experience additional psychotic symptoms such as delusions and hallucinations, bipolar II by definition cannot have psychotic features.

This is what I will point out: bipolar II by definition cannot have psychotic features

Now I have had "out of reality" experiences I suppose you would say- Here is one:
I thought there rocks being placed for me, to tell me messages from another. Rocks in a public area that other people went to... I would not think that is normal. I told the Psychiatrist about this as well- It was very difficult for me to tell him it cuz i know it sounds so out there.. I mean who thinks that there are things in a public place just for them? That is illogical, but I truly believed it, I did- I swore to it.
I did not tell him about the spider though: but I will share it with you guys: then when a spider bit me as someone was telling me (my brother) that the rocks did not mean anything I thought the spider bite was saying that what my brother was telling me was poison.... Straight up believed this at the time- you could not convince me other wise
Another thing I touched on with the Psychiatrist was that ---The Frogs showing up and they are signs that I should stop therapy and when a frog died- i got bad news from therapist... so most definitely they were signs..... I am sorry if I am making fun of my self but it is illogical and I freaking believed it at times that the frogs were signs to me on what to do.
I will share with you guys here: There are some other things as well with this out of touch with reality such as believing the sky is not real, and that the land scape is a set up. IE the world and us are not really real.. this is all a mirage of some type.

I also can go on tangents about people messing with my stuff and moving and hiding things on me, I do this at work to some degree as well which can be bad.
Now the only voices in my head are the ones i hear shouting at me that are me when I am mad- there can be "multiple me's" in a sense but they are all me- I don't think that is part of the psychosis of hearing voices. Although my me voices can be quite rude and mean and say exactly what the psychiatrist said with "She's bad, evil, she isn't worth anything"/ but I also have at the same time screaming me's saying that "You (to self) are stupid and Worthless!" and so forth-- and another me saying "it's ok- your not a fool calm down" that is much much much quiet..and one voice that is in there saying "i am not sure what is going on" I hear them all but I know they are me- That is why when the psychiatrist asked if I heard other voices saying stuff I told him this exactly- "no- the only voices that I hear are me in my head". I will admit today that may not have elaborated with what i just put down in words here.

Any ways- I would like the imput on this from you fellow bipolar, due to I am really confused now with this psychiatrist. My therapist and I are talking more about boarderline cuz well I have some traits with that

The red flag with bipolar with these people is that my mother, my brother and my 2nd oldest sister are all dx with bipolar (6 kids in the family) and think I highly may be as well. As well that I do at times seem to go through mild depression. Usually October is a start of one but I am really trying to keep me out of that by trying to figure out maybe why I get depressed (I am not sure if i am doing a good job on it cuz I've been edgy lately).

I have heard that people can be both bipolar and borderline, my therapist mentioned that in my first session with her. But I just wanted to hear what you guys thought on this.

I know NONE OF YOU CAN DX A Person BUT I would like some of your guys' input on this.

I am thinking of seeing a different pdoc when I may be ready for drugs- that is another thing I am not ready for lithium right now....

Also if you have some better websites to better educate me on bipolar 2 please, let me know. It is appreciated.

I am sorry if i come off to hasty or sarcastic any where- I do apologies I do want you all to Please know that is something that I do to help me cope with this all and NOT to poke fun or anything with mental illness of others. And i really dont mean to come off hasty but sometimes others think I am, so I will apologize in advance for that.

Thanks!

[espritlibre]

Hi beauflow,

First of all - no, you don't come across as hasty or sarcastic, although I understand the need for a little sarcasm. I can be incredibly tongue-in-cheek about my mental health issues (not on here so much, but certainly when talking to certain friends) and I think humour, however inappropriate it may seem, sometimes gets us through some dark times.

I'm sorry things are so frustrating and confusing for you at the moment. It sounds like your pdoc hasn't helped so much as increased that frustration. I don't have a diagnosis or a background in psychiatry but here are my thoughts:

From talking to a trusted friend/colleague last week, as well as haunting the bipolar forum for the past month or so, I have learned that there are as many different forms of bipolar as there are people. The DSM-IV seems particularly rigid in its criteria in this respect, as it seems to me there are very few people who completely 'fit' the description of BPI or II. Some people experience mania, some hypomania. Some have an episode once every 10 years, some have a few a year, some might cycle rapidly throughout the course of a week. Some experiende psychosis, some do not. Some manias are euphoric, some are dysphoric. I have come to understand that everyone's experience of bipolar is different. People are unique, fluid creatures. We do not fit into boxes!

As for borderline - yes, I think it is entirely possible to suffer from more than one disorder at a time, and my understanding is that borderline pd and bipolar share some similar symptoms. When I first signed up to psychcentral I took the SanityScore quiz, the results of which suggested I showed signs of 8 serious and 6 milder 'problems'!

Your pdoc sounds very confused. You aren't bipolar, then you need antipsychotics, then you ARE bipolar but "only" BPII as there are no psychotic features?! I wonder if they fully understand bipolar themselves! I think you should discuss these concerns with your therapist or another trusted medical professional. Our minds can be chaotic enough as it is without someone (who should know better) causing extra confusion!

I hope you get some proper answers soon. Let us know how things go x

[Detach]

Originally Posted by beauflow

About a week ago I saw my Therapist and I told my therapist that the psychiatrist said that I was not bipolar. My Therapist pulls out her report from the guy and she reads it off to me- Bipolar 2.

I too have a story about that. My Pdoc now is the same doc I had in my 20's and he said then, that I had Major depression. I was already on a mood stabilizer though because I have a seizure disorder. I had a fear of bipolar and told him so, because my mother is bipolar, but un-medicated. Well in 09' I had a suicide attempt and THEN he did tell me I was Bipolar. I saw a therapist in his office and asked her to look at my chart from when I used to see him in my 20's and check the diagnosis... It said Bipolar II. Since then I have had mania recently and the diagnosis was changed to Bipolar I, however again he did not tell me my therapist looked up his diagnosis in my chart and she told me!

Originally Posted by beauflow

This is what I will point out: bipolar II by definition cannot have psychotic features

That's right! So many people are confused about this on this forum. I don't know if it's because their pdoc is not diagnosing correctly or not telling them their proper diagnosis or what?..

Originally Posted by beauflow

Now I have had "out of reality" experiences I suppose you would say

I did not copy all your examples, however these mostly sound like delusions to me. Delusions also are psychotic features, as well as hallucinations. A delusion is: a belief held in the face of evidence to the contrary, that is resistant to all reason.

Originally Posted by beauflow

Now the only voices in my head are the ones i hear shouting at me that are me when I am mad- there can be "multiple me's" in a sense but they are all me

I'm thinking this may be negative thinking related to the illness that's causing your mind to answer yourself...repeatedly. However, I'm just not sure on this one. The fact that it is YOUR voice leads me to believe (right or wrong?) that it is not a hallucination.

Originally Posted by beauflow

I have heard that people can be both bipolar and borderline, my therapist mentioned that in my first session with her. But I just wanted to hear what you guys thought on this.

Results from a long-term study indicate that borderline personality disorder (BPD) and bipolar disorder do not commonly coexist, a finding which has important implications for treatment. The findings are reported in the July 2006 issue of The American Journal of Psychiatry (AJP), the official journal of the American Psychiatric Association (APA).

With this being said, your Pdoc needs to figure out which you have. Most likely you are not both, but it is possible...

Originally Posted by beauflow

[B]I am sorry if i come off to hasty or sarcastic any where- I do apologies

I didn't find your post sarcastic at all... Don't be hard on yourself!

[BNLsMOM]

I was told by my pdoc, who I trust, that the way most professionals diagnose bipolar is that they question it. They match the symptoms that you describe to the DSM - IV and then they write it down and then try to disprove it. She said that if you respond to the medicine and feel better then you have a better chance of having bipolar, but the professionals can never be totally sure. I imagine that trying to get an answer right away is not easy. I had already been diagnosed with bipolar, but we didn't know what form it was taking. It took my pdoc a year and a half to come up with my diagnosis. Bipolar 1, rapid cycling with mixed episodes.

Here's the rub, That diagnosis can change because it is an opinion and not a medically proven fact. The whole thing is so subjective and that's why it takes so long to get clarity about it.

[puglover82]

I love the fact of you guys talking about being "tongue and cheek" about your disorders. I thought i was the only one, lol.. my best friend called me after a psych appt to see how it went, my response, "no change, i'm still crazy." now i know, i'm NOT crazy, but for me it helps to kinda joke about it. it makes it seem a little easier to bear, and I would only say that to someone who knows my story and understands. Hey, sometimes you just gotta laugh right?

It can take some time for a pdoc to really come to a definite diagnosis. That's because they really have to get to know you as a patient and have to really see those features before they can have any confidence in their diagnosis. Your pdoc hasn't dealt with you, really observed you as, psychotic so he is just probably working on the conservative side. I know that is frustrating, but personally I rather have pdoc who was willing to observe and carefully make a diagnosis than one who jumps to a diagnosis and is inflexible about it. I think statistics have shown that it takes something like 8 - 10 years for most bipolar patients to actually receive that diagnosis. Remember, a diagnosis is purely based on observation, and observations can obviously be flawed.

If your pdoc is thinking bipolar 2 at this point, then a mood stabilizer and a anti-psychotic prescription would be pretty standard. That would still be true if it is bipolar 1, so the treatment between the two is generally pretty close to the same.

[Detach]

Originally Posted by puglover82

my best friend called me after a psych appt to see how it went, my response, "no change, i'm still crazy."
................
Hey, sometimes you just gotta laugh right?

Love it! I'm gonna use that one with my sister next time I get home from Tdoc... She'll laugh her you know what off. And yes, sometimes you do just need to laugh, I do. As long as the person is laughing with me and not at me, then I'm fine with it.

[beauflow]

Originally Posted by espritlibre

Hi beauflow,
First of all - no, you don't come across as hasty or sarcastic, although I understand the need for a little sarcasm. I can be incredibly tongue-in-cheek about my mental health issues (not on here so much, but certainly when talking to certain friends) and I think humour, however inappropriate it may seem, sometimes gets us through some dark times.
I'm sorry things are so frustrating and confusing for you at the moment. It sounds like your pdoc hasn't helped so much as increased that frustration. I don't have a diagnosis or a background in psychiatry but here are my thoughts:
From talking to a trusted friend/colleague last week, as well as haunting the bipolar forum for the past month or so, I have learned that there are as many different forms of bipolar as there are people. The DSM-IV seems particularly rigid in its criteria in this respect, as it seems to me there are very few people who completely 'fit' the description of BPI or II. Some people experience mania, some hypomania. Some have an episode once every 10 years, some have a few a year, some might cycle rapidly throughout the course of a week. Some experiende psychosis, some do not. Some manias are euphoric, some are dysphoric. I have come to understand that everyone's experience of bipolar is different. People are unique, fluid creatures. We do not fit into boxes!
As for borderline - yes, I think it is entirely possible to suffer from more than one disorder at a time, and my understanding is that borderline pd and bipolar share some similar symptoms. When I first signed up to psychcentral I took the SanityScore quiz, the results of which suggested I showed signs of 8 serious and 6 milder 'problems'!
Your pdoc sounds very confused. You aren't bipolar, then you need antipsychotics, then you ARE bipolar but "only" BPII as there are no psychotic features?! I wonder if they fully understand bipolar themselves! I think you should discuss these concerns with your therapist or another trusted medical professional. Our minds can be chaotic enough as it is without someone (who should know better) causing extra confusion!
I hope you get some proper answers soon. Let us know how things go x

Espritlibre- thank you- yes it is very frustrating in ways. and I totally agree with " We do not fit into boxes!".. I know that their book they go by isnt all and everything, and that it can be hard for them to figure out where people fit.

I rather just had the Pdoc put un dx- need more information. Of Course I say that now, but at least it would had been honest.

Originally Posted by dijmart

I too have a story about that. My Pdoc now is the same doc I had in my 20's and he said then, that I had Major depression. I was already on a mood stabilizer though because I have a seizure disorder. I had a fear of bipolar and told him so, because my mother is bipolar, but un-medicated. Well in 09' I had a suicide attempt and THEN he did tell me I was Bipolar. I saw a therapist in his office and asked her to look at my chart from when I used to see him in my 20's and check the diagnosis... It said Bipolar II. Since then I have had mania recently and the diagnosis was changed to Bipolar I, however again he did not tell me my therapist looked up his diagnosis in my chart and she told me!
That's right! So many people are confused about this on this forum. I don't know if it's because their pdoc is not diagnosing correctly or not telling them their proper diagnosis or what?..
I did not copy all your examples, however these mostly sound like delusions to me. Delusions also are psychotic features, as well as hallucinations. A delusion is: a belief held in the face of evidence to the contrary, that is resistant to all reason.
I'm thinking this may be negative thinking related to the illness that's causing your mind to answer yourself...repeatedly. However, I'm just not sure on this one. The fact that it is YOUR voice leads me to believe (right or wrong?) that it is not a hallucination.
Results from a long-term study indicate that borderline personality disorder (BPD) and bipolar disorder do not commonly coexist, a finding which has important implications for treatment. The findings are reported in the July 2006 issue of The American Journal of Psychiatry (AJP), the official journal of the American Psychiatric Association (APA).
With this being said, your Pdoc needs to figure out which you have. Most likely you are not both, but it is possible...
I didn't find your post sarcastic at all... Don't be hard on yourself!

Dijmart- That is "pooey", I think that the Pdoc did not tell you, but you have to find out from the therapist you are seeing. It is not right in away cuz how are you to help you at the time? what if you dont see that therapist after talking to the Pdock let's say, what then you go un-treated..- That really Bothers me in my case with the Pdoc, and I can not seem to let it go with this guy. I do give him some leway for he is new at the county office that i am going to (i am new too but I see that they are all rushed, I can see and feel and even the Therapist let me know she was overwhelmed with some stuff- so i can give the Pdoc some slack, I just wish he would had been honest) and I get that he is to assets each thing I tell him, and disprove it - however if he did not feel i was bipolar when talking to him, why write it down? I think he should had called to say something about my dx.

I believe you are correct with the "me voices" as I like to call them- I don't think are psychosis cause they are me- just an odd thing that I go through and can be different me's -some times I am unaware that I a me voice can be so mean or evil, but they are me... some times I feel a hint of my mother in the angry ones but they are still me. Or I can get, like "memory yells" I guess you could call them (i grew up in a very angry house, so sometimes I have memory yellings from my brothers or dad or mom too)- but those are memory yells I know who they are and where they come from, May Not Why they Come out- but I recognize them. At time it is not in my head with the memory yells I feel as if they are coming from out side- but still. I am not sure what a doc would say about those..

But Psychosis Voices would be voices that I don't know and are unaware of where they come from right?
The only audio hallucination that I can say I have is static music that I hear some times, it can be 3 am and i hear a "radio that is very staticky" almost like "white noise" but with a hint of some sort of music behind it. I can walk around and find it is not clearer any where- I figure this is just me.

Thank you for the reference about the American Journal
I concur that the Pdoc should assest.

It scars me a little, cuz I just want to know what may be wrong and go with treatment to best better serve to help me. I dont want to be Dx and find out years later that actually I am something else with dx that needed to treated entirely differently than how I was being treated for.

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I was told by my pdoc, who I trust, that the way most professionals diagnose bipolar is that they question it. They match the symptoms that you describe to the DSM - IV and then they write it down and then try to disprove it. She said that if you respond to the medicine and feel better then you have a better chance of having bipolar, but the professionals can never be totally sure. I imagine that trying to get an answer right away is not easy. I had already been diagnosed with bipolar, but we didn't know what form it was taking. It took my pdoc a year and a half to come up with my diagnosis. Bipolar 1, rapid cycling with mixed episodes.
Here's the rub, That diagnosis can change because it is an opinion and not a medically proven fact. The whole thing is so subjective and that's why it takes so long to get clarity about it.

BNLsMOM- That actually makes sense to me, I know we can't go in and get a blood test or get our head chemical checked.. IT would be sort of nice if we could to me
It makes sense that it is where they can fit a person, where it can be disproven for what, and so on.
I think I may had expected more out of a professional with helping me with finding a route. I do understand that it takes time with things. And don't get me wrong- I like my therapist right now, she seems willing to look into things with me to try to help find what treatment would best fit me. And best of all I think her suggestions and her asking questions and the book she recommended for me to do work out of (DBT work book), really would help with any dx...

Originally Posted by puglover82

I love the fact of you guys talking about being "tongue and cheek" about your disorders. I thought i was the only one, lol.. my best friend called me after a psych appt to see how it went, my response, "no change, i'm still crazy." now i know, i'm NOT crazy, but for me it helps to kinda joke about it. it makes it seem a little easier to bear, and I would only say that to someone who knows my story and understands. Hey, sometimes you just gotta laugh right?

Puglover82- I so Agree with some times you just gotta laugh...
My dad use to tell me as a child: Sometimes you either laugh or you cry-- and which would you rather do?
I try to find humor- with things... especially with things that are hard cuz in the end it usually makes it easier if I am so negative with it.

Originally Posted by farmergirl

It can take some time for a pdoc to really come to a definite diagnosis. That's because they really have to get to know you as a patient and have to really see those features before they can have any confidence in their diagnosis. Your pdoc hasn't dealt with you, really observed you as, psychotic so he is just probably working on the conservative side. I know that is frustrating, but personally I rather have pdoc who was willing to observe and carefully make a diagnosis than one who jumps to a diagnosis and is inflexible about it. I think statistics have shown that it takes something like 8 - 10 years for most bipolar patients to actually receive that diagnosis. Remember, a diagnosis is purely based on observation, and observations can obviously be flawed.
If your pdoc is thinking bipolar 2 at this point, then a mood stabilizer and a anti-psychotic prescription would be pretty standard. That would still be true if it is bipolar 1, so the treatment between the two is generally pretty close to the same.

Farmergirl: I do agree it takes time, that is why I am like maybe it would had been better for him to just put un-dx at this time need more information, instead of telling me one thing and going with another to tell my therapist.

I see what you are saying with Bipolar 1 and Biploar 2 and the treatment to begin with are similar; however what if someone is DID instead of Bipolar? those need two different treatments- I hear that even that can get confused due to some DID patients can hide and it can appear to a professional as Bipolar. That scares me a lot... It scares me for, I dont think I have DID, but what if I am unaware- I read stories on that as well that people can be unaware of having DID... I do think that I have some dissociation which can fit with a lot (pstd, borderline and so one), but I do not believe it to be DID... There are times that I dont feel like me- Or different me.. It is had to explain. I guess the best example is I can be very cocky me- and feel great, then I can be negative and depressed me, and be down and rude. And there are other times- I dont quite feel just like myself... I am not sure if Bipolar is like that. I would think, mood swings can be a cocky person and a depressed person... IDK that is what I would think logically...

Originally Posted by dijmart

Love it! I'm gonna use that one with my sister next time I get home from Tdoc... She'll laugh her you know what off. And yes, sometimes you do just need to laugh, I do. As long as the person is laughing with me and not at me, then I'm fine with it.

As long as the person is laughing with me and not at me, then I'm fine with it
I can toast to that for sure!

Thank you all for you replies to me on this- I really do appreciate it. It helps me more to go in and talk to my therapist about some things. See when I started this with the county i was also trying to get into an organization that specifically focuses on Bipolar. I kept missing the calls (work nights and the return call was usually in the afternoon after I feel asleep). Then I sort got upset with this Pdoc- and I stopped calling leaving messages with the organization. I will call again today to ask if I can restart the process and get an appointment In. I understand I will have to go back on the waiting list and perhaps re-do their first talking on the phone with information. But they may be able to tell me weather or not I am or not bipolar and help with directing me where i may be.

In addition: I do give this Pdoc some slack though at times, due to he is new at the county- and I am new at the county and I can see already that these therapists and doctors and rushed and over loaded with patients- they all seemed rushed as I talk to them (the receptionists at the place seem nice and ok though).. This Pdoc seemed to have trouble with where to start- About a half hour into my session with him, he was like "Ok let's stop and get some history first before we go on" It did not seem like a "tacktic" of his, he seemed generally not knowing where to start. IDK Though- Perhaps this is how all Pdocs are.... but I would think Pdocs would be like Doctors that I see a cold for- they get some history before assessing the problem of my cold.
On the other hand- Perhaps he did not understand me fully. I do some times tend to confuse people but I know on some things he understood (like the rocks, cuz he asked what did the rocks mean- and I told him messages- and he asked- what were the messages? and I told him what I thought the messages were).... But it is ok- All I want is some help and stop going threw hell sometimes or my chaotic ball of emotions as i like to call it.

And as I wrote before and I need to remember to keep myself going on this: I DO NOT WANT TO BE 70 and Still going through all this with no help.

Thank you all again!!!! I wish you all well!

[Detach]

Originally Posted by beauflow

Dijmart- I believe you are correct with the "me voices" as I like to call them- I don't think are psychosis cause they are me- just an odd thing that I go through and can be different me's -some times I am unaware that I a me voice can be so mean or evil, but they are me... some times I feel a hint of my mother in the angry ones but they are still me. Or I can get, like "memory yells" I guess you could call them (i grew up in a very angry house, so sometimes I have memory yellings from my brothers or dad or mom too)- but those are memory yells I know who they are and where they come from, May Not Why they Come out- but I recognize them. At time it is not in my head with the memory yells I feel as if they are coming from out side- but still. I am not sure what a doc would say about those..

But Psychosis Voices would be voices that I don't know and are unaware of where they come from right?
The only audio hallucination that I can say I have is static music that I hear some times, it can be 3 am and i hear a "radio that is very staticky" almost like "white noise" but with a hint of some sort of music behind it. I can walk around and find it is not clearer any where- I figure this is just me.

Thank you for the reference about the American Journal
I concur that the Pdoc should assest.

It scars me a little, cuz I just want to know what may be wrong and go with treatment to best better serve to help me. I dont want to be Dx and find out years later that actually I am something else with dx that needed to treated entirely differently than how I was being treated for.

beauflow,
If my understanding is right about DID.. "you".. would not be aware of the other personalities per se, you would have blocks of time missing from your day, when other personalities had taken you over so to speak.

As to the "me" voices, your mind may be trying to process painful memories or is stuck thinking about the memories. That maybe why your voice seems to have a hint of your mom, brother and dad....just a thought.

Psychosis voices are auditory hallucinations... usually, as far as I know, not your voice. They are uncontrollable and I would say you would not know where they are coming from. However, the "white noise" with music in the background may very well be an auditory hallucination. Did you tell Pdoc about that?

[beauflow]

On my phone & it's lil- this thread seems too big keep gettin disconnected. I'll try to answer short. No on white noise- told pdoc bout false conversations i have instead due to we ran out of time.
Memory voices agree with Dijmart. But should mention.
I have a list i need to share with t, but afraid too but need to cuz i get spaced in sessions, think list of concerns of mine may help with dx me and treatment.
Don't think i'm did but worry about others with mis dx. A what if thing. Some with did been dx with bp which can make did worse. Sad i think.

[Moose72]

Holy long post Batman!

Originally Posted by beauflow

Espritlibre- thank you- yes it is very frustrating in ways. and I totally agree with " We do not fit into boxes!".. I know that their book they go by isnt all and everything, and that it can be hard for them to figure out where people fit.

I rather just had the Pdoc put un dx- need more information. Of Course I say that now, but at least it would had been honest.


Dijmart- That is "pooey", I think that the Pdoc did not tell you, but you have to find out from the therapist you are seeing. It is not right in away cuz how are you to help you at the time? what if you dont see that therapist after talking to the Pdock let's say, what then you go un-treated..- That really Bothers me in my case with the Pdoc, and I can not seem to let it go with this guy. I do give him some leway for he is new at the county office that i am going to (i am new too but I see that they are all rushed, I can see and feel and even the Therapist let me know she was overwhelmed with some stuff- so i can give the Pdoc some slack, I just wish he would had been honest) and I get that he is to assets each thing I tell him, and disprove it - however if he did not feel i was bipolar when talking to him, why write it down? I think he should had called to say something about my dx.

I believe you are correct with the "me voices" as I like to call them- I don't think are psychosis cause they are me- just an odd thing that I go through and can be different me's -some times I am unaware that I a me voice can be so mean or evil, but they are me... some times I feel a hint of my mother in the angry ones but they are still me. Or I can get, like "memory yells" I guess you could call them (i grew up in a very angry house, so sometimes I have memory yellings from my brothers or dad or mom too)- but those are memory yells I know who they are and where they come from, May Not Why they Come out- but I recognize them. At time it is not in my head with the memory yells I feel as if they are coming from out side- but still. I am not sure what a doc would say about those..

But Psychosis Voices would be voices that I don't know and are unaware of where they come from right?
The only audio hallucination that I can say I have is static music that I hear some times, it can be 3 am and i hear a "radio that is very staticky" almost like "white noise" but with a hint of some sort of music behind it. I can walk around and find it is not clearer any where- I figure this is just me.

Thank you for the reference about the American Journal
I concur that the Pdoc should assest.

It scars me a little, cuz I just want to know what may be wrong and go with treatment to best better serve to help me. I dont want to be Dx and find out years later that actually I am something else with dx that needed to treated entirely differently than how I was being treated for.


BNLsMOM- That actually makes sense to me, I know we can't go in and get a blood test or get our head chemical checked.. IT would be sort of nice if we could to me
It makes sense that it is where they can fit a person, where it can be disproven for what, and so on.
I think I may had expected more out of a professional with helping me with finding a route. I do understand that it takes time with things. And don't get me wrong- I like my therapist right now, she seems willing to look into things with me to try to help find what treatment would best fit me. And best of all I think her suggestions and her asking questions and the book she recommended for me to do work out of (DBT work book), really would help with any dx...



Puglover82- I so Agree with some times you just gotta laugh...
My dad use to tell me as a child: Sometimes you either laugh or you cry-- and which would you rather do?
I try to find humor- with things... especially with things that are hard cuz in the end it usually makes it easier if I am so negative with it.



Farmergirl: I do agree it takes time, that is why I am like maybe it would had been better for him to just put un-dx at this time need more information, instead of telling me one thing and going with another to tell my therapist.

I see what you are saying with Bipolar 1 and Biploar 2 and the treatment to begin with are similar; however what if someone is DID instead of Bipolar? those need two different treatments- I hear that even that can get confused due to some DID patients can hide and it can appear to a professional as Bipolar. That scares me a lot... It scares me for, I dont think I have DID, but what if I am unaware- I read stories on that as well that people can be unaware of having DID... I do think that I have some dissociation which can fit with a lot (pstd, borderline and so one), but I do not believe it to be DID... There are times that I dont feel like me- Or different me.. It is had to explain. I guess the best example is I can be very cocky me- and feel great, then I can be negative and depressed me, and be down and rude. And there are other times- I dont quite feel just like myself... I am not sure if Bipolar is like that. I would think, mood swings can be a cocky person and a depressed person... IDK that is what I would think logically...


As long as the person is laughing with me and not at me, then I'm fine with it
I can toast to that for sure!

Thank you all for you replies to me on this- I really do appreciate it. It helps me more to go in and talk to my therapist about some things. See when I started this with the county i was also trying to get into an organization that specifically focuses on Bipolar. I kept missing the calls (work nights and the return call was usually in the afternoon after I feel asleep). Then I sort got upset with this Pdoc- and I stopped calling leaving messages with the organization. I will call again today to ask if I can restart the process and get an appointment In. I understand I will have to go back on the waiting list and perhaps re-do their first talking on the phone with information. But they may be able to tell me weather or not I am or not bipolar and help with directing me where i may be.

In addition: I do give this Pdoc some slack though at times, due to he is new at the county- and I am new at the county and I can see already that these therapists and doctors and rushed and over loaded with patients- they all seemed rushed as I talk to them (the receptionists at the place seem nice and ok though).. This Pdoc seemed to have trouble with where to start- About a half hour into my session with him, he was like "Ok let's stop and get some history first before we go on" It did not seem like a "tacktic" of his, he seemed generally not knowing where to start. IDK Though- Perhaps this is how all Pdocs are.... but I would think Pdocs would be like Doctors that I see a cold for- they get some history before assessing the problem of my cold.
On the other hand- Perhaps he did not understand me fully. I do some times tend to confuse people but I know on some things he understood (like the rocks, cuz he asked what did the rocks mean- and I told him messages- and he asked- what were the messages? and I told him what I thought the messages were).... But it is ok- All I want is some help and stop going threw hell sometimes or my chaotic ball of emotions as i like to call it.

And as I wrote before and I need to remember to keep myself going on this: I DO NOT WANT TO BE 70 and Still going through all this with no help.

Thank you all again!!!! I wish you all well!

[beauflow]

LOL sorry Moose guess I should had just put names and dash instead of tryin to reply to it all .. geez what was i thinking....